Keep My Grave Open - 1977

SF Brownrigg was previously seen on the blog with the Don't series that I think I never truly finished. He is a minor footnote in the horror genre and a low-budet baddie with only 5 films to his name. With this film having been watched, I have now seen 3 of those 5.

Keep My Grave Open feels much likehis in that previous paragraph. Is it worthy of being mentioned? Barely. If I was making a horror book or if I wrote a horror blog, and if it wasn't on my boxset, I would choose to not mention it or it would be a minor, short entry. Welcome to this post, y'all.

So yeah. In this movie, you have a glacial plot movement of a psycho woman who is obviously the killer. She has her house broken into early in the film by some unknown fat guy who steals her meat and wine and is later killed with a sword. Then we got back to the house and we have annoying, badly acted Lesley puttering around, making coffee, talking to her unseen brother Kevin. Seriously, the amount of times the name Kevin is spoken in this. Do a shot for each and you'll die, guaranteed.

Eventually we get to the last 20 minutes where it picks up a tiny bit and the whole plot is unveiled, and its a dumb payoff but it's better than nothing I guess. Stephen Tobolowsky played a small role, I didn't notice him. I give it 1.5 stars.

Red Serpent - 2003

It is rare I guess a movie's year and I am off by 10 years. I guessed 1993. Mind you, I wanted to guess earlier. Cuz this looks that shitty.

Red Serpent stars Roy Scheider in a small role and Michael Pare as the main action hero. Michael Pare has aged well, considering the last thing I saw him in was from the 80's. Roy Scheider is some mob boss and this movie takes place in Russia where Pare's daughter is kidnapped by the Russian mob.

As I watched this, I had a few thoughts. Number one, this is so bad it's good territory. Whenever there is a plot move it feels boring and stupid, but the action scenes, the acting, and the sex scenes are so fucking stupid and poorly done they are laughable, and I mean I did actually laugh. There is a sex scene with Scheider on a pool table, the explosions and the gun shots look retarded, this movie is so bad it's practically mocking itself, yet it is stunning un-self-aware.

The pacing can't quite keep up so it's a bit uneven but the movie ends out in a favorable fashion and if you had a couple drinks like me, you'll enjoy yourself for the plentiful stupid, poorly done moments. 3.5 stars.

Freddy vs. Jason - 2003

At some point in the blog history I was going to stay away from the more known movies in general, but if I had something I wanted to say I'd break that rule and write about it anyways. I did this first with some still slightly under the radar and/or new releases. But I am a fan of the big horror franchises as well, and I've always liked to have their knowledge in my head.

I went through most of the Freddy and the Jason movies in this blog. Part of this is that every few years I get it into me to rewatch these series. Halloween as well. I got into Paul Rust and Matt Gourley's lovely podcast which first tackled Friday the 13th, then Halloween, then Nightmare on Elm Street. This got me really in the mood to see at least one of these films, and I had seen Jason X recently in the blog so fuck it. Haven't seen it since the theater, might as well rewatch Freddy vs Jason.

What do I remember? Surprisingly I remember a lot. First of all, I remember this being a big deal that it was happening, and two years later we got Alien vs Predator. Freddy vs Jason was a big deal that people talked about, I was in high school so right in the demographic and my friends were hella interested in this. I hadn't seen many of the films at this point in life. I had seen the first Nightmare film and likely several of the Friday films, but I was still in my film nerd phase where I thought I was better than that and I only watched "good" movies.

Freddy vs Jason has Freddy being near forgotten in the beginning, and using some last bit of power to raise Jason from the dead to go to Freddy's old neighborhood and kill people. Freddy thinks that if bodies start piling up by Freddy's old house that people will start talking about him regardless of who is actually killing. Jason soon enough kills a kid that Freddy is after, and Freddy is pissed off. Meanwhile some kids who know of Freddy escape from a asylum and start raising talk of Freddy, making him grow more powerful from the fear instilled.

It's a long paragraph and a lot of plot but basically it's "let's find a reason to have them fight". Directed by later Chucky director Ronny Yu, we have what amounts to two large fight scenes between the villians. First, Jason is asleep and faces Freddy in Freddy's nightmare land where Freddy has the advantage. Then, a girl pulls Freddy into the real world and Jason and Freddy fight at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason's advantage.

The side characters are all fine, the effects are great, the fights are fun and there's some good original ideas present. I will say, I thought it would have been better if they'd restated some of the basic rules of Freddy. I didn't remember what exactly happens he is brought to the real world for example.

Anyways, there's tons of nudity, there's excessive blood and guts, there's enough of a story for it to make sense, and the things all chug along just fine. I remember when I first saw it thinking they needed to fight more. This time, I thought the same thing. It's quite even, and I guess they didn't want to make there be too obvious of a winner. So I think that's why there's not more of the fight. Anyways I guess it's enough. I dunno. It doesn't mean this is a perfect film. And I think the lack of any true follow up or big cult following means the audience didn't quite get what they wanted. It's about a 3 star affair.

Under Milk Wood - 1972

Wow, I guessed 1980s! I should've known with Burton and Taylor, but I dunno...

Under Milk Wood is a radio drama translated to stage and now screen, starring lovers Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor.

As I watched this film I began to wonder, what in the fuck am I watching. To say that it is poetic is an understatement, to say it's expressive is minimalism, to say it is clear is an outright lie. This movie is bordering the later self-aware type overly expressive amateur type film that honestly I haven't seen in any era.

In the film, you might be treated to lingering shots of a man staring longingly at somebody or something with a voice-over describing anything from a cooking recipe to his innermost thoughts and dreams. Cut to a goat walking along the path and a woman narrating her lover's stamp collection. This type of inarticulate, unattached, and unconnected series of events is what Under Milk Wood is all about.

Given this, you get what you expect. Parts of it are great, parts of it are tedious and shrug-worthy. There is some deeply intense content, as well as fluff not even worthy of minute consideration. There is a erotiscism and sexuality, next to scenes of soup making and mudpies.

Milk Wood reminds me of Tarkovsky in the ponderous open nature of the film, and in that poetic freedom I really liked its approach. What I got from the film, I really don't know. At least it was short. It did border on annoying at times, but overall I think it's worth seeing. Great early experimentalism at least.

Alien Predator - 1986

Look at the title to this and tell me it's not dirt cheap. Can you? I don't think so. It was also known as The Falling and Mutant 2.

Alien Predator is a two bit ripoff of Alien made shortly after it came out. With a tenth of the budget and a tenth of the talent, some random people made a small scale alien-ish film.

What do you do to ripoff Alien? With no money? Well, set it on Earth instead of in space and have the people be the scary creatures, because you have no budget for an Alien costume.

Yes, in this the people are given the alien spores and it causes them to go crazy and become killers. That is the plot, and three friends are in a town full of gestating aliens.

Alien Predator is extremely amateur, the kind that is so bad it's great, the kind that is also so bad it's really bad. This movie is extremely shitty in all the good and bad ways, except it doesn't have any of the nudity or fun parts that are usually required. That said I really still enjoyed it and I think it would be great for bad movie night.

What it comes down to in the end is you'll know exactly what you're getting into from the first few minutes, and if you like the first few minutes or if you chuckle, you'll enjoy the movie.

The Devil's Nightmare - 1971

Other titles: 'The Devil's Longest Night', and in Italy as La terrificante notte del demonio (lit. 'The Terrifying Night of the Demon'). It was also known as The Devil Walks at Midnight.

As I said in The Devil's Possessed, is it scarier to say the Devil is having a possession or a nightmare or something else? Isn't it enough that it's just SATAN and that's supposed to be scary enough? Also, is there a movie called "The Satan's Satan" or "The Devil's Satan"? Double stumped the internet again fool.

The Devil's Nightmare is one of many interchangable, forgettable titles on this boxset. but, this movie is not. First of all, it's been a while but finally we get some nice nudity back and we get a nice long, hot lesbian scene. Honestly, I'm really surprised this set didn't have more of the sleazy 70s erotica going on, especially since these were all films from Europe.

In the beginning we have a few people coming to....can you guess... a huge creepy castle somewhere obviously. It's not a competition to stay the night this time, instead they're just staying over in the castle. Enter the creepy residents, including the lesbian seductress. What they're after? Um, shit I don't remember. Maybe I never knew? All I could tell ya was that the plot revolved around a Succubus, and she seduces people left and right in her evil ploy.

People end up dying and creepy shit happens, but this is first and foremost a softcore flick for me. I thoroughly enjoyed that part. But it was perhaps 15-20 minutes overly long and felt a bit clunky in some areas. I'll give it a 3.5.

Grave of the Vampire - 1973

In the beginning of Grave of the Vasmpire, a undead ghoul rises from the grave and creeps up on a couple who's making it at the graveyard. Why are teens always doin' it in places like this anyways?

I guessed 1972 which is also the year I most commonly guess for these 70s type fare, then I second guessed myself and put 1973, only for the film to have actually been from 1972. FUCK!

Anyways, the ghoul creeps up and kills the dude and rapes the woman. Promising beginning? We follow the woman as she keeps the baby despite a doctor saying she is impregnated with a demon, an undead thing. She gives birth to a unnaturally grey baby who wants to drink blood instead of milk. So, I'm enjoying the first 20 minutes of this in other words.

Grave of the Vampire then flashed forward about 20 something years and now the baby is a full grown adult, a long haired suave motherfucker who is in a class studying the occult. The teacher is a Cameron Mitchell looking motherfucker, and he is all into the undead and vampires etc. Our grown up evil baby is in the class and asks about the undead creature that raped his mom, and soon enough the teacher is exposed to be that very same creature, living covertly amongst the students....

This movie was something else. It was slightly unbalanced to be certain, with large chucks of the middle and the later half pondering around wondering what will happen next. But there's also kick ass moments in the beginning middle and end, and all in all I suppose it evens out.

I kinda wish the beginning and a few other things had been explained, but fuck it. This is a true 70s schlock fest you could drink or smoke to or just enjoy sober like me. I'll give it 4 stars.

The Vampires Night Orgy - 1974

Leon Klimovsky is not exactly a household name and yet browsing his IMDb he has directed a lot of horror, and has appeared several times on this blog. He also recently did Doctor Jekyll and the Werewolf and the Devil's Possessed. I mean at this point he could be called "friend of the blog".

Putting in links sucks now with the new blogger interface. That's all.

So shit, these movies seem to rank all over the place for me. This one will follow suit. Basically, you have a group of tourists coming to a small town and discovering that all the residents of this town are vampires. Great idea, sure. There is some atmosphere, and the ending was pretty cool as they are trying to escape the town. Unfortunately there is a lot of talking and nothingness in the padding of the film, the bloated middle section feels like it takes forever.

There is no orgy in the film in the sexual sense, but there is scant nudity and we get a bit of blood and guts. Whole lots of flashing fangs and other stuff happening. I dunno, I was a bit drunk and my ear infection made it so that I didn't hear what the people were saying a lot. I might rewatch this one. For now I'll give it three stars.

Point of Terror - 1971

I've watched very few of the Pure Terror films while drunk. I went for two months without drinking and I'm intermittenly doing it right now as well. Gotta be healthy, right? I also have an ear infection and I'm taking antibiotics, so it's best not to drink.

All that said, I was a bit loaded while I watched Point of Terror last night. This is a prime 70's movie, and I just don't get tired of seeing the bell bottoms, the huge collars, the elaborate costume designs. It's so great. Lets start off with the drunken thoughts I had during watching:

Is it weird that I watch a '70s movie and I think, they used to tuck in their shirts a different way?

This guy is shirtless a lot. You want to talk about gender equality in films? This guy is topless a lot more than any woman in this film.

Writer, producer, and main star Peter Carpenter was from Oakland, California. He had not been around long, and this is one of only 4 movies he acted in. He is a mystery actor, as IMDb lists his death in 1996 but other things point to the 70's as his time of demise. There's a whole blog entry about it here.

All this aside, he's not a great actor and this part is written as if it's trying to show how great he is. There is the above thought about how he's shirtless for most of the movie, and there's a few songs sung by him in the movie, and he beds a lot of women, constantly every girl is after him. It's all pretty stupid as you can imagine, and this movie in general is fucking dumb. I didn't like it.

Wikipedia tells me it is a "erotic drama" and I'm like, is it though? It's not dramatic and it's not especially erotic unless you're really into uncharismatic bland men. Who aren't great singers. Who aren't funny. Who aren't interesting. Who think they are all this and more.

Also, there is a supposed threat of murder at one point and a few people die sorta, but all in all it's one of the least staying true to the "Pure Horror" name of the set so far. A bullshit cop out ending didn't help either.

It's not like a zero star movie but I'm not giving it any higher than a 2.

Green Eyes - 1934

A body! Stabbed in the back! A house full of suspects! Oh golly!

That is the plot to Green Eyes, a title which I don't know why it is called that. Green Eyes is a murder mystery whodunnit with a house full of "entrigue" and "mystery" when really there isn't much to speak of. I might be too hard of this being that it is 1934, and one of the oldest films I've reviewed for a while. For sure the oldest movie on any of these DVD boxsets I've watched recently.

We follow Inspector Crofton as he suspects Jean, Bill, Steven, Cliff, whatever...whoever...there's a lot of people here to suspect. They all have holes in their story, they all have partial theories and partial explanations. They all have reasons or non-reasons to kill the dead man. A few more deaths happen, a supposed suicide, you get it. There's the other plot synopsis here: "a body turns up. you get it."

Green Eyes might be classic in the strickest sense, but that doesn't mean I liked it. I'll give it like 2 stars I guess.

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave - 1971

Wikipedia: "It was released theatrically in the United States on 26 July 1972 as The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave. When shown theatrically in the United States, it was distributed with such gimmicks as theaters serving 'bloodcorn', popcorn that had been dyed red. Several versions of the film circulated which were often edited and/or re-edited, such as the television version titled Evelyn Raises the Dead."
"AllMovie wrote 'The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave might make acceptable fodder for giallo fans but isn't as memorable as its reputation suggests.' In his essay Danse Macabre, author Stephen King described the film as an 'Italian turkey'"

The Night Evelyn... whatever, I'm not putting the whole title. Evelyn is a early 70's Italian schlock horror with all the ingredients one needs. Tons of nudity, to the point where it's basically a softcore flick, ghosts, paintings, weirdness, anf of course, slow as shit plot movement.

I put this one on, and wheeeeew it takes a while. I was a bit distracted for part, and I also had started it before apparently, because parts seemed quite familiar. In the beginning a mental patient escapes a ward, and then we cut to some house where a dude is torturing women in a BDSM dungeon. Fucking hot. Then, random shit happens and it's basically some Italian guy who is scared of his wife's ghost because he likely killed her. What this all has to do with the mental patient and the BDSM is beyond me, and anyways the movie keeps going on there's foxes and deaths and lots of tits, but despite all this it's all decidedly bland somehow.

That's the short of this movie. It has a lot, A LOT, which could make it interesting, but it somehow isn't. I was mildly entertained, but there's too much going on and I didn't understand, and additionally I didn't care to. 2.5 stars for the horror and the nudity when it's happening and you're into it briefly.