How much of my life have I wasted watching stupid ass movies? How many endless days of back to back movies and shows and boring nonsense have I committed to this shit? Way too fucking many. My life feels like it's going nowhere. I can't make decisions anymore. I want everything and nothing. I want to be alone, I want to be with people, I want to work, I never want to work again. Is this what it's like to grow older? Is part of the process literally going insane and never realizing what it is you're after?
People ask me, endlessly, what do you want? As if what I want will solve things. I'll tell you: I just want to not worry. I just want things to make sense. I want to feel like something, somewhere, makes sense. Instead nothing does. The women in my life, the men, the house, the job, the area, the world. I belong and I don't. I love it and I don't. I've been trying to find my niche for my entire life. Where the hell do I belong? Where the hell are there people like me?
What am I. I don't really know. Maybe finding one's niche requires the level of self knowledge I don't have yet. Maybe this is why people commit to something like a sexuality, a interest, a identity. They see parts of others they want, and they adopt that for themselves. But I don't. I just have half interests in things. Brought down by my crushing hatred of interaction and yet, somehow my desire to interact with people on a super fucking deep, emotional and core level.
What does this have to do with Against a Crooked Sky, an average "cowboys vs Indians" western? Well, nothing, obviously. Except I've been outing myself on the kink scene, and while I was watching this I was texting some kinky women, searching events, and trying to track down that cute awkward dude who I kinda wanted to fuck. Do I "identify" with kink? Not really. I am kinky, I am into it, it's not "who I am" though. But might as well get laid right? Who knows, maybe that will at least up my confidence or my experience.
This movie is a family friendly cowboy flick, much more in the vein of something which I might've enjoyed versus that one movie The Proud and the Damned. I remember it had a decent soundtrack, it was shot in Utah and looked great, and the acting was fine. It's the kid from Where the Red Fern Grows, not that I've seen that one, but he is fine as the main character Sam. Sam's sister gets kidnapped by Indians, so he gets an old drunk prospector to help him find the girl, leading the drunkard on with promises of gold.
By the time the end sequence came around, I was burnt out on writing these people, so I paid attention, and I think the end was a great sequence. It had a eerie darkness to it, and although I should rewatch the whole thing, I don't intend to. I also started the next movie, a "comedy" called Wacky Taxi, that I dread finishing. 2.5 stars.
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