My ex-wife was aware I was watching Mill Creek's Sci-Fi Invasion Box Set. I'd told her about it a few times, hell maybe even "bragged" that I was going to see every one of those shitfests. So then, perhaps out of some leftover divorce-driven hatred of me, she got me TWO of these hulking bastards on my birthday. Look at this monster again, for fucks sake.
Again, I WATCHED IT.
I fucking WATCHED you, you bastard.
I'm fine, I swear. Now lets get to the long part of this. These are links, 1-3 sentence reviews, and a final retrospective rating (if I change it or not, we'll see). See the above link to my Sci Fi Invasion set if you want to see how this works. Each rated out of 5 stars, listed here alphabetically:
Against a Crooked Sky: Fittingly enough, this was one where I didn't pay attention a lot. It's cowboys vs Indians story in the old west. Kid and old drunkard rescue a girl. 2.5 stars I'll shift to 2.
Border Cop: Telly Savalas is a tough but friendly cop keeping things controlled at the Mexican border. Average border action and drama ensues. Partially in Spanish with no subtitles. 1.5 stars.
The Borrowers: It's a made-for-TV movie based on the popular book about tiny people living in the floorboards. Fine enough effects, a bit stuffy of a film. Yawn inducing for sure. 2 stars.
C.C. and Company: Footballer Joe Namath is C.C. Ryder, a biker rebel in this extremely bland and average biker crime film. He has the money, baddies want it, girls gets involved. Ho-hum. 1.5 stars.
Cold Sweat: The director of Dr. No made this Charles Bronson film, written by Richard Matheson, and despite all those names, it's a bland and basic "retired criminal versus the mob" flick. 2 stars.
Concrete Cowboys: One of the many TV pilots that weren't picked up, Tom Selleck and his buddy are drifters turned crime solvers. It has some likable parts, but it's hard to follow. 2.5 stars.
Congratulations, It's a Boy!: Hey, guess what, Bill Bixby as a playboy finds out he's got a son he never knew existed! No heavy wacky antics, but instead a slightly heart-warming story ensues. 3.5.
The Cop in Blue Jeans: Italian cop/crime drama with Jack Palance as the baddie, this was successful enough to have 11 sequels! It's probably likable to some, I found it very average. It's okay. 3 stars.
Crypt of the Living Dead: I honestly don't remember this movie at all right now. My review claims it looked old, but was still pretty good. I remember I paid attention too. Who knows. 3.5 stars.
David Copperfield: I tried to get through this Charles Dickens story of a young man growing up and his life and loves. I was way too bored and in a negative headspace. I skipped it. Not rated.
The Death of Richie: Great actors lift this made-for-TV story of a teenage boy drug addict and his affecting struggle with the drugs. It's was actually very well done! 4 stars. I might say 4.5.
Death Scream: Although this occasionally was able to have an atmosphere to it, it was ultimately too long and uneven. A woman's child is kidnapped, basically. I gave it 1.5 stars, it might deserve more.
The Driver's Seat: Wacky, uneven and exploitative feature that had Elizabeth Taylor acting crazy as she searches for a man to fulfill her bizarre fantasy. Nudity helped it to 2.5 stars, it deserves less.
Evel Knievel: An actual biopic on the stuntman would've been pretty cool. This has parts of that, some to keep you interested, but it hops around too much, and skimps on too many details. 2 stars.
Fair Play: Intensely long feeling, super boring western about some conflict in the small town of Fair Play. I didn't pay a lot of attention and hated it. I gave it a rare "frowning face emoji pretzel" rating.
Firehouse: A racially charged drama about a black fireman coming to a all white firehouse in NY, another TV pilot. The actual TV series dropped the race angle. It was pretty good. 3 stars.
The Four Deuces: Jack Palance in a bizarre comic-book-style crime film where the tone shifts faster than a stick-shift in rush hour traffic. I gave it 1 star, it might deserve to get more.
Get Christie Love!: Blaxploitation takes to the small screen as a TV series and then this made-for-TV movie based on the series. Teresa Graves is good, the action not so much. Feels toned down. 2 stars.
Good Against Evil: TV pilot for what I think would've been a interesting show about a cult trying to get an innocent woman and Dack Rambo protecting her, has some supernatural elements, 3.5 stars.
The Gun and the Pulpit: Marjoe Gortner is a criminal with a heart of gold who gets a second chance when he finds a preacher outfit and wears it into the next town, fighting the baddies there. 2.5.
The Hanged Man: A criminal is hung and survives, so he turns over a new leaf and decides to be good now and help fight the local bad guys he used to run with. Blah, 2 stars.
How Awful About Allan: Even Anthony Perkins and me watching this movie like 3 times couldn't help it. It's just slow, not that interesting, and has major plot holes upon any examination. Half a star.
Hustling: Based on a newspaper article about prostitution, this has a reporter finding and interviewing streetwalker Wanda about her trade. Some smart insight, some predictable happenings, but well done and heart felt and well acted. 3.5 stars.
James Dean: Written by James Dean's real life friend, this is an impactful insight not just into an actor and screen legend, but a human being and a character. Very well done. 4 stars.
Jane Eyre: Simple story of a man and woman falling in love, but the man has a secret. Old timey type stuff I don't normally like, but I thought this was okay. With George C. Scott. 3 stars.
Jory: Possibly one of the ugliest names on the set, this is a coming of age story with the same actor as The Death of Richie (above) and is well acted. He grows up in the old west, and it's hard. 3 stars.
Katherine: My intro to the set was a dynamic, stylized, interesting story with Sissy Spacek and other great actors. It was a amazing start, and still I think an awesome movie. I gave it 5 stars!
The Klansman: An all star cast, for me, couldn't save this racially charged cops versus klan thing. It felt like it was sympathetic to the klan, and it wasn't well written enough. 1 star, for the cast.
Las Vegas Lady: Lucky and her friends team up to steal money from a casino in Vegas. It's like a way lower budget, not as good Ocean's 11. 1.5 stars seems right.
F. Scott Fitzgerald and 'The Last of the Belles': Two stories in one, one about F. Scott as he was writing Belles, and then Belles itself. Neither is likable or well done. This was a chore. No stars.
Maybe I'll Come Home in the Spring: Sally Field and other great actors lend power to this somewhat incomplete story of a runaway daughter who comes home to deal with her family. 4 stars.
Mister Scarface: Jack Palance again, and he's a main baddie again, and this times some two guys are teaming up to try to get some money stolen from him. Mostly bland fair and tedious. 2 stars.
Mr. Sycamore: Trippy little story of a normal guy who one day decides to turn himself into a tree. He goes out, stands in a hole, and awaits transformation. I gave it 3.5 stars?! I'd go to 2/2.5 now I think.
The New Adventures of Heidi: Based on a book, the story of a girl living with her grandfather in the Swiss Alps. Grandpa starts going blind and she goes to the city with a friend. Somehow I found it emotionally affecting and I gave it 4 stars. I'd bet it deserves more like 3.
The Proud and Damned: I don't remember this one much, but it was about a couple tough cowboys and a town trying to get them involved in their struggle a la Yojimbo. Boring, I gave it 1 star.
A Real American Hero: Buford Pusser gets a made-for-TV movie starring Brian Dennehy where they make up some new conflicts for him with trouble makers. It's whatever. 3 stars, mostly for acting.
The River Niger: James Earl Jones turns in a great performance in a family drama story where they try to tackle a lot of big themes, some of it works and some of it doesn't. 3 stars, again for the acting.
Rogue Male: Peter O'Toole is great as a criminal on the run, playing a game of cat and mouse with local police. He tries to escape the law after shooting at Adolf Hitler. 4 stars, great movie.
Stunts: Someone is killing stuntmen. When his brother is killed, it's up to stuntman Glen to investigate and find out what's the deal. In the meantime, stunts are also performed. 2.5 stars.
The Swiss Conspiracy: David Janssen is the lead man uncovering a conspiracy in Switzerland. Great location, but plot holes and generally bland feelings slow it down to a crawl of a film. 2.5 stars still.
The Squeeze: Lee Van Cleef and Karen Black. He's the retired criminal who pulls one last job, gets injured, goes to rest up. She's the next door neighbor who notices him and gets involved. 3 stars.
They Call it Murder: A body in a pool, no clear murderer, but the detective in charge questions all the people involved including Jessica Walter, Ed Asner and Leslie Nielsen. Whodunnit? 3 stars.
To All My Friends on Shore: A Bill Cosby passion project which he helped write and produce, he did music and acted in. A black family struggles to get by, their son becomes ill, etc. Decent, 3 stars.
Treasure of the Jamaican Reef: Stellar underwater scenery elevates a simple story of people searching out a treasure. I thought it was a shark movie for the first hour cause I read the description wrong or something. If you go into it expecting a shark, really raises the tension. I give MY experience a 4.
Wacky Taxi: Comedian John Astin wrote and acted in this terrible comedy movie about a guy who randomly decides to start driving a taxi. It's got zero laughs and is incredibly bad. Half a star.
Wanted: Babysitter: A kid and his babysitter are kidnapped. Even with sexy Maria Schneider, this film was way too uneven, hard to follow, and felt like it never decided where it was going. 1.5 stars.
The War of the Robots: A Star Wars inspired Italian space action flick where bald, gold aliens kidnap an American to help them fight their war against silver robot men. Confusing but fun, 2.5 stars.
Warhead: David Janssen again, this time he's a bomb expert or something and gets called in when a nuclear bomb is dropped and left un-detonated in the middle east. Action ensues, 2.5 stars worth.
The Werewolf of Washington: Dean Stockwell is a politician and assistant to the president when he gets the werewolf curse in this comedy. Actually funny and well acted! 4 stars seems high though.
The Young Graduates: Two girls hit the road in this coming of age sort of movie. A lot happens to them, although nothing seems to make a difference and nothing happens in the end. 1 star seems a little harsh on it though, I might raise it to 2.
So.... reflections I guess. Looking through the ratings here, 22 movies were rated 3 stars or higher. Interestingly enough, on the Sci Fi Invasion boxset I gave 22 films below 3 stars, and 28 films 3 or higher. So in that way, they are exactly opposite. And yet, when I was watching it, It didn't feel like it was "worse" Of course 22/28 is a good ratio. That's almost half the movies where I legitimately sort of liked them.
The overwhelming feel of a lot of these was there were a lot of TV pilots, made for TV movies on here. A TV pilot that's made to expand on the characters later, made to not exactly tell you the "whole story" right away can definitely not be the best thing to translate into a movie. Sometimes it would literally be like two episodes, sort of stitched together. Thus, a character, in the first episode, would later disappear completely and never be mentioned. I remember this specifically in Good Against Evil, where the first part of the movie is about one thing, then it changes and it's about something else, with a new idea pushing it forward. Makes for a uneven and somewhat confusing experience if you have the idea "this is a movie" in your mind.
Again like the Sci Fi set, some of these I wasn't in the mood for, didn't pay attention, or just didn't give a chance. David Copperfield, Fair Play, Proud and Damned, etc, these ones someone could make a argument I should've seen again. But you know what? No. You do it. You watch them.
How fast will I get to the Excellent Eighties boxset, you ask? I've technically already seen at least two of the 80's movies. It is funny, because I get so used to always having something to see. I got home last night and I noticed how I automatically reached towards the 70's set. It's funny how quickly you get used to doing this. I almost didn't know what to watch once I'd slayed this dragon.
As a whole set, I'll give it 2.5 stars. It's not awesome. It has a lot of weak links in the chain. I'd actually recommend it mostly for the emotionally charged, decent made for TV movies, which is not what I'd thought I'd come away from this set saying. Maybe they caught me by surprise, maybe they were actually good. Who knows. Either way. Those are my final thoughts.
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