In case you're too lazy to click that or something, and because I think it's pretty genius, I'm going to copy my idea of Star Wars to here. Basically, right here I'm saying how Star Wars would look to someone who didn't know what was going on and only described by some memorable characters and effects:
"So you got this dude and he has these weird metal robots that speak all weird, and he's in this desert but then these white suited guys come after him and he finds this old guy who decides to take him to some planet, and there's this pilot guy with a giant furry ape-type-thing as a friend that only he can understand and they fly away and barely escape. Then there's this huge spaceship and there's this girl on it, and she's good and the bad guys are trying to get information out of her. One of the bad guys is dressed all in black and has some bizarre breathing apparatus on, and he can hurt people without touching them, and eventually the good guys get to the ship and there's fights with these glowing swords and the hero old guy dies...except he actually only sort of disappeared. And they rescue the girl, and fight these huge monsters, and eventually escape and then they come back, in spaceships, and they blow up the huge spaceship."
Genius. On my first review I saw this as a Star Wars clone/ripoff, and it makes me wonder if I paid attention at ALL, and also if I saw perhaps a different movie. Sure, this has a lot of blatant rip off things present in it and it 100% stole them from Star Wars. However, this one is different in many ways as well.
The beginning is completely original-ish. Captain John Boyd is kidnapped by a bald golden-colored alien. Alien (who's name I forget) wants John to help him, and at first there's some conflict. There's a ton of posh looking robot men that the gold bald alien are fighting, and John Boyd is gonna help the aliens fight the robots. Of course it takes about 45-55 minutes for all this to happen, and in the meantime it's all really boring dialogue and nothing much happening.
This is one of those movies where you watch it and it has the effect of feeling like the wheels are just spinning. You're simply watching things happen, with no idea what's really going on, who is who, and why things are happening. It all looks great, it is fun to see the visuals and stuff, but honestly, no fucking clue. Clueless. Towards the end, robots and John Boyd are fighting with ripoff lightsabers, and laser guns are firing left and right, and things are happening, and then all is fine and the movie ends and you turn it off, remarking, "Okay, well that happened."
I had a choice with this one. Should I skip it and decide that I'd already reviewed it in the blog, and thus keep going with the set, or should I rewatch and review it? I'm not going to rewatch the other films that are repeat on this set, I believe there is 2 or so. But, this one was fun to rewatch, and does have a bizarre entertainment quality to it. Nothing that is worth more than 2.5 stars though.
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