Lorca and the Outlaws - 1984

 I’ve reviewed a few Italian ripoffs of Star Wars. They’re moderately well known, as far as these things go. Turkish Star Wars is even in there, cemented as a strange cash in. So what about Australia?

Also known as Starship. 

This is an incredibly strange blender of the things from Star Wars again put through a nonsense filter and taking certain lessons “right” and others “wrong”. It occurred to me while I watched it, how many people grew up with this and liked it?  Star Wars is also nonsense. The plot is linear and it’s a simple heroes journey which is why it works but it doesn’t explain jack shit either as far as anything else goes. 

So Lorca and the Outlaws is a the same thing slightly as things like these. This time it’s an executive order asking all androids to take over the work being done on the ship or whatever and to eliminate all humans. Main character Lorca teams up with a kid robot to fight the baddies and to lead a revolution. 

There’s also a random Peter Gabriel musical portion?! San Jacinto plays with a dude lip synching to it…why?! What is this?!

I watched this because I’m in New Zealand and wanted to watch things relevant, related, nearby or whatever. This was a fairly unknown sci fi movie that I watched online seemingly taped off TV. I think for this type of thing this is pretty cool, except my god is it hard to follow. Just like the Italian ones it’s more you’re watching “stuff happen” versus a real plot or a movie. It gets kinda tiring and dense, borderline impenetrable at times. Luckily this one is a bit easier to watch but still a challenge. 

It’s a strange and uneven movie, but it looks great and it can certainly be engaging.  3 stars

Pulgasari - 1985

 Also known as (supposedly in Pakistan) Zombi 34: Communist Bull Monster.

We’ve seen poster and even tagline is better than the movie stories, how about lore is better than the movie? This movie isn’t bad, it’s gonna get like a 3.5 or so, but how can one beat this lore??!

Apparently North Korea wanted a few movies and didn’t have a strong cinematic culture. So why not steal from the South? They kidnapped a South Korean director and had him make them a few movies including this one. He later escaped during a film festival somewhere, but what?! Crazy!

Pulgasari is a Korean legend, and this reminds me a lot of the Daimajin films. Specifically these are all films that take place feudal times and revolve more around the monster as a blessing and a curse. 

The soul of a blacksmith gets roused to protect his daughter from a warlord in this North Korean epic. When she is in pain, Pulgasari gets raised first as an inch tall creature and will eat iron to grow larger and larger until it is Godzilla size and the warlord is trying to stop it. First with fire, then with a stone trap and then with cannons, nothing seems to work to stop the monster.

Featuring a great costume and fun effects, this is a kaiju film that also embraces some of the silliness of the Godzilla series around this time. There are segments that remind me of Son of Godzilla and there are segments that harken back to classic Godzilla films. I’m a little bit surprised that this is such a hit because it is very similar to most of the fare around this time, but I suppose that it was popular enough that there was room for one more.

I don’t believe honestly that this was ever truly released with the Zombie title. Maybe it was they just didn’t know what to call this… But whatever it doesn’t matter. I hadn’t seen this since high school, and it was fun to revisit so I’ll give it a 3.5.

Revenge in the House of Usher - 1983

 Also know as Neurosis, The Fall of the House of Usher, and Zombie 5. 

I’m going to watch Pulgasari again and then I’m done. Usher was a story by Edgar Allen Poe which I haven’t read, and this is maybe that or maybe inspired by that or maybe nothing at all. 

What it is, you have an old man recounting his abductions and killings of young women to a blood hungry creature. He has a glass eyed Igor like assistant and that looks fun, modern era in color and flashbacks in black and white. 

I’ll say there’s some atmosphere to this and some of the flashbacks and such are interesting? But holy fuuuck does this feel long. It just sits there and it absolutely doesn’t pull you in. Once it stops being a flashback to I’d be hard pressed to tell you what happened in the rest of the movie, because it’s not clear. 

No nudity or gore, was this thing rated G? It’s also unintentional but these are getting less “Zombie” with each one I watch and spoiler alert the next one is the least Zombie of them all. Weird. This is a 1.5 zone snooze fest. 

The Cars That Ate Paris - 1974

 Reportedly a large inspiration for Mad Max, and I can see it, this is another strange down under apocalypse(?) movie. 

The similarities are many. Both films are about strange societies and the laws and rules they have, and are NOT POST apocalypse!! It’s more like society is in a place of moral and economic decay, strange things happen that are out of the control of the main character, and shit goes sideways from there. 

Arthur is a bad driver. He is vacationing with a towed trailer and goes off the road for some inexplicable reason and crashes. He ends up in Paris Australia where he discloses he also hit and killed(?) a old man driving once. The mayor or whatever, some guy, basically adopts him. Meanwhile, creepy cars are getting closer and closer to the city, crashing and acting all dangerous in what is likely more a metaphor for mental disease than a real threat. 

The movie should be looked at that way because, I’m not trying to slam it here, but if you look at it as a real narrative it doesn’t make sense. Characters and circumstances and events are never explained.  They seem to want the cars to be alive yet they do admit and confront the people driving the cars. The what is happening of it all doesn’t have explanation  the old dude that adopts a grown man is never explained.

However if you look at it as a man with repeated trauma enters a period of rehab or a sort of  experimental therapy, confront his fear and overcomes it, the film makes sense.  Again I do enjoy this I just think it’s interesting that this and Mad Max get looked at as films where that certainly was not the original thing  Max was a police officer, society was fractured but intact.  You’re telling me police exist in a world with a bullet farm and Immortan Joe?

Cars here is a really strange and slightly inexplicable film that is slightly long and tedious with a few absolutely thrilling sequences.  I give it a 2.5

Oh and I’m traveling in New Zealand for a month  entries will be minimal.

Alls Well, Ends Well - 1991

 Stephen Chow could have arguably one of the front runners of Asian comedy at one point. I’m going to see if any of his recent stuff has even been released in the US. No not really. He pretty much disappeared after Kung Fu Hustle. 

Alls Well was back before his real western breakthrough, at a time when likely this wasn’t distributed much in the US beyond Asian stores. It also exemplifies the style of some Hong Kong comedies of the 80s and 90s in its high energy and completely off the wall delivery and style. 

The story is a somewhat ethereal love woe thing involving Chow and his two brothers, a seemingly gay or maybe just effeminate guy (So), and a third older married man (Moon), whose relationship is dry after 14 years. They all face tumultuous difficulties in their relationships. In Chow’s case falling out of a window and hurting his brain in a way that makes him act bizarre. Moon has a mistress that’s discovered, So needs to tap into masculine energy. 

These are the stories but they’re all loose to put it mildly. It’s a ridiculous romp of shenanigans, physical humor, deception and differing values. People make mistakes, they make bizarre judgement calls, all sorts of shit goes on. And that’s just how it is. 

The subtitles were certainly all over the place and made me think about the rules of the English language. We say “I have to” and not “I’ve to”. Why? I’ve is I have. Why don’t we say that? Anyways that sorta shit abounds in these quite entertaining subtitles. 

I’d say the lack of a story is a slight misstep and the comedy is all one tone as the detractors in this movie. It doesn’t hurt it too much but it just keeps it in a certain realm. I recommend Wheels on Meals for grade A, this is like grade C+.  So you know; 3 stars. 

A Virgin Among the Living Dead - 1973

 I'm more than a little surprised given what all was going on that none of these had been straight out basic porn as of yet.  That ends here.

"This movie is legitimate, right?"

Also known as Christina princesse de l'érotisme, and Zombie 4. This movie exists in a multitude of ways, some with additional footage from different movies spliced in to either add blood or nudity depending on where you were watching it. I wonder which version I watched.

This plot is basically another of these tried and true versions, much like Anthropophagus.  This is "someone inherits a place and creepy things are happening there."  This time its rampant nudity, hints at lesbianism, and undead shenanigans that are happening.

That’s all happening for the first almost hour until at around minute 50 it abruptly changes and you get a borderline experimental dream segment of insane creepiness, eerie music, and the undead raising from the grave. I was actually shocked at how good the sequence was and how effective it is and how long it goes on… and feels like something completely out of a different film. I don’t mean to over hype but this alone wants to make it a 5 star film. 

A complete mixed bag, but the sex stuff works and the dream sequence works. I give this a 4, the good moments are really good. 

Dawn of the Mummy - 1980

 Also known as Zombie 6.  Also, again, a Video Nasty.

I might be done.  I have been unable to find Revenge in the House of Usher...(moments later) okay I just found it online however I'm going to proceed because I may or may not actually get around to watching it on my laptop cuz FUCK that.  We'll see.

Dawn of the Mummy is stepping into one of my favorite subcategories, Egypt lore.  Some people in a pyramid are killed with poison gas, cut to the future and a crew of explorers the tomb and unknowingly raise the dead mummies to now begin coming after folks.  It's interesting to me that the line between mummy and zombie is quite thin, yet again I prefer something else over zombie.  Maybe its the rags, in this case its certainly the setting, I dunno dude I've just never been the biggest zombie dude.

I'm slightly surprised this would be labeled a Video Nasty because nothing that crazy happens in it.  I could be watching the censored version that has about 2 minutes less of footage, not sure what was on Tubi.  Probably.  There's a cool head chopping sequence and some decent gore effects and that's all fun and good.

So a lot of these were a relative breeze, I believe I watched 11 new movies in order to complete the "series".  Links?  Oh man.  I dunno about that.  Lets see here.  How about this, you can have these and you can do the rest yourself, because they're all more recent.   Oasis of the Zombies, Vengeance of the Zombies, Nightmare City, Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, Burial Ground.

Fuck. I skipped A Virgin Among the Living Dead.  Okay, well, that's next.

Anthropophagus - 1980

 Also known as The Grim Reaper, Zombie 7,  and The Savage Island.

Gorefests like this also fall into my long ago project of watching Video Nasties, which could very well be my next series...hmmm...I do remember wanting to watch all of them.

Anthropophagus is a made up word essentially combining words for human and eating, meaning human eater.  Rarely does a made up word sound so legitimate and good, and its a good level place to start from for this movie, a low budget and insane gorefests which somehow consistently overachieves.

Its perhaps because of minimal scope, in a setup that is often seen but I still like.  Couple of people come to a small remote community, everyone is either standoffish or completely absent and the mystery builds.  Its slasher-esque in having some continual deaths while we build mystery and finally the killer is full on after our main characters and he's a bloody freakish weirdo played by George Eastman.

In the strictest sense this is the least "Zombie" movie as he is never stated to be undead and is instead a freaky cannibal man who is truly monstrous sure, but no zombie.  He does some insane shit, and this movie is known for the scene where he rips a baby out of a woman's vagina and eats the fetus.  Gooood stuff.

So minimal in scope and lots of gore keep this thing movie, and it elevates as a decent entry into the franchise and really more of a slasher than I expected.  4 stars.

Hell of the Living Dead - 1980

 I wonder if, with zero research being done at this moment, the Zombie series has an entry directed by every known Italian horror schlockmeister?  Its a bit of a long list, but also it can be short depending how you define it.  Jess Franco, Bruno Mattei, Lucio Fulci are three big ones, most lists would include them.  Michele Soavi, Lamberto Bava, Claudio Fragasso, these guys would appear on some lists but not all...  anyways, interesting to think about.

Also known as Virus, Night of the Zombies, Zombie Creeping Flesh, Zombie Inferno, and lots of others including Zombie 4.

I'm lucky I chose Zombie as a series, because really I am almost done with this as a series number one, but number two the films listed as connecting to Night of the Living Dead is way bigger than the Zombie series.  Nope, not starting that.  In fact I don't know what's next for me, but it will certainly be something different.

Hell of the Living Dead is pretty low on the totem pole as far as these things go.  They could not afford Goblin to make a new soundtrack so they simply lifted songs from other movies.  They spliced in footage from a documentary about Indonesia to make it seem more real...  It was basically not really trying.

That said, its not highly differentiated from several of these other Zombie movies.  It has decent effects, it has female nudity, it has cannibals and zombies both, in a plot extremely similar to Zombie Holocaust.  Eh, I mean, you could do worse...could certainly do better but could do worse.

Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence - 1991

 You know, I would not have put it past this movie to title it Zombie 90 not because it was made in the 90s but because it was sorta saying 89 other Zombie movies had been made.  And not because they were claiming a legacy, more that they did zero research and figured there had been 89 of them.

Also known as Zombie 7 and Zombie 2001: Battle Royale.

This is the type of thing where the director had previously made a series of movies called Violent Shit 1-3, and made a rip off sequel to Anthropophagus.  They're trying to get viewers and keep them by being purposefully bad to a degree here, I have to think, and by being meta and or intentional with exactly what this is...  This is made to be low class stupid low budget schlock, so it should be judged that way.

Zombie 90 is also the type of movie where it now has a permanent joke of an English dub on it.  Apparently the story goes that the composer did all the voices himself and made them incredibly stupid, and the director was like "yeah perfect" and left it all in.  They also changed the dialogue to a large extent, having characters talk about taking shits and other stupid bullshit like that.

The plot is really third or fourth down the list of things this movie is concerned with, it is basically that two doctors unleash a new disease that makes zombies, and yeah whatever now there's zombies all over coming after people.  There's nonstop zombie violence from minute one, and though its amateur as all get out and the large majority of the "comedy" doesn't work, there are a few moments like the baby kill scene that might illicit a mild chuckle or smile from ya.

This falls into a weird category for me with rating.  It sets out with a specific intent and does achieve it, its just not ever been "my thing" and at less than 90 minutes still feels long.  It's one tone (or less) and if you are into it you're into it, but for me...uh... 3 stars.

Panic - 1982

 Also known as Bakterion, Monster of Blood, and Zombie 4.

I was composing this whole thing in my head for a lead in to this review about what makes movies good, or at least better, than others.  I don't feel like I need to exactly spell it out for you though.  Memorable characters, smart dialogue, cinematography, like if you don't know this stuff than watch more movies.

But the reason I was thinking this was because a lot of the zombie movies I've been watching have had nothing really worth mentioning, and that another way of saying that none of those things I mentioned or the other commonly held aspects of what make a movie stand out were present.  Thus, those without the standout parts have to be evaluated more upon things like effects, or pace, or even just something like "well, how bored were you?  Really bored?  Or only kinda bored?"

I'm trying in a roundabout way to determine why I liked Panic more than some of these others.  What can I say, it had some standout sequences, a cool ending, good effects, some topless (and bottomless) female nudity...  I mean maybe this is part of criticism, which is to say overall I'm sure its hard to make a movie, but also we're not asking for that much.  It just has to grab us in some way and more often than not that can be relatively up to you the filmmaker to give us whatever, as long as its something.

So in that way Panic stands out and overachieves in just a small way, not as big as some, but it is good.  In the scope of lookalike zombie movies, see this one.  4 stars.