Nudist Colony of the Dead - 1991

 I’m writing this down because of the high chance this movie never tops its first joke. A fake THX sound and box appears and it says “the audience is squinting” before it gives its own Super 8 logo. Honestly…brilliant. And hilarious. 

Again going to me trying to find hidden gem underground cult movies and dialing up Troma or Full Moon adjacent “stuff” that I add to the list.  I think part of this whole cult movies thing is sort of a custodian-ship.  To be the guy that introduces friends to fun movies, super unheard of underground trash that's great to dial up when y'all are staying up til midnight crushing PBRs.  So this is likely part of an attempt to find fun watches, and like I said before my solo enjoyment of these has always been limited.

If they're fast paced enough, especially a comedy that still works is going to be a decent enough time.  Also this era is usually less meta than things would get later, so that's giving them an advantage right off.  Guys, lets end meta okay?  As a culture?  Can we, please?

Of course, comedy has always been specific, and this movie reminds me of a style that is just not around anymore. It’s been takes over both by culture and by different styles. What I mean is there used to just be a "standard joke" that you would get across the board in many things - think of the joke of a woman's eyeshadow forming rivers when she cries - that type of joke that you would just see everywhere and everyone agreed "that was comedy" and it was funny, and equally low brow or highbrow could have it - that type of thing is just gone.

 Similarly, but different is the comedy song. Some parody or jingle, and some self-aware medium energy very simple lyric song that was accepted as one of those things that was in everything whether it be Monty Python or The Simpsons, all the way to Richard Cheese or South Park.  It was a testament to the writing of a thing, "could they do a song?' and its fascinating how many different things attempted it and then how dead it is now.

This movie certainly follows the trend of older comedies by having lots of the "standard jokes" and many of its standard jokes it does time and time again, driving it absolutely into the ground.  It wastes probably 50 or so minutes of this 90 something minute movie on comedy songs, which are like, you know fine, but not incredible or anything. For a movie called Nudist Colony of the Dead there's not a lot of nudity and there's barely any scenes with zombies even, instead we just follow our plucky heroes singing a lot.

Its completely "fine" and "unremarkable" both, I'll give it 2 stars for the light energy time stamp that it is, but this is not like a fun movie really.  Its just sorta a uniquely bizarre thing.

Rottweiler - 2004

 Look, not all of these are streaming or at the library.  The thing about my taste is that it ranges towards obscure sometimes, and some C tier SyFy level dog movie is not going to be the hot item, ever.  So I watched this in Russian with no subtitles on some sketch website.

Added at a time when I was into Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna.  I was describing to my girlfriend, this has always been an interest of mine to see where these guys ended up, and goddamnit if this is not part of the reason why right here:  discovering as I did just now that Stuart Gordon's second to last movie Edmond was a movie that played at my theater when I worked there?  What?!  I never discovered that before?  Also did not know Stuart Gordon passed away in 2020, rest in peace to a great director.

Brian Yuzna appears to be retired after working more recently as an Exec Producer and such, and I think he willingly does not make movies anymore.  With dregs like Rottweiler being probably what was offered to him, it's easy enough to see why. 

Rottweiler has the "oh so intelligent" idea of having a robot-infused-dog chasing after a guy, and that is simple but it takes about 45 minutes to get there.  We see strung out looking Dante as he shoots a dog with a shotgun, which is then returned to life and given robot teeth by Paul Naschy.  Queue an oddly long scene where nude Dante runs from the dog and we almost ALMOST see dick many times.  

For a movie with a dog with robot teeth, this thing is so boring and just does not have any fun to it.  It sounds good on paper, cybernetically enhanced dog in early CGI area.  They got a real dog and they did what they could I guess, but it just sits there.  Its not fun.  There are tits and there is a dick briefly and watching it in Russian was kinda fun, but this movie is not good.  I give it a 1.5

Phantasm - 1979

 My girlfriend joined me for about the last third of this movie (which is a great time to hop in) and I again relayed a thought I've had often.  This is such a bizarrely unknown movie and series of movies, and director, I really don't know why this isn't up there in the same breath as at least the Pinheads, the Leatherfaces, the maybe slightly B tier of horror icons.

I do think this is undersung and underdiscussed.  I had vaguely heard of it in my late teens or twenties, and I think I eventually watched this about 15 years ago on a one off rental.  I was expecting something kinda bad, because I was never that big of a fan of Bubba Ho-Tep and I really disliked both the book and the movie of John Dies at the End.  I was completely blown away by Phantasm though, and I really enjoyed it.

I think Phantasm was on this list before I watched the first one, but then once I watched the first and didn't watch the sequels, this has been on the list.  Phantasm 5 came out about 10 years ago, and as proof this series is undersung it didn't even play in theaters.  So anyways, that's this series history on my list.

A sex scene ends with the woman killing her lover and transforming into The Tall Man.  We follow Mike as he spies on his brother and discovers The Tall Man as well, leading to the first major development:  a flying metal sphere that will drill your brains out!  This is one of the many weapons both physical and not that The Tall Man possesses and now Mike and his brother are set against him.

This movie is a great class in world building if nothing else.  So much of this seems instantly iconic and instantly makes you want to know more.  What is this, where did it come from, how did it work?  These questions abound as you watch decent actors and cool dark scenes in a fast paced horror sci fi flick that is sort of like nothing else.

It's interesting to have a legit long running series that I haven't seen and I'll watch all of.  I mean, I guess I've done it plenty on here, but I'm hopeful and I'm going to be chock full'o takeaways.  Excellent beginning, 4 star horror sci fi premise here.

The Hideous Sun Demon - 1958

 This is likely not the same as From Hell it Came. This is more probably the result of “I do actually like 50s monster movies, here’s an obscure one”.

This is sorta a bucking of the trend for 50s monster movies, and atypical in its execution. Sure, having the monster not in most the movie is common. But this movie is short the old guy character, is short the casual friendliness, is short the stuffy coffee drinking scenes. It’s just short overall really. 

We hop right into it with scientist Gilbert getting exposed to some new type of radiation he's working on.  He goes up to the roof and sits in the sun, soon enough he turns into the Hideous Sun Demon!  He scares an old lady and runs off.  Now he's hyper sensitive to the sun's rays.  To console himself he goes to a bar and meets singer and performer Trudy, a woman who he hits it off with and now he's dragging her in too.

"Yes, with extra anchovies...it's his favorite topping."

The effects are decent, and there was a darker tone to this movie which was fun and different.  The scientist thinks about suicide, he kills someone, and there's a noir element to it that matches well with this genre.  Yet its still 50's as ever with schlocky monsters and a damsel in distress.  An interesting blend and a unique one.

I opted to watch the Rifftrax version, which wasn't their best outing, but hey it's free.  I give it a solid 3.

The Ghost Galleon - 1974

Also known as: The Blind Dead 3, Horror of the Zombies, Ship of Zombies, The Ghost Ship of the Swimming Corpses and The Ghost Ship of the Blind Dead.

This was the third in the Blind Dead series, which so far I have been a giant fan of.  This entry concerns some supermodels being sent to International waters and "floating around hoping to be seen by passing ships" for advertisement purposes(?)  While they're out there, a heavy fog rolls in which brings the Ghost Galleon which has the blind dead templars on it.

Every shot on the boat is full of atmosphere and is shot very well.  The dead appear and they look badass as all hell as usual.  Butttttt....  We don't see any of them until literally over 35 minutes in.  Yeah this one is wastin' time as much as it possibly can, just floating around (literally, get it?) and twiddling it's fingers in the meantime.  Character and dialogue aren't this movies strong suits either so that's pretty dull.

The thing about this is that it truly is more slow, less atmosphere, way less templars, and definitely less horror /blood /action.  The ship moments are the highlight, and the rest is pretty much non-existent.  And like I said the boat parts are so much less interesting...  They don't even have the cool echo-ey sound effects, it doesn't have the chains and the crabs and none of that awesome shit.

I haven't looked this up at all but it made me wonder about this series in general.  Was this intentionally made as a four film series, was this ever linked in the mind of the creator beyond being like...similar looking templars?  Are they supposed to be the same templars in the movies?  Maybe some of this is exposited in dialogue that I don't remember...  So for now, for being the weak link in the series still with like 30 minutes of great parts, I give it a 2.

Xtro - 1983

 The film that started it all, right here.

This is a sort of exact marriage between Xtro 2 and 3.  Seeing 1 last, of course, I recognize that in that fashion, but who knows maybe I'd have noticed it anyways.

A man is abducted and comes back a little different.  At the same time, a woman is impregnated by an alien and gives birth to a grown son.  Both are now is under the control of the aliens, and starts to mess with family and neighbors in this dialogue filled, effects little romp.  

Look, this movie has enough effects and isn't super boring, but it really is like if you took the exact point where the effects lacking Xtro 2 and the effects filled Xtro 3 met.  This has like, an okay amount, and it also has Bond girl Maryam D'Abo in multiple topless scenes, which I am incredible happy to see.

To reiterate, I think I heard about this in the multitude of blogs and iMDB lists I used to look through, searching for cult faves that were unheard of.  So I added it with the alien promise and now we're here.  I'll give it like a 2.5 for the fun parts.

Play Dead - 1983

 Part of the allure of something like a slasher is to see what tropes exist, how the movies are similar, how they’re different. The idea of “what do you do with this thing that is inherently prewritten, but can still be unique“?

It’s interesting that horror tropes exist in all genres, but they are are only known in a few. People talk about slasher as the most trope filled horror sub genre. What about ghost movies, what about devil movies, what about anything else? I had an idea like “I should see all of the animal attack movies” in part because I’m curious, does it have its own tropes and if it does, what are they.

Also, I recently went through all of the Video Nasty, and now I’m going through my whole list of every movie I’ve ever added... This is proof my brain has always worked this way. It’s the “let’s investigate all of this one specific thing”. I’m sure at times, the list contained more animal attack movies and I have whittled them down. Such as Dogs, and my ultimate search which was the Tippi Hedren movie Roar, of which I read the book. Still need to see. 

Play Dead follows the near supernatural angle for an animal attack movie.  Jilted and jaded elder woman Hester has a new Rottweiler named Greta, and uses voodoo or black magic or incantations or something or other to will the dog to her power.  In this case its increasingly suspicious looking deaths.  The dog causes a car accident, it puts a hair curler in a tub, uses its leash to choke a guy, and eventually people catch on while the body count stacks up.

Its well executed and minimal in scope.  Its believable and is more a of thriller or a character piece almost.  Its not going to change your life but its good within it's realm.  4 stars.

Xtro 3: Watch the Skies - 1995

 You put on the third of this series after watching the dismal second and you don’t expect anything better. Immediately, my hopes are lifted when this at least has an alien in the first few minutes of the film. Now this is the hidden gem that I was looking for. 

I’m at the point where I can watch a movie and I can say this would be great for Rifftrax, and then I call it and they’ve already done it. Because this has the wacky shenanigans, it has the effects. It’s fast paced enough. It has the silly moments and the fun characters and the rubber suits, puppets and goo and slime and it’s a rocking good time. 

I really did enjoy this, even if I couldn’t really tell you the plot beyond there’s aliens and they’re fun looking and people are fighting them. It felt kind of like it was a rip off of X-Files, and it also felt like it was just every horror movie ever about aliens. I really enjoyed it though, and it was very fast paced. 

Despite being meta with a narrator and with a kitschy 50s throw back opening, this thing doesn't lean into it too much to make it unbearable.  It has the moments where you can tell they're trying too hard but it does not dwell in it the way the modern movies might.  They also employ some CGI at a time when its a riot too, its bad and if they used it more it would be rough, but its used sparingly here like the meta shit, just enough.

What a dynamic change from the second part of the series. I hope that the first one is a lot more like this cause I would watch this every day. It’s definitely a one to watch with friends. It’s a great drinking movie, smoking movie, laughing at movie, riffing on, if you wanna be like Mike and the Bots, just watch it okay?

Xtro II: The Second Encounter - 1991

 I'm really trying to think of this one being added to the list.  I think Xtro is a movie I had confused with another movie.  There was an indie lower budget sci fi gem that I read about, and hell maybe this was it, and if it wasn't this than I certainly forgot about it since.

I'm watching these out of order because only Xtro 2 and 3 are on Tubi, I'll watch Xtro 1 on youtube after these, continuing my trend of watching things out of order.  Xtro 1 I have seen is a different plot, these movies are only related due to them being alien in theme with no carryover characters or even specific plot points.  They're just "alien related: the series" basically.

Xtro II is a pretty apparent Aliens ripoff.  It's like the talkier, less effect filled Aliens or kinda both Alien and Aliens ripoff.  A team is sent to another dimension and is attacked by an unseen creature.  The team is attempted to be rescued but now of course the creature is brought back with them.  Nicholas Lea, the only actor in this I knew, is a grunt and one of many that are now in dialogue filled danger from the creature.

I didn't want to trash this thing cause there's individual moments that are decent.  The heating duct crawling, the creature when you see it, the action can all be pretty good.  They are just in the movie SO little it's almost downright insulting.  The majority of this is pretty bad actors saying pretty bad dialogue and uninteresting first take type scenes where nothing really happens.  Its pretty bad.

I said a loud a few times, "this is so bad" and I paused it a few times to see how much was left.  This picked up a little bit in the second half but yeah man.  Its a bit of a slog.  So I give it 2 stars for what it gets right.

Torso - 1973

Also known as The Bodies Bear Traces of Carnal Violence and Carnal Violence.

This will be considered in that realm of "why were the tame Video Nasties labeled that way, while this one was not"?  It's not that this is incredibly violent or pornographic, doesn't have surgery scenes, but its way more insane than, say, Madhouse.  Arbitrary shit dude.

Torso was a pretty well known Giallo, one which I had on a list of many of its type and saw some and just never got around to this one.  Which is a shame, cause it is a good one, and one that is at least fairly well known in it's realm.  Directed by Sergio Martino who we saw with Your Vice and Island of the Fishmen.  I've seen a fair amount of his work, and am usually a fan.

Slasher adjacent as many of the Giallo type tend to be, this has it all.  The body count, the fetish of the knife, the unseen killer, ample ample nudity with some light lesbian scenes, lots of blood including some grisly saw dismemberment scenes, and fun energetic final girl that faces off with the killer.

Early on a kill happens where a black and red scarf is used to choke a woman.  The killer is loose and the four friends of the woman run off to the countryside to escape the threat.  They have a nice big house where the doctor, the bread and milk guy, and the townfolk all are coming by.  There's sexual tension and the list of suspects is small, it could be someone nearby or anyone at all.

This is not the best of the best but it's probably top 50ish?  Its got everything but the soundtrack and some of the camera work that some others do better.  I'll give it like a solid 4.

Pin - 1988

 What is the terminology for this type of thing where it is “take the known entity and subvert in either a horror or sexual way and capitalize on that“?

Pin is added to the list of a time when I am looking for horror, versions of movies, and I watch things like Neil Jordan‘s werewolf movie, Brotherhood of the Wolf, the horror version of Red Riding Hood. Some of these I add because they’re so bad they’re good. Some of these I’m genuinely interested in what is the horror version. There is multiple evil Pinocchio movies some of which I’ve even reviewed on this.

Coming out the same year as Child’s Play, there’s an immediate comparison, especially because I watched Play recently with my girlfriend. There is a world in which this was the more successful evil doll movie and this has perhaps a sequel to instead. That’s a world I want to live in. I love Child’s Play, but I really liked Pin a lot and it’s because of the minimalism which it has a stark contrast to the maximalism of Child’s Play. 

David Hewlett stars in the “is the doll alive or is it all imagined“ plotted film where, with no blood and practically rated G, you have a tense who done it thriller that delivers. I don’t know what to say man, I’m kind of blown away by how good it was.

What makes it interesting is multi layered. It’s the lack of explanation as we have Terry O’Quinn, as a doctor with an anatomical ventriloquist dummy that he uses in his lab. He terrorizes his kids with it, and eventually after dying in a car accident, the kids are still attached to the doll, especially Liam, the boy. Pin is given more and more importance and Liam is now possibly voicing Pin, or Pin is alive, or both, and we go from there as that influences his relationship with his sister. 

There’s a lot going on here and there’s a lot of hints towards things at multiple times but all you really need to know is that it’s an excuse for who done it thriller type stuff and cool creepy scenes with dummies. Any fan of ventriloquist base horror would be overjoyed. I’d say slightly under explored trope for me, so it’s one that I enjoy seeing here and there, and this is a great example of it so I’m gonna give it like a 3 1/2. I keep wanting to go towards four, even.