Producer 1: What is big in the US?
Producer 2: The Exorcist is huge!
1: Great let's copy it.
2: For sure. Let's make a cheap Italian version.
1: Right. Except, we have to sex it up. Add lots of nudity and tittilate the audience.
2: I'm definitely into that.
1: So we begin with a woman having sex with a statue!
2: Eh... come again?
1: Exactly! Sexy psuedo rape scene in the first 20 minutes to really hook the audience.
2: But with a statue?
1: Then that launches a series of weird cut aways to random flashbacks and other scenes that will never connect to anything!
2: But why do that?
1: They'll be atmospheric and cool so it doesn't matter.
2: Well, ok sure. But what about the statue, does that come back?
1: It was a statue of Jesus. Except it was Satan. And then Satan gives the woman stigmata!
2: So Satan took the form of a Jesus statue and then gave stigmata to further confuse exactly what side he is on?
1: I dunno. I guess. Either way, there won't be any more nudity at this point either.
2: What? The audience liked the nudity!
1: Yeah but instead we have to slow the film down and tease the exorcism scene.
2: Tease it?
1: Yeah. Priest arrives and sees the girl but doesn't do the exorcism.
2: Why not?
1: We never explain.
2: Umm, ok...
1: But then he comes back and does it and the movie ends. You in?
2: ....Fuck it. Pour me another scotch.
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