The Bell from Hell - 1973

Also known as "The Bell"

I put this on last night, it was on my list of movies to see.  "The List" ladies and gentlemen.  My note for it that I put on the list was "prime 70's fare".

Renaud Verley stars as John, a man who has recently been released from a mental asylum.  He is a charming, attractive young man who goes to live with his aunt and her three daughters, his cousins.  They are also the same ones who originally had him committed, and he is soon enough out for revenge.  Buuuut, given this is prime 70's it's filled with weirdness in between.

And the weirdness is where this movie really shines.  Early on, John is talking to one of his cousins and he is apologizing to her for something.  He says "Maybe I should suffer, maybe I should tear out my eyes."  He then proceeds to do so.  It was a hilarious, random scene, and he was just playing a joke on her, but it's things like this that make me love it.

The acting is great, the effects are really good.  There is a bit of nudity, but it's mostly presented in a minimal way and also with a degree of "saving it" for only certain places.  There's insanity and hijinks and really odd character choices, which makes the movie highly entertaining and makes it fly right by.  I was thoroughly entertained.

I don't remember how I discovered this movie or why I added it to the list, but this makes me glad I did and it develops a curiosity for the other movies on my list.  I really loved this movie, and I don't even know if I mentioned that it had comedy in it.  Funny comedy!  I give it a 4.

When the Bough Breaks - 1986

Ted Danson.  Star of things.  I only know Ted Danson from Curb Your Enthusiasm really.  And I like him, I think he's a good actor.  And I'm finally getting around to his movie, When the Bough Breaks, a movie I've now thought I saw already fucking twice.

What's with that, I ask?  Of all the random shit that could happen on this boxset, why did I think I saw this movie twice already?  Life's a real goddamn mystery, huh?

Ted Danson stars as.... some guy who's name I forget in this murder mystery thriller thing.  It took me a couple days to get through this one, although it was not boring (too much anyways).  I took a night off from TV and I think the other night I stayed in the main house.

Okay, back to it, Ted Danson stars in this probably made-for-tv or again, at least edited-for-tv movie.  There's clear commercial breaks dude, and tracking problems again.  I wish there were special features for this boxset, not about the movies, but info about the actual boxset itself?  Again, including where they got these from, and who made the choices about what went on and what didn't go on?

OKAY!  Ted Danson stars as a psychologist working with the police about a dead guy.  Innocent enough.  But then the dead guy eventually brings Ted around to a kid, a kid that is hooked into this weird group where things seem slightly off.  The group is led by a mega rich and powerful guy played by David Huddleston, and cops warn Danson about the power the Big Lebowski has if Danson goes poking around, disrupting shit.  But he's on the case and he'll solve this thing no matter what it takes....

Sure!  We can do one of these.  These movies are fine.  And it is.  WBB take the path where Danson is a likable guy, with a charming love interest, a nicely done dog-like scamp of a cop that Danson is teamed with, and villains that are adequate.  This is packed with adequate pacing, dialogue that drives the plot forward, and even some action sequences.  The end is satisfying, perhaps even better than average because of a nice addition to Danson's character, and since he's acting it, it is pulled off.

This is no movie to recommend strongly, but at this point, where this set is concerned, I'll take what I can get.  I'll give it a 3.5

Internet research tells me I accurately guessed the year, this was in fact made for TV, and the love interest of Danson's was the girl from Con Air!  I knew I recognized her.  Also, there was a blooper with a wheelchair guy standing up out of the chair, and they left it in the movie.  I remember seeing that part, it was funny, and I am glad they left it in.  Just a fun, odd moment.

Liar's Moon - 1982

I guessed much later on in the 80's...  Also, fuck dude, I completely forgot I watched this movie.  As in, the only reason I remembered was I looked at the DVD earlier today.

Matt Dillon stars in Liar's Moon, also starring Cindy Fisher.  I didn't really know what to expect early on, seemed like a coming of age story.  And it is, at the heart it's the story of a teenage romance between Matt Dillon and Cindy Fisher.  Her father would rather she be with someone richer, but she loves Dillon, and complications arise.  Down the road even further complications are coming...

The movie is, in a word, average.  The teenage lovers are played to the height of their intelligence by Fisher and Dillon, and shit's all what youd expect for quite a long time.  Dillon and Fisher's friends agree to help it "seem" like Fisher is still dating her dad's boyfriend pick, resulting in a somewhat funny drinking scene at a high school dance.

And... spoiler warning...

The twist is pretty fucking crazy.  It sneaks up and comes out of nowhere, and the twist being that Matt Dillon and Cindy Fisher are secretly brother and sister.  They only find out when Cindy becomes pregnant and, in tears, Cindy's mom tells her that she lied to her husband, he is not Matt Dillon's father. 
I just have to figure this out.. Matt Dillon's mom fucked Cindy's dad. Then Cindy's parents came to terms with it but Matt Dillon's mom simply never told the dad...? I think?

Then, further spoilers as Cindy and Matt decide to have the baby anyways???!

Spoilers over, but what a fucking ending.  Sufficient to say, I did not see it coming.  Given that, it stands out quite a bit and I wonder what the message was supposed to be...?  It's not like that is enough to make it a great movie or anything though.  I still only give it 2.5

Fatal Needles, Fatal Fists - 1978

Kung fu break.  I added Fatal Needles Fatal Fists (also known as Fatal Needles versus Fatal Fists) because I wanted to throw a curve ball into this blog.  I also guessed the year and was right.

Meng Hu is a tough cop who accidentally kills someone with his kung fu early in this movie.  He swears off kung fu and becomes a drunk, wasting away his talent and letting everyone degrade him.  But trouble keeps on following him, and soon enough people are terrorizing a girl in front of him and drug pushers are trying to get past him.  Eventually he's pushed past his breaking point.

And it delivers.  It delivers in both the kung fu way and the movie way.  Fatal Needles was both easy to follow and linear as well as being highly entertaining in the action sequences.  The main character Meng is played by Don Wong, who is not a martial artist I know.  The main evil dude is super cool and dangerous, but not overly gimmicky like some movies in the kung fu genre tend to have.

I don't often get in the mood to watch these movies, but when I do I prefer my kung fu movie to be like this.  Still, times it felt a bit sluggish and slow, but overall it was very enjoyable.

The Lady and the Highwayman - 1989

Oh joy, another movie from the director of A Hazard of Hearts.  This guy, John Hough, directed a horror movie I've wanted to see also, American Gothic.  Also, John Hough appeared earlier in this blog, unbeknownst to me, with the movie The Incubus!

Well that's all well and good, but what does it tell ya about The Lady and the Highwayman?  Well, I can tell you that this is based on writing by Barbara Cartland, the same author as A Hazard of Hearts, and that this feels almost exactly the same.

The Lady and the Highwayman is, from IMDb "Swashbuckling tale of romance, betrayal, jealousy, banditry, murder, and court intrigue set in the 1660s, during the Restoration to the English throne of King Charles II."  I guess.  It basically felt like a Robin Hood-esque fantasy of good versus evil.  Hugh Grant plays Lord Lucius and looks exactly the same.  Michael York and Oliver Reed are wasted in dumb roles where they wear big wigs.

I am in the house right now, so I get wifi, and I thought this was possibly the most interesting thing about the movie.  To quote from wikipedia:
"Caryn James from The New York Times gave the film a negative review, stating that the film "offers just a few meager possibilities for unintentional campy comedy". Author and film critic Leonard Maltin awarded the film a BOMB, his lowest rating, writing, Populated exclusively by obnoxious characters; even Steiger can't help this one." VideoHound's Golden Movie Retriever, awarded the film their lowest rating, calling it "A stultifying career low for all involved."

The movie is bad.  Honestly, it's just boring, and that comes from me when I wasn't paying attention at all.  Get drunk and tolerate it.  Or just don't watch it.

Cavegirl - 1985

Well, I couldn't find it.  I couldn't find what I know Daniel Roebuck from.  It is likely Star Trek The Next Generation, but I kind of doubt it.  Point is, he was recognizable.

I put on Cave Girl and I had the volume kinda low, but I was still entertained.  Cave Girl starts with nerdy, chunky, but lovable dolt Rex as a obviously-in-his-20s dude playing a high school student.  Rex suffers mishap after mishap, including going into the girls locker room and getting chased by about 10 topless women.  This was about 15 minutes in and I got my hopes up for constant nudity and sex.

Then the plot turns to the actual story as Rex gets sent back in time by a crystal and he arrives in caveman days.  It's supposed to be funny, and it's not, but it is okay I guess as Rex goes about his antics with cavemen.  He eventually meets cavegirl Eba, and she's cute and friendly.

What follows is a movie which is barely an hour and 15 minutes, and there is nary a complication to the idea.  There is one tiny moment where Rex and Eba are separated, but generally it's about Rex trying to fuck Eba, but he doesn't want to be crass about the whole thing.  There is a fat cavewoman who gets made fun of, and the cavemen are given some Three Stooges type of physical "comedy"...  but generally, nothing happens.

Despite all of this, it entertains somewhat, and it reminds me of an era where movies were both appealing to kids and adults.  The movie is certainly made for the 12-17 year olds, yet is R rated in modern times.  I'd totally take a 14 year old to this.  It's innocent as fuck.

Choices - 1981

Knockin' em down, these 80s movies.  Next we have a football drama.  Or at least what starts as one.

Demi Moore had her first film role in this coming-of-age story about a young football player John Carluccio.  John is a young, talented high school kid who is on the football team, on the music group, and involved in a lot of school shit.  He begins to lose his focus however, when he gets cut from the football team due to his partial deafness.

What we have then is a film of relative convenience.  He quickly gets in with the wrong group, they accept him right in when he shows up wearing denim and takes a drag off a cigarette.  He tries cocaine and pot.  He's one day in the football team and the next a total deadbeat beatnik.

He continues to play violin and write music, because it seems only his football outlook is affected.  He also continues to love Demi Moore and she continues to date him, never saying word one about his character changes and his rampant drug abuse.  It doesn't matter, he kicks all of those without ever talking about it or having it be a scene in this movie.  John just decides he's fine and then his football friends accepts him back no worries, no harm, no foul.

This movie was emotionally affecting and well acted in parts, but incredibly bad.  The plot holes, as I've mentioned, were huge.  Really?  You're not going to have Demi Moore go with him for a joyride, almost get busted by the cops, go through hell, and not even mention it to John the next day?  She's just like, yeah bruh, I'm in for whatever.

Choices is a film that needed a bit longer, and it felt edited down.  It actually felt made for tv too, and I wonder if I saw a version which was played on TV.  I haven't mentioned that several of these prints on the 80s set were obviously taken from VHS, and I wonder if this was taken directly from a fucking TV recording.

Spoiler alert:  The movie has all these plots that appear and are dropped.  And the major story line is the whole drama around the football team and John being cut from it.  In the end, he's let back on the team without anything being mentioned, in a spur of the moment decision.  It's as if to say, "ah, fuck the plot.  Whatever.  Who cares."

A Hazard of Hearts - 1987

I thought this was called When the Bough Breaks, but that's another movie on the boxset.

Helena Bonham Carter is from England?  How is it that I didn't know that?  I watched the beginning of this movie thinking, she does a good British accent for an American.

Long before she was saddled up with Tim Burton and his sorry excuses for recent films, Helena played Serena in this made for tv movie, the first made for tv I've seen on the set.  No, the other one I guessed was made for tv was not.

What is this...  this is a lot like the one on the 70s boxset aka "the set we don't talk about anymore".  Brief research tells me I'm thinking of the movie Jane Eyre.  This felt similar to that because they're both these old-timey love stories set in the good ol' days of yore when gentlemen wore cravats and other strange adornments, and women of high society talked about sex in strange, coded messages.  It's all very Jane Austen again, and it's not my bag man.

But...  I watched it.  Helena plays Serena, a young girl whose father loses her in a dice game to a rich old scumbag.  Then the scumbag loses her to this hot young thing Lord Byron.  Lord Byron doesn't know who she is, but now officially owns the poor girl, and they meet.  What they don't expect is a mutual attraction to form.  Also, Lord Byron's mother is caught up in illegal stuff, and also that scumbag dude is still after Serena.

Blah, I dunno.  It is what it is.  I can't complain that much.  If this type of thing is your bag, you might dig it.  I'll just give it a 2.

High Risk - 1981

I forgot the name to this movie about 13 times before I finally remembered.  High Risk.  Not a terrible title, but surely not one that stands out either.  A lot like the movie really.

High Risk stars James Brolin, who looks a lot like his son Josh.  James Brolin is part of a group of four guys who rob a drug kingpin in the beginning.  It seems their great master plan to rob the guy consists of "let's just stroll in, grab the money, and stroll right out".  I wonder why such a well constructed plan goes wrong?

And the Plan does go wrong.  This movie has the heist happen in the first 20 minutes or so, and they duct tape the drug kingpin to the chair.  Before they tape his mouth shut the guy says, "You won't make it five miles".  And he's right.  The rest of the movie is about these robbers trying to escape the place where the guy is, and along the way the adventures they encounter.

Again, a lot like the title, it's very average.  There was no real reason for it to be made, and I wonder why it was rated R.  Nothing objectionable happened in my memory, and there was certainly no nudity.  In fact, I struggle to remember if there was even swearing.  Probably.  A few f-bombs I guess.

I put on High Risk because I wanted a bland action filler movie, and it delivered that 100%.  There are guns, put your mind at ease.  I give it 2 stars, because even for a bland movie, it was a bit TOO forgettable.

The Kidnapping of the President - 1980

What a career the always lampooned William Shatner had.  People give this guy such a hard time, and honestly I don't think he's that bad an actor.  He's a bit overacting sometimes, and he certainly looks weird in his mid-older age.  He doesn't look legit at all.

William Shatner stars in this likely made-for-tv thriller.  Hm.  Let's see.  I'm guessing that now.  Remember, I got no internet out here and zero research has been done.  I'm writing this blind.  I'm guessing made for TV much like I'm guessing the year.

Shatner is Conner, a secret service agent and good guy in this political intrigue flick.  The president is your average good guy too, and he gives Conner a hard time in the beginning, and soon enough he's off on a tour throughout Canada, sitting in his convertible and waving to the people.  But in the crowd is a bald dude and woman with other plans.

A guy who looks like Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (when Depp played Hunter S. Thompson) clamps handcuffs onto the president and shows that he's covered in dynamite, and thus, soon enough the president has been kidnapped!  We get to see the complicated plan the bad guy has, and the thus more complicated plan the good guys have to concoct to beat it.

And ya know what, color me jaded, but it ain't bad.  The movie ran for two hours, and I wasn't bored.  The characters are decently written and there's a lot of good turns.  Despite being not super tense, there is still an atmosphere and I got caught up in the storyline.  I was genuinely interested to see it play out.

I'd guess this movie was again made by someone good, and experienced.  This was obviously somewhat budgeted, and I'd seen the president actor in other things as well.  It was a vehicle for Shatner, but he's not dwelled on too much, other people are given a chance at the reigns of this movie.  I dunno, did I like this that much?  I guess.  3.5 stars.

Agency - 1980

Agency, for some reason I thought this starred Robert Vaughn.  It didn't. Instead it was Lee Majors and Robert Mitchum.

Agency is the kind of movie that would be on this boxset.  A political intrigue thriller with little politics, intrigue, and very little thrill.  They all exist to be sure and I'm not taking a shit on this movie.  I'm just saying....  its on the boxset, I can't be wrong.

Agency does star Lee Majors as a deep-V plunge-neck wearing, in-over-his-head ad agency writer...or director...or a guy who works there, I guess.  This movie is therefore sort of about Don Draper, a reference I make even though I only watched part of season 1 of Mad Men and then I gave up on that bullshit.

Don Draper uncovers some sort of secret project with the help of his Jewish buddy played by Saul Rubinek.  Saul Rubinek plays himself, a quirky, bizarre Jew dude who helps to uncover the project going on which apparently Draper knows nothing about despite being high up in the company.  Soon enough, Rubinek is dead, and now Draper has to uncover the mystery alone...

Agency was pretty good, actually, and it keeps you interested.  It made me really curious though, because I feel like the evidence against the Agency was very slight.  The evidence of anything bad, I mean.  And has there ever been a movie where the main character suspects foul play or a conspiracy, and then there's NOT one?  The Game, sort of, jumps to mind.  But I mean much more traditional formulaic like this movie.

Not one to watch twice, but it's not as bad as you might guess.   3 stars.