Mill Creek's Excellent Eighties - Boxset Review

Oh man.  I was in the thrift store in Sandpoint recently and I saw a sight which I had to get.  It was the Mill Creek Pure Terror boxset.  50 movies.  50 MORE movies.  I bought it.

The things that I do, I do because I can?  Because I am used to it?  I am not sure.  Either way, I finished this stupid set, a set which I have to say pushed me far, really far.  And I believe it will have the record for 0 star films, and will be rated lower than any boxset so far.

Speaking of, here is the link to the Swingin' 70's Boxset and a link to the Sci-Fi Invasions Boxset.  Fuck it.  Link this shit up.  Gorehouse Greats is here too.

Presen-TED HERE!  For YOU!  With LINKS!  Retrospectives!  Reviews!  Stars!  In the order of how they are written on the booklet in the disc (aka not alphabetical order).

Dear Mister Wonderful:  The only film in the boxset I literally turned off.  This was slow and boring, Joe Pesci is ok in it.  Some guy lives and grows in New York.  I turned it off, no stars.
Intimate Agony: At a small beach community where everyone is sleeping with each other, an outbreak of STDs threatens everyone.  Made for TV and like a soap opera. Boring. No stars.
Second Sight:  A Love Story:  A blind woman has always resisted surgery or a seeing eye dog.  When she gets robbed and starts a relationship, she'll rethink both those decisions.  3 stars.
A Minor Miracle:  Pele stars in this story of orphans who are in a orphanage closing down.  The old man who runs the place tries to get Pele to help, and eventually he does.  It's okay...2 stars.
Agency:  Thriller story of a man working at a advertising agency where shady actions eventually lead to a death and a man on the run.  Pretty decent movie keeps you into it.  3 stars upgraded to 3.5.
The Train Killer:  Now that I'm done with the set, the good movies really stick out.  This was a creepy and strange story of a disenfranchised man trying to derail trains.  Good acting. 4.5 stars.
Lamb:  Liam Neeson stars in this bizarre story of a priest who kidnaps a boy from a religious school to try and give the boy a better life.  It felt a bit undeveloped, we never learn a why. But it's really well acted and the ending was super dark, and I want to read the book.  4 stars, upgraded to 4.5.
My Mom's a Werewolf: An 80's comedy made for the family, which feels 100% exactly what that type of movie should be.  The mom is likable, the silliness is in full effect.  2.5 stars.
Bail Out: Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff are bounty hunters out for a kidnapped daughter of a businessman.  It's a light action, relatively who-cares flick.  Pretty awful, half a star.
When the Bough Breaks: Ted Danson stars in the story of a dead body that turns up, it gets looked into by a psychologist, and it uncovers a shady underground organization.  Likeable, 3.5 stars.
The Lady and the Highwayman: This and Hazard of Hearts are based on books, books written about old timey stuffy British people having long, boring relationships.  I don't care! No stars.
Liar's Moon:  Matt Dillon stars in the story of star-crossed lovers.  It's not quite Romeo and Juliet.  But, it is entertaining and the actors are good.  It has it's charms.  Odd twists in the later half.  2.5.
Toby McTeague: Dog sledding adventure!  A young boy has a fallout with a father who gets injured.  Now the only way to save their family is for Toby to enter a race!  Predictable, 1.5 stars...maybe 2.
Dog Day:  We begin with a bank robbery, which leads the criminal to a farm in a field where everyone is kinda crazy and hijinks ensue.  Impossible to understand, and incredibly bad.  No stars.
Scandal Sheet: An alcoholic actor is targeted by a tabloid newspaper, and they decide the best way to get him is to hire a writer who is his friend.  Well acted and emotionally engaging.  I liked it, 3.5.
Hunk: My intro to the set was a lighthearted comedy, about a nerd who wishes to be a hunk.  80's rom-com with a few laughs and it was entertaining enough.  Predictable, sure, but fun. 3 stars.
Choices: Demi Moore is in this story of a star football player who is partially deaf.  When this is discovered, it threatens to unravel his world.  Plot holes and very undeveloped. 1.5 stars, or 2 maybe.
A Hazard of Hearts: Helena Bonham Carter in another old timey love and romance film.  She is won in a card game by a rich baron and surprisingly affection grows.  Yawn.  2 downgraded to 1 star.
High Risk: James Brolin leads a group of people who rob a drug lord and are pursued by his gang.  Why they thought this plan would work is anyone's guess.  Average Z grade action flick. 2 stars.
The Kidnapping of the President: William Shatner is a member of the Secret Service when the president is kidnapped by a crazy terrorist.  Really entertaining and keeps you engaged.  3.5 stars.
The Day Time Ended:  I opted not to rewatch this movie, I've seen it about 3 times already.  I really like it, on multiple rewatches some errors stick out, but it's still a 4 star sci fi flick I'll see again.
Laser Mission: Brandon Lee in a standard action movie I'd seen before.  Rewatching it, it's fine but it's so generic and middle road.  He's also not very good at acting.  It's like 1.5, 2 stars.
Blunt, The Fourth Man: Anthony Hopkins in the story of a British guy who helps the Soviet Union, or that's what it tells me it's about.  Watching it, I had no idea what was going on.  2 stars.
Shadows in the Storm: Mia Sara in the type of movie we've seen before.  She's a sexy temptress who meets a gullible writer and eventually gets his cash.  Dark and odd, has a certain atmosphere. 3 stars.
Cave Girl: Dumb comedy about a nerdy guy who goes back in time and starts dating a cute cave girl.  It has really bad comedy, but lots of nudity.  It's what you expect.  1.5 stars.
Shaker Run: A mystery woman enlists a racecar driver to carry undisclosed cargo to an unknown location.  Action meets thrills in this decent, basic thrills flick.  Meh.  2 stars.
Hard Knox: A bunch of misfits are enrolled in a military school led by the tough director Knox.  Alan Ruck is great, not in it enough, and the rest is super boring and predictable.  2 stars.  I guess.
Reborn: Weird, weird story of a evangelical priest played by Dennis Hopper, who finds and recruits a woman who is suffering from actual stigmata.  The atmosphere is unique, ambiguous, with great performances and music.  Made me want to see more by director Bigas Luna.  5 stars.  Unique.
Saigon:  Year of the Cat: Judi Dench is in this story of a woman meeting and falling in love with a embassy worker in Vietnam.  Political intrigue film, cause saying "thriller" is overselling it.  2 stars.
Act of Love: Mickey Rourke and Ron Howard lead a interesting film about a pair of brothers.  When one is paralyzed in a motorbike accident, he asks his bro to kill him.  He does.  Now we have a courtroom drama and mystery about why he did it.  Based on a true story and really gripping, 4 stars.
Delta Force Commando: Fred Williamson is tracking down guerrillas who have a nuclear bomb.  This B-grade actioner felt like a "so bad it's good" fun watch, but still only about 3 stars.
Tuareg: The Desert Warrior: Mark Harmon is Tuareg, a enigmatic desert man who encounters political prisoners who he swears to protect.  Odd movie, uneven, but had potential.  2.5 stars.
My Chauffeur: Really dumb comedy about a ditzy airhead girl who becomes a chauffeur at an elite company, and through her smarts and dumb luck solves all her situations.  It's a no-brainer.  No stars.
Twisted Obsession:  Jeff Goldblum is in this weird, uneven story of a writer who meets and becomes intrigued by a young directors sister.  I guess it's supposed to be a thriller?  It had good parts, 3 stars.
Portrait of a Showgirl: POAS sounded really boring in the writeup: an examination of the lives of three showgirls and their relationships.   But, it was decent and well acted.  3 stars, nah maybe 2.5.
Night of the Sharks:  I made my ex watch this tame shark thriller with Treat Williams.  Watching this movie was no "treat" though.  It's mostly bland action and some mild shark thrills.  2 stars.
Tomboy:  Tomboy!  She's a road runner!  Tomboy!  Fuck that song man, I still remember it.  Tomboy is a stupid, slow, boring movie about a tomboy meeting her racing idol and going up against him. 1.5.
Callie and Son: Did not know this would be a 2.5 hour epic about mother and son and their lives.  Whew.  It was long, detailed, and had some okay parts I guess, but WOW.  Just too much.  2.5 stars.
Slipstream:  Again, I opted not to rewatch Slipstream.  This movie obviously had potential with the idea and actors and director, but it ends up being too vague and undeveloped.  2 stars for trying.
The Cold War Killers: Terence Stamp in a political thriller about a downed German plane and a race to get the contents which could have huge repercussions.  Too much talking is the problem. 3 stars.
We Think The World of You:  Slow, slow drama with Gary Oldman as a gay man whose dog becomes a point of contention.   I fast forwarded a lot of this boring, bland movie.  No stars.
Christabel: Elizabeth Hurley in a huge, sprawling 2.5 hour war drama about a British family in Germany during WWII.  Like Callie & Son, a LOT.  It's alright, I guess.  I gave it 3?  No, 2.5.
Mesmerized: I'd wanted to see this before the set.  Jodie Foster and John Lithgow as a young woman married to an older man and their bizarre, dysfunctional relationship.  Could be my copy was edited, but the story felt incomplete.  Though very well acted.  I gave it 4.5, but it's more like 3.5.
Somewhere, Tomorrow:  I expected a drama, but instead it's a dramedy and even has romance.  Sarah Jessica Parker is the only one who can see the ghost of a recently deceased guy.  3.5 stars... or 3.
A Time to Die: Slower version of the classic revenge story.  A WWII soldier goes after the Nazis who killed his family and tried to kill him during the war.  Pretty average, about 2.5 stars.
Savage Journey: Who knew there was a Mormon history lesson on the set?  Brigham Young moves the Mormons around while facing obstacles and persecution.  Mildly interesting.  1.5 stars or 2.
Casablanca Express:  Action vehicle for Jason Connery as he tries to save a train carrying Winston Churchill which has fallen into enemy hands.  Decent middle of the road flick, 2.5 stars.
Scarecrows: This set could've used more horror.  One real horror movie on here was above average for a B-horror flick.  Killer scarecrows attack bank robbers who are in their cornfield. 3, 3.5ish.
The Patriot: Another middle road action movie, this one involves a guy protecting a nuclear weapon from falling into the wrong hands.  Leslie Nielsen and nudity spice it up a bit.  2.5 stars.
Deathrow Gameshow: Another movie I wanted to see before the set!  In this actually funny comedy, Chuck hosts a deathrow themed gameshow in a Robocop-like future.  Like I said, actual comedy, and entertaining in a strange offbeat manor.  I liked it, 4 stars.

Thoughts...  Alright, for the record!  18 movies got above a 2.5 score.  21 movies were 2 stars or below.  7 movies were upgraded in my review, 4 were downgraded.  I guess that gives the entire boxset a rating of about 2 stars, which feels accurate.

There was no overall "takeaway" from this like the takeaway I had from the Sci Fi Invasion set.  Other than this:  these movies sucked.  Honestly, the bad ones were WAY worse than the bad movies on the 70s or the Sci Fi sets.   Compared to some movies in the set, even the Mormon movie wasn't so bad.  At least it was real shit, and interesting enough.

Say what you will about the other sets, but at least none of them made me watch a 2.5 hour movie.  And two of them nonetheless?!  Come ON!  No way, do not watch those.  They're okay movies but they are not worth the time needed.

As usual, I do not promise to watch all the movies on the Pure Terror boxset.  I got other shit to do my friend.

A Time to Die - 1982

So, I finally finished the 80s set.  I started this boxset a long time ago, but I kept it on the DL until I finished the 70s set.  I focused on this set once I got to Idaho basically.

A Time to Die is a film which I had started at some point and then I guess I didn't finish?  I know I started it because I remembered the scene with the topless chick.  You will always remember those scenes.  Anyways, now I finally finished it.

A Time to Die is a revenge story, the story of  a guy who's village and wife are killed by Nazis.  He survives a gunshot to the head and comes back, swearing vengeance on those that killed everyone and shot him.  So we're returning a little bit to the action movie theme which was present in the set earlier.  And honestly, good finish.

The movie is a bit slow, and I for sure didn't care a lot of the time, but it was pretty decent.  Overall, it's probably low rent entertainment, and only comes out as "good" because it is in comparison to the other films on the set.  I give it 2.5.

Portrait of a Showgirl - 1982

I have (maybe, depending on my internet connection later) either finished the boxset or I have one movie left.  I saved this for last because of how the plot sounded.

Plot:  Written down, this sounds so slow and boring.  It says it is about the lives of three showgirls, shown at different points in their careers and in their lives.  As they go through the...weeks or maybe two months, I guess...where they're training for their big Vegas show, we see them interacting with each other, and we see how all that goes.

POAS is the type of thing which sounds on paper extremely boring, but it ain't so bad.  The movie shifts focus between the three of them, although honestly it's mostly about only two.  I have a truly hard time saying what happened with the third girl, or even who the third girl was.  I don't remember names, so here we go.

Girl 1:  Older, married to Tony Curtis, 16 or so years in Vegas, had been a showgirl at some point before I think.  Her story is not a personal growth one really.  She is a bitch and eventually gets a bit nicer, and additionally her financial struggles are a plot point.
Girl 2:  Arguably the main focus and main character.  She is the first girl we see, in her nice new car driving to Vegas escaping her old life.  The movie follows her as her old lover comes back to get her to return to him, and as she dates a charming and genuinely likable medical student she finds in Vegas.

POAS is not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I still fast forwarded the dancing.  Who cares, I mean c'mon.  I'll give this a slightly above average 3 stars.  See!?  I don't even want to give it a 3.5, which is a rating I've given on this set before.  It just is not a 3.5 star movie, it's not my fault.  In comparison to things on the set, the many 0 star hurt films, this is a 4 star movie.  But alone?  As a film?  This is fucking 3 yo.

A Minor Miracle - 1983

Pele, soccer player. Household name. Person who I thought was white.

In this classic tale of soccer player saves an orphanage, some old priest guy who runs an orphanage is dying of cancer and he's trying to get the orphans taken care of so he writes to Pele and ask him to come to their fundraising event. Pele never gets the letter so therefore he doesn't come.

Orphanage is in trouble and pretty soon the kids go to Pele and they recruit him and he comes and coaches them.

Lots of soccer playing, a little bit of charming acting, and some easy as numbers plot.  It went by quick and painless.

Pele stars as himself and he interacts with the orphans and looks thoroughly good guy in this.  Its the story of him saving an orphanage, basically, and I guess it's based on a true story?  At the end it says the orphans live on land donated by Pele.

Anyways, it's all fine.  The kids are surprisingly good at soccer, and again, I wonder where this was filmed.  Is this actually a Brazilian creation?  It certainly looks like it.  No one besides Pele has an accent though.

I dunno.  This movie was pretty stupid.  It hits the marks you need it to, but damn.  It's like, not a good  movie or anything.  About a 2.  A 1.5?  I dunno.

Somewhere, Tomorrow - 1983

Sarah Jessica Parker looks about 19 or so in this film.  This read like a drama in the description, and I was really glad to see it was more of a comedy and a ghost story than anything else.

Ghost as in, the movie Ghost.  Good Ghost.  Ghost where the single Ghost comes back and only one girl can see it.  Ghost is of Terry, a teen guy who died in a plane crash.  Sarah Jessica Parker's character is going through some turmoil as she gains a possible new step dad, and so she thinks Terry is there to help her.  It's not really so much of a comedy but some laughs, and it's entertaining and fast paced (sometimes).

Antics and romance happen and it takes a while to get anywhere, but eventually they get their mutual friend Paul (or whatever his name is) to help.  It's a nice refresher from the duldrum of this set recently.

Saigon, Year of the Cat - 1983

I'm running out of ways to start the blog.  I watched Saigon: Year of the Cat, in my last ditch effort to finish this boxset.

Saigon, Vietnam, 1984ish I guess.  British and French are both in Vietnam, chilling out, doing stuff.  Judi Dench is a...woman...I don't know what she's doing I guess, but she starts to have an affair with a guy that is in the US embassy.  The movie is a political one, a movie where this probably would've been better if I'd known what was going on.

The movie is cheap, low quality transfer, etc, first of all.  Then the accents.  Then the fact there is so much dialogue.  It was just plain boring for a lot of it, and despite the parts where I got pulled in by acting or by the plot, there was more than enough tedium and ho hum to go around.

So yeah, it's alright.  It's better than usual I guess. I'll give it maybe 2, 2.5 or so.

Second Sight: A Love Story - 1984

Another movie on the set I watched and forgot to write a review for!  Fuck, dude, that's really bad, I would not want to watch any of these more than I have to.

Elizabeth Montgomery stars as Alexandra, a woman blind since she was a teenager.  I don't think they ever said why or how she became blind, but either way she has adapted to the sightlessness and now she lives in her own little world.  She works at a museum assisting blind children, she has a good friend there, and she goes home where she feels comfortable.

Her brother knows that she won't consider surgery, they've been down that road before.  But, after her house is robbed, she does decide to get a guide dog.  About that same time she has been out on a few dates with gentleman suitor Richard.  Despite the fact she has a giant chip on her shoulder and acts a bit like a self important bitch, he likes her anyways.

Then, the things that happen are her getting the dog, bonding with the dog, and her getting a boyfriend and bonding with the boyfriend.  Once again, the prevailing theme tends to be that if these movies are more dramatic and emotionally told, I like them more.  And this is following that trend.  The acting is good, the story has enough going on.  It's not a great movie by FAR, but it delivers on what it intends to do at least somewhat.

I'll give it a 3 I suppose.

Dear Mister Wonderful - 1981

Stuff happening: the movie. An actual line from Dear Mister Wonderful: I squeezed some orange juice but a guy stole the paper, ok?

Joe Pesci is a good actor to my surprise, and tries to sell the fuck out of this shit but it is just not making any sense so far.

At some point you just need to cut something off. This is the movie equivalent to a 10 month relationship where you don't fuck. Fuck that!

From what I read online, the supposed plot is about this guy having personal growth as he struggles in New York City. I got 40 minutes in and nothing had happened, so I turned the movie off.

Intimate Agony - 1983

Intimate Agony has a plot that, when written sounds like the Jaws of STD outbreaks. Small beach community, buncha random middle age stars, and a politician that doesn't want word of the news spreading for the ensuing "bad reputation / lack of money" reasons.

Talking: The Movie. That's the uncredited alternate name to this bland drama. Who CARES???! I'm 20 minutes in. I don't know if I'll make it.

26 minutes in a kid is getting an ear infection. The main character looks like Kenny G, and is a doctor, and he's hitting on flock-haired 80s mom. Random dude is a STD-haver and he therefore won't fuck his pregnant wife. Drama! Doesn't he know some peeps (yours truly) would kill to fuck a pregnant woman?!

Robert Vaughn is the Jaws mayor who didn't want to have people knowing about the shark. I guess this was made because of the aids epidemic and because it was hot and new. How much money...will I bet this was made for tv... how much? When did girls start shaving their armpits anyways?

Toby McTeague - 1986

I went ahead and put on the dog racing movie I referred to on the last blog entry.  I meant to put this on at a time when I was in a "I don't fucking care" type of mood.  Because realistically, this is the kind of movie where you won't care.

Toby McTeague is a movie and a character in the movie.  He is a teenager, living in like Alaska or North Canada or Antarctica or some place like that.  One of those snow covered, wintery places where people live in log cabins and things happen.

When I was a kid, we owned the movie Iron Will.  Iron Will was some VHS gifted to us by some random ass person.  Iron Will was a dog racing movie, about a dude named Will who enters a dog race and it's brutal and crazy and eventually he somehow wins.  It was somewhat dark though, for sure a little offbeat and under the radar.  This movie, Toby McTeague was like Iron Will without those dark qualities.

Toby's dad is a dog racing champ and single father of two boys.  All they have is the dogs and the sleds, and when father and Toby get in a argument that results in Toby leaving the home, father comes to the rescue and ends up crashing a plane (...oh, uh, I guess they had a plane too) during his landing.  Father is hurt and so that means he's out of the race.  But the race pays $6000 and that could perhaps just be enough to save the family. Could Toby do it?

That's actually the plot up to the hour mark, or maybe even after.  It's all what you expect, straight forward as hell.  I thought the strangest thing about it was probably where it was filmed, I'm guessing Canada, but I don't really know.  (It was Canada, that's two points for me)  Whatever, it's irrelevant, the movie is extremely easy to guess what'll happen and it's your average 1, 1.5 star experience.

One minute of research shows me that Iron Will and Toby McTeague share a writer!  No wonder it reminded me of Iron Will.  Djordje Milicevic wrote on both movies.

Scandal Sheet - 1985

Didn't have to guess the year on this one, they said it in the movie.  And for some reason, I'm inclined to believe they stated the current year.  I also played this movie on accident.  I meant to play the dog racing drama and for some reason selected this movie anyways.

Burt Lancaster and Frances McDormand join the ranks of known stars on the 80s boxset in this feelingly made-for-TV type drama.  I guess I'll go out on a limb and say possibly made for TV anyways.  (it was!  score 1 for me)

Scandal Sheet is the story of a young, charming writer in New York who so happens to be friends with an actress who is married to a struggling actor named Ben Rowan.  Rowan has been in the news lately for his alcoholic antics, and has since given up alcohol.  When the three of them are all seen together, the local version of US Weekly wines and dines the writer with the intention of putting her on a piece about Rowan.

And this was a solid, fine, decent movie.  It hits all the right dramatic moments, has clarity and simplicity.  Burt Lancaster as the boss of US Weekly brings gravitas and importance to his role.  Frances McDormand plays the wife of Ben Rowan, and yeah....I don't know who played the main character.

I really hoped this was 90 minutes and not longer.  I will say, there is a major plot hole near the end, and there was also the feeling that it could have gone easily another 10, 15, 20 minutes even.  Thankfully no.  This was no Callie and Son.  92 minutes and 3, 3.5 stars even?  I enjoyed this more than a lot of the films on here I'd seen recently, that's for fucking sure.

Callie and Son - 1981

Callie and Son starts like it's going to be a girl-gave-her-kid-up-for-adoption drama.  In the first few minutes, we meet Callie who is giving birth to a son, a son from a never-mentioned father, and when she gives birth she signs papers and gives him away legally.

What spins out from this beginning was unexpected, not entirely in a good or bad way.  Reason number one is that it is 2 hours and 15 minutes.  I'm going to guess right now that this was based on a book.  A long, long book.

Where to start with this?  It's a relatively simple story actually.  Callie goes through hardships as a single woman rebuilding her life, puts herself into school, meets a newspaper mogul and eventually marries him, gets reunited with her son when he is probably about 7 or so, her husband dies, life changes, her son grows up, her son experiences difficulty with jobs, writes a scathing article about politics which gets him into politics, he gets married to arguably the wrong girl, problems are had, and eventually the last few moments of the movie are about what end up happening with the relationship.

Spoilers I guess, just for completion sake.  Callie's son Randall had married this girl who seduced him.  Callie herself doesn't "approve" of this girl, especially when it turns out the girl has a troubled past involving pornography and blackmail.  Eventually when she's really drunk, the new wife unleashes her rage on Callie.  New wife has a gun, which Callie wrestles away from her, and shoots the girl in the face!  What the fuck!  Then, we have a courtroom drama in the last 25 minutes as the son, Randall, goes on trial for murder.

I really did not see the plot of this one coming at all, and I have to say it was both really good at times, and incredibly tedious at others.  The movie suffers from a TON of story, and at times the part you're watching truly won't matter.  However, if you look at it through the lens of a dramatic "life story" type of movie, well then it needs to have all those parts.

The only thing I wished was, with the end, they had a tacked on a rather confusing little bit where it seems Callie adopts another boy?  I was confused and frankly irritated at that.  Also, a strange and rather uncomfortable possible incest angle that I didn't need.

All in all though, wow.  What the fuck.  Giant, sprawling epics was never something I would have wanted or guessed the boxset had.  I really hope there's no more of these.  A couple of the remaining 7-8 movies sound like real slogs, which is why I've slowed down, and I don't know if I can manage another over 2 hour epic.  Aw god.  Either way, this is pretty good, despite my complaining, and I give it a 2.5.