Chinese Hercules - 1973

 Well, I guessed later in the 70s.

So I think this is likely on the list because I was always into Bolo Yeung, and I cannot remember how I heard of this, but likely I thought this was a Bolo star vehicle.  It's not.  he's not in it very much.  I probably thought it was a gimmick-laden Bolo martial arts film, and its more of just "average martial arts" film.

To be honest, this one is a snooze.  I was checking this like every 2 minutes to see how much was left because it just refused to budge.  I might try again, but I doubt it at this point in my review life. 

Its one of those plentiful plots where the guy who promised never to fight again has to come back because of the bad guy gang, and Bolo is one of em, typecast as usual.  Its fine, whatever, but I was not feelin it.

Ironmaster - 1983

 I think it was in a post of mine I reread recently where I said I missed these sorta cash-ins that used to happen.  Mad Max would come out and we'd get cheap Italian rip-offs.  And then in this case, Quest for Fire would come out and we'd get a few Italian rip offs.  Such as Ironmaster.

It's like the Italian Star Wars stuff, and this is again like that because you watch this and you wonder "did they even watch the original movie?"  

First and foremost we have plentiful dialogue, in English (well, Italian, then dubbed) and it's not even written as unsophisticated.  These guys have full control of language as a concept and discuss ideas and options constantly.  They even have voting or systems in process to work through issues, as happens in this film.

The tribe has to come to terms with one of the members that's a little uncontrollable.  Italian legend George Eastman is Vood, and he kills two of the elders and goes into exile for that.  Soon enough he comes up on some lava eruption and finds metal basically.  Whatever it is, later named iron, has been forged into a club shape and could be used as a weapon.  He figures this out and with weapon in hand returns to his tribe to show his newfound usefulness as a member.  But there is another tribe out for him and soon conflict arises.

This movie starts strong but really lags as it goes on.  There just was a lack of anything really good, I dunno.  The music is decent but holy man, like WE GET IT.  About 20 minutes or so too long I'd say.  Other than that, it's kinda just "fine" so 2 stars.

Quest for Fire - 1981

 A while ago I watched Jean Jacques Annaud's film The Bear, and I ended up really liking it.  That leads me to what I thought was a rewatch but didn't feel that familiar, Quest for Fire.

This felt similar to The Bear, for certain.  Filmed with the same minimalistic approach, we open with a group of maybe 20 or so Neanderthals.  This film has no recognizable dialogue and no subtitles for the grunts and noises that are present, and yet we follow a very clear plot of them losing their fire source, selecting a few of them to go search for new fire, and the ensuing quest.

Ron Perlman and Everett McGill are in early roles in this, and they're excellent actors.  The other guys are great in this too, in such amazingly thankless roles.  Expressed all through body language, looks, feels, and that ambiguous energy that actors can convey, its a regular adventure film shot in incredible locations.  They encounter an opposing tribe with a female who takes a liking to them, they confront woolly mammoths and sabretooth tigers, and learn along the way.

This is so much more of the vibe than a hard plot, but that's not to say the plot is vague.  It's just incredibly simple.  And it relies on artistry to carry the movie, which can be bad depending on the talent behind it, but fuck yo, when it works it works.  This works, and its a beautiful and somber toned movie that has that ethereal "otherness" I search for, and often find in minimalism.

This movie kicks ass, and gets ya thinking.  For that, 5 stars.

Robot Wars - 1993

 So we return again to Charles Band and Full Moon Productions.  Yeah.  And part of me wanted to do a 5 word review.  "You know what this is" and then just a big 2 stars.

This type of thing was on my radar when I was a little bit more into hokey "so bad it's good" type bullshit.  There's a chance this being on my list dates back to more than 15, possibly even closer to 20 years, because this would've been in my SyFy channel, Pabst swilling phase.  You can tell I matured because now I swill IPAs instead.

These movies are about as fun as their effects and how much they're featured, as a lot of these don't have a lot else going for them.  In this movie, it's claymation robots, and the ensuing battles they have.  The robots do look good, but there's definitely not enough of them, and the fighting scenes are shot in a way to hide the action and conveniently cut to the human actors rather than have anything look actually cool.  Can't have that!

The plot is cookie cutter and revolves around a Megarobot pilot teaming up with an archaeologist and stopping a bad guy from having his own robot, and that's really about it.  They do the classic antagonism between the good guy and the female when you know in the end they'll be doing butt stuff and facials.  It's what you expect. Because...

You know what this is.

The Enchanted - 1984

 Ya put on 1984's The Enchanted and it immediately seems a little otherworldly.  This is the unquantifiable aspect that some things have, and something that I may try to identify just a little bit.

In this film it is medium easy to identify which is why I will try here.  Number one, I truly do think its hard to identify without the right soundtrack, or minimally soundtrack aspects.  Wandering, wondering, electronic, strange soundtracks speak volumes.  Think of Blade Runner.  Free jazz, strange synths, offbeat beatless undefined meanderings.  Alien, in other words.  Makes your imagination spark and your place of safety removed.  "This sounds strange and unsettling.  If this is true what else is true."

Next I have to call out cinematography.  Strange, detached, and seemingly with its own agenda, the cinematography is always important in any movie.  A visual media, we cannot pretend as though it not always one of the most important, but specifically in ethereal film...  Long, detached takes.  Occasional flourishes, maybe, but extremely grounded and yet just a little off.  Perhaps best exemplified in this film by it's fascination with nature.  If there's a bird or something nearby, the camera seems magnetized to them.  We follow animals and nature almost as much as the actors in the film.  "Odd, unnatural, off-kilter.  If this is true what else is true."

Dialogue and actors are certainly important, just again like in all films.  It's very important that they present a grounded, real human in contrast to the bizarre circumstances around them.  They need to have their own individual flourishes as well though.  Perhaps a meditative, calm quality that seems deep and unexplored, imploring you to look deeper and ask questions.  Perhaps they are poetic and expressive, individualistic and profound.  But likely they're both, in a bizarre balance that immediately hooks you.  "This character is so interesting, like they know something I don't.  If this is true what else is true."

There's more, but lets just cut the chase here and say The Enchanted is a great example of all of these.  This is not a fantastic movie or anything, but its a great example because the only things to say about this are the weird qualities.  Plots are of course important and they need to be excessively vague and/or backseated.  This has that in spades as we wander around with Booker as he explores his strange area with unexplained, separate storylines.  And the rest is the flourish and otherworldly qualities that keep you locked in.

There's not a lot more to say other than this is that, and I've seen better and I've seen worse.  But these are vibe movies and if you are into them, there's almost nothing better than these?  You need to be patient, you need to pay attention, you need to be in on it.  I usually dig these, and indeed I liked this quite a bit.  Completely unknown and underseen, it also defines the sort of thing I look for.  I give it 3.5 stars for its specific realm and execution, and I'll say check it out.

From Hell it Came - 1957

 Absolutely always something I have been interested in, the offbeat monster movies.  The weird ones, if you will.  A genuine 50s monster movie, but where the monster in question is trees?  I'm in.

From Hell it Came is one I remember along with like Night of the Lepus and Day of the Triffids.  Those offbeat things always catch my eye, and this is also a long stretch since I last reviewed a movie like this.  

We start with a scrawl that explains there are these communities with horrifying folklore.  Haiti has zombies, this island we're at here has the story of bodies put into trees and inhabiting them, sometimes forcing their will into the trees....  And yeah, that's it ya know  Throw in a couple doctors, the gender swap roles of female Terry who doesn't want to get married and male William who does.  Can you imagine the comedy of that?!  Its 1957, get into the spirit of the thing!

Barely over an hour, these movies are another favorite "type" for me.  They're quick, low rent, A to B, generic, and fun.  They always have the blandest, most direct and unstylized dialogue, they revolve around like 10 minutes of monster and 60 minutes of "everything else".  

These things are almost solely as good as the monster, and this one's a keeper.

Exactly like when I carried my wife over the threshold...

This is a good one, one to dial up if you like this sorta thing.  I will give it a 3.5.

Zontar: The Thing from Venus - 1967

 Larry Buchanan. My first true hated film in the blog, It’s Alive, which I believe had a 15 minute flashback sequence? We return, finally to Larry Buchanan. He was certainly the reason it was on my list  

Buchanan is one of the many zero budget, DIY dudes who just had this completely inept, zero budget filmmaking style that was keen for the MST type stuff, though he was never on MST. They couldn’t get to everything I guess. 

Zontar has a scientist intercept a radio signal that only he can understand. He starts to translate it to others, speaking of an alien called Zontar which will soon be coming to earth and will bring a new way of life to the people. Naturally the others are worried and skeptical, but things are looking more and more like it could be true. 

Could be known as talking: the movie, which was true of Its Alive. Also maybe “Straight Down the Barrel” because that’s how a lot of this cinematography is. Dead on people looking at us and quickly saying their lines with zero emotion in one take. Yeeeepp. 

I dunno man I kinda have a soft spot for it now. Reminds me of like the Ray Dennis Steckler nada bullshit “movies” that I’ve seen, and honestly the dialogue sucks but it’s minimal in scope and that’s something. Then we see the monster and it’s cool, theres absolutely not enough of it but…eh… it’s okay?! 

Look. You either like it or not it’s still not good. By 1967 we were much beyond this 40s feeling monster fare. But I like it. So I’ll give it like 1.5 stars

The Crawlers - 1991

 Also known as Creepers, Troll 3 and Contamination .7

Trying to align itself with both Troll and Contamination?  Quite a gamble here.  Also quite a difference between those two as potential series connections. 

I suppose the connection to at least Troll 2 is that there are sequences here where plants attack people, and that did happen a lot in that movie.  So there's like some random plants, mostly roots really, attacking people, and that's likely due to radioactive toxic waste.  Isn't it always?

There's not a ton to say here.  It's probably more fun for a group watch, and has some potential for "so bad it's good" type bong-rippin' fun, but it's also pretty slow and there's not the insanity of a Troll 2 here by any means.  The effects are good but you won't get a lot of them, and instead its a lot of dialogue and boring nothing happening while you wait.

This is by no means zero entertainment, I likely had it on here cause it's loose connection to Contamination and Troll as a series I'm guessing?  And sadly that is likely what draws about 90% of the people who watch it cuz there ain't no other reason...so for that 2 stars.

Bloody New Year - 1987

Sigh.  I just work better in the movie realm when I have an "assignment" these days.  With that in mind, I recall my old (really, really old) list of movies I wanted to see.  This date back to pre-blog, like probably started this in 2013 or so.  So therefore, this is like, the oldest desires I've had to watch.  I think I have seen a few of these like Rottweiler and Pin, but some of these I guess I'll rewatch?  Anywho here's the list:

Razorback 1984

Bloody New Year 1987

Wizard of Gore 1970

Xtro 1-3

Rottweiler 2004

Nightmare in Blood 1977  

Zontar the thing from Venus

Robot Wars (1993)

Chinese Hercules  1973 – Bolo Yeung, looks great

Deadly Snake Versus Kung Fu Killers (1977)

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

The Hideous Sun Demon – classic b&w sci fi

From Hell It Came (1957) tree trunk monsters

Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979)

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1990) – when Troma was still decent

Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970) – another ok looking vamp film

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)  - backwoods Chainsaw

Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster (1965) – classic b&w scifi

Nudist Colony of the Dead (1991)

Thunder of Gigantic Serpent (1988) – Canadian giant monster movie!

The Meateater (1979)

Play Dead (1985)    killer animals

Alien 2: On Earth (1980)

Pin (1988)

Torso 1973

The Washing Machine (1993) sex thriller which may also have an evil washing machine

Remote Control (1988)   Blue Sunshine director

The Dragon Lives Again 1977          

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_3  the creepers / the crawlers 1993  -  Contamination .7

Frankenhooker (1990)    trashy comedy horror

Rawhead Rex (1986)

Night Train to Terror (1985)             retro lookin thriller

Blind Dead Series: Return of the Evil Dead, Ghost Galleon

Phantasm series

Don’t Look in the Attic

Again, I paste this in to have an easier time later as I work through this.  I also think a little retrospective on "why was this on my list" is something I'll include for each one.

Bloody New Year is a bizarre movie with some ambition and some know how, but a odd execution.  It is made by Norman J. Warren, a director I liked with Terror, Prey, Satan's Slave and I think I have seen Inseminoid but I guess I didn't review it.  This is him doing a haunted house / creepy location movie, a trope which I'm usually kinda mixed on.

Likely on the list because of the proximity to a slasher, I doubt I added this because of director Warren.  This is decidedly not a real slasher, though it has some elements, and it has other unexplained random phenomena happening in it, which gives the effects a good mention here.  They're good, and they're often.  It's one of those where the ghosts can make like anything happen, such as making snow fly inside or having an animal carving attack someone.  Those types of crazy shenanigans in movies are always way fun.

90 minutes of a fun whatever throw away British thriller will work, ya know!  I give it a solid 3.  Its nothing special but its above some of them.

Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh - 1995

 I am following up on watching the third Candyman film which I reviewed a little minute ago here.

Candyman as a trilogy is, I think, ultimately forgotten.  The first one didn't need sequels, and the two they delivered, like hey.  They tried, and what else do you expect them to do?  They don't sour the original and they don't elevate the original, they just exist.  

Farewell to the Flesh is one of those horror and sequel things we've seen where it's same thing, different...place?  As we move to New Orleans and a teacher there is teaching about folklore, they raise Candyman again and he is off to kill some more people.  New lore introduced is a mirror that could be a reason to Candyman's existence, and a possible way to defeat him.

Veronica Cartwright is in here as a mom, and overall this is like...fine.  It got middling reviews and certainly it doesn't elevate the story, but it is more of the wash rinse repeat approach.  Which you know, will push some people away but will also be fine, especially for die hard horror fans.  It has some cool moments and decent effects, and it plays well for a late night "whatever" flick.

Adam and Eve - 1983

 Where does one start with this particular pic?

Man. I thought I’d seen it all. This is, as stated before recently even, why I do this. I seek things out to discover an Italian schlocky adventure film about Adam and Eve from the 80s with nudity and talking snakes and fucking and lunacy. 

Adam is created and makes Eve from sand. They live in innocence until Eve discovers the apple tree with a tempting snake. Once she and Adam eat the apple, they promptly fuck, which puts them in clothes and forces them out of Eden. They wander until they reach a tribe of savages who confront them. 

With an 80s soundtrack and all “giving a shit” thrown to the wind, this is a regular romp. Movies this fun are few and far between. It’s purely insane in a so bad it’s good way while being keyword entertaining. Not that much truly happens, but the plot is linear, which really helps it. 

Hard to describe, it’s just so much a product of its time and it’s so genuine. I texted my buddy last night about The Evil Dead and how the remakes are so obviously not having fun.  You can feel the energy behind the camera in Evil Dead which vanishes when you get to the 2013 one.  This movie, you can feel the energy in this as well.  And it's infectious.

One of the more memorable movies I've seen recently, I loved this.  It has Mark Gregory from The Bronx Warriors and Thunder Warrior in it, and he's a compelling presence on screen.  Made it significantly more fun, I'll say that much.  I give this 4.5 stars.

The Last Island - 1990

 1990??!!  I was going to guess like 1981!  My god.

I put on a movie that said desert island and end of the world, and I'm like, hey cool.  I liked The Quiet Earth.  I liked Miracle Mile.  I liked Cast Away.  What I don't like though....endless dialogue.

I mean, dear lord is this boring.  There's a decent looking aftermath of a plane crash, and that might be the only good thing about it as people stand around and I guess "drama" happens?  Yo, this is is a boring as fuck film that I genuinely turned off, but will review anyways,

Attack Force Z - 1982

 Also known as Z Men.  No, I'm not still in New Zealand.

But, I did put on this Australian war drama with Mel Gibson and Sam Neill basically because it had the two of them in it, and also because one sentence synopsis always sound pretty decent at minimum.  Australians in China fighting Japanese?  Good cast?  I'm in!

The thing this doesn't tell you is that its a long feeling talky drama about more hide and go seek warfare than action.  Mel Gibson leads a group who find a small village and descend upon a house where Chien Hua lives with a bunch of neighborhood kids and they hang out there waiting for the Japanese.  The Japanese have been in control around these parts and have been oppressive so the village is willing to help them, and a romance even blooms between Chien and one of the soldiers. 

Almost more interesting than this review was the thought I had in my head as I watched...  Is this my least reviewed genre?  I mean, within a certain scope right, like I probably haven't done much musicals or comedies, but like I don't stick to a format and war films probably fit right in with my format.  Yet I've done very little of them.  And I actually really like war movies, I used to watch The Thin Red Line and stuff like all the fucking time.  

This really hits a big road block as the men hang out with the kids and the relationships build.  Maybe, maybe if you're in the right mood, but still....its done better elsewhere.  I want to give it basically credit for the cast and some mild tension moments, so it can have like a 1.5

Blood Run - 1994

 Mid 90s serial killer looking thing? I’ll take it. 

I start Blood Run and in the first 10 minutes theres a nude chick using a shower head to maybe masturbate, followed by a lesbian scene. Yes, this is made for tv softcore feeling trash cinema. At its purest. 

I watched this in part with my gf, who’d never seen anything like this before. She was genuinely shocked, which I loved. And for “what this is”, this movie is great. With a variety of faces you’ll know from one thing, like the druggie mom from The Crow, the chick from Hellraiser, the dude from Cyborg Cop, theres even another chick from Children of the Corn 4!

The cast is an immediate elevation, and then the nudity. Unfortunately it’s a talky cop centered drama about a serial killer and not a slasher. He is on some case, meets The Crow’s mom, she goes topless(?!) and theres some killings or something I guess thrown in there. 

They just absolutely do not make this kind of thing anymore. Super low brow and cheap, softcore, late night, half drunk, half chub, dumb dad entertainment. This is the kinda crap I remember my dad watching, this and the stupidest comedies you’d ever think of. 

I kinda loved it, but it’s boring as sin still, and theres better versions of this. But I’m giving it at least a 2 for what it gets right. 

Godmonster of Indian Flats - 1973

 Mildly clunky name...  am I still doing that?  3/10

Godmonster of Indian Flats I'd oddly heard of before, and not seen.  Perhaps on the C or D tier of known horror movies involving giant monsters or some list similar to that is this bizarre, low budget sheep monster movie.  Is it weird that this is not the first sheep attack movie I've reviewed?  Yes that's right, and I have to imagine Psycho Sheep of Butte was at least mildly inspired by this.

There's a new black Sheriff in a small cowboy town, and that creates a bit of problems as there is also a big, decent looking sheep monster that is going around causing trouble.  This goes on in this kinda plotless, whatever movie.

Quite slow, quite long feeling, this is fine borderline bad or good at parts, depending on your mood.  Amateur as fuck, where theres a shot in the movie that’s got a hose shooting up water into the frame if the shot… like come on guys. That’s so obvious, so distracting. But when the giant mutated sheep is preying on kids… best shit ever. 

On a low energy Monday this is a fine time waster to zone out to and tune in for the cool parts. 1.5 stars

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb - 1964

 Perhaps one of the more famous clunky titles of all time?  Is this the best known?  I give it a 10/10 on the clunk-ometer.

This movie has always been a bit of an anomaly.  As I grown in age and movie versed-ness, I have a grown profound depth of appreciation for Kubrick's Barry Lyndon, Eyes Wide Shut and Killer's Kiss.  Naturally, love for him began where it likely always does with 2001, Clockwork Orange, The Shining and Full Metal Jacket - sort of the "big four" of the Kubrick movies.  I've seen Paths of Glory and Spartacus each about 3 times, and The Killer I really love as well.  I used to own Strangelove, and I took it as like...B+ tier Kubrick.  I found it very funny and the production of course is incredible.  We'll see with this rewatch.  So in a way, it leaves Lolita in a bizarre section for me of underseen.  Appreciated, but relatively unknown. 

This movie was my introduction to Peter Sellers and is perhaps an infamous dark comedy.  Just out of curiosity it made me wonder, what are the first examples of satire and dark comedy in film in general?  And honestly I feel like the genre was left alone after the early satire of silent comedies like Modern Times and The Dictator.  It made me remember that I thought recently with the film One Battle After Another...  give me more satire.  It can be so transcendent, so biting, so smart, so funny.  It can really be the best.

As a plot recap, a General exceeds his authority and issues a strike command on Russia.  This command will code all further communications to need a three letter decrypter.  We follow a specific plane on its route to Russia, we follow the General and his assistant in a dialogue where we expose the decision to exceed authority, and lastly we go to the President in his war room with his officials as they work through the problems and the precarious situation.

Starkly dark, I forgot about the depth of the insanity of General Ripper played by Sterling Hayden.  I forgot about how funny the President and his conversation - one sided - with the Russian president is.  And the comedy acting from George C. Scott is tone perfect.  As I watched it, I began to think that this is maybe the best performances in any Kubrick film, which is really saying something.  

Also, did I forget this or did it fly over my head...  Ripper clearly says his reasons for doing this, for endangering the world and for throwing everything to chaos.  He describes fatigue during intercourse, in a devoid of emotion way where we can see that here is a man that evaluated himself in such little insignificant ways that when he sensed his partner was unsatisfied he decided to nuke the world.  Normal aging and normal libido issues of a pathetic male will destroy the world, and that moment is so dark along with his subsequent suicide is such a crazy dark moment in this film that I forgot about.

So on rewatch it's like, is this only because it's a comedy that this is not lumped in with the other big ones, like 2001?  I mean, this is absolutely A+ tier.  This is one of the best satires, one of the best comedies, its shot incredibly, and its astonishingly well production-designed.  They infamously got in trouble for being TOO accurate, which is hilarious.  Maybe it is just going to show that comedy is always looked down on, in some ways.  But this is for sure a five star film,

The Spirit of the Beehive - 1973

 I saw this on a list of underrated 70s art films, so last night I threw it on with no info on it.

The Spirit of the Beehive begins with sort of vague meandering slice of life style flavors in the middle of nowhere, Spain.  Young Ana and her sister are running around having a carefree life while other things are happening in this broken, isolated town in which they live.  It shows something that when the movie Frankenstein comes to town, virtually everyone shows up, and watch the movie.  Ana seems specifically affected by the scene where Frankenstein kills a young girl in the original 30's film, and we go from there.

 There's multiple ways of looking at movies, and this is very much the type of movie that points out that one must look in multiple ways.  There is "what is the movie about" and then there is "what happens in the movie".  What happens in this movie is that Ana is told Frankenstein is real, that he lives in an abandoned stone hut nearby, and that Ana goes there looking for him.  She secludes herself more and more, eventually meeting some sort of criminal in the hut and befriending him.  She self isolates more and runs away, and is found and has some sort of newfound distance from her family and social situation.

That is only part of the story, because "what this is about", well that's the real story.  And honestly, I don't know, which is why its effecting, underrated, and has stood the test of time.  Our minds and how they work, how we are different from our siblings and parents and societies for no explicable reason.  Childhood, fantasy, obsession, and choice.  Chance, luck, circumstance.  Emotions, otherness, maturity, helplessness, fear and anxiety...  Its just a thoroughly emotional movie without barely a single sign of outward emotion.

Nearly censored but deemed to be too boring and let slip through the cracks, the movie is also about Spain as a crucial moment politically, and since I know very little about that situation it goes over my head.  But there is true pain here, raw and unfocused, fearful and hopeful, pure and fractured.  Its certainly a vibe film, one you don't go to for a three act structure.

One of the more affecting but vague things I've seen, I'd joyfully mention this in the same conversation with Tarkovsky and some of Kurosawa.  Its a masterpiece.  5 stars.

Faust - 1926

 So I finished some bullshit on youtube recently and in its bizarre algorithm it suggested Faust to me.  Okay, why not?

Faust is a great example of German expressionism, and a true silent cinema classic.  It is about an hour 45 minutes of incredible black and white, silent cinematography complete with title cards and a piano soundtrack.  It is the classic story of Faust, the old man who is in a awful, poor and destitute city where he has been fairly useless to stop this as an alchemist.  He burns his books and at the last minute sees a page telling him that if he were to summon the dark forces, the dark forces could help in his quest.

This is so visionary and so awesome.  I mean, the beginning alone is 20ish minutes is some of the most incredible cinematography of all time, with many moments of me sitting here wondering "did it ever really get better than this?  In all of cinema?"  The middle part slows, and under a modern lens it drags a little bit, but there is still so much very cool effects and cinema and LIGHTING!  The lighting in this, my god, have we as movie watchers completely gotten away from lighting as an effect?!

It made me think of a realization, albeit basic, that I had recently.  I was bemoaning the loss of cinema and how people just watch shit on TikTok or whatever now, and at that time I realized: movies and stuff are only about 100 years old. This movie especially points that out, and it points out how much the art form has already changed in that time.  From black and white, jerky hand-cranked cameras, silent, title cards, rear and front projection etc, to 1930s "Technicolor", to 70s "Sensaround", to 3D, to now 4DX and all the many things in between that I haven't mentioned.  This art form has been altered and redefined and reworked so many times, and in such a short time frame, who am I to push back against it moving online and embracing a more homemade, shorter length trend?  There is barely a "norm" in cinema to even talk about when one says "cinema is not like this, it's like _______"

Like I said, this movie has a lengthy middle segment.  Basically Faust gives up on saving the world pretty quick in, and decides to just become a youth again.  Once he is transformed, he falls in love with a woman he sees and resets his focus on her.  That cues like an hour of more situational comedy, where Mephisto is screwing over Faust and his love while Faust is twisting Mephisto to his will.  It drags a little bit here, because it just feels unconnected to anything before or after, but it's fine.

I don't know if cinema truly did get better than this.  Its unlikely.  The look of this reminds one that cinema is truly a visionary artform, which we sometimes forget about when the newest thing is action, adventure, sci fi, animation, etc. It would be interesting if like in painting or poetry or some other artforms that exist, if the "old style" or "original" version of this still existed, in any real way.  If there were new black and white, title card, silent, hand-cranked films.  Maybe there are?  I wonder what they're like.

This is a vision, a masterpiece, an incredible object.  I dunno how many people are dialing it up 100 years later, but if you do, you're in for a treat.

Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident - 1979

 Also known as The Tehran Incident.

Well which incident was it?  Make up your mind already.  I am still having a hard time finding these things with clunky named and I might give up, but not before I review this Peter Graves movie with like, eh a mild 3/10 on the clunk-ometer.

Peter Graves is sent to Tehran because some madman there has a missile.  That's where we begin, and it's pretty simple as he gets linked up against the bad guy from 007's The Spy Who Loved Me.  John Carradine is in there, and its about as complicated as the alternate name here, The Tehran Incident.  In other words, straight forward you get it level.

Felt like a made for TV movie, and virtually nothing to say about it.  If you like background level sorta "stuff to put on" you might do this one on a blah Monday.  2 stars.

I think I have a few more in me here, but I'm going to drop in some random movies I've done that are on the Clunky Names meter, and a /10 rating of their clunky ass unwieldy name:

Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later 6/10

Quantum of Solace 5/10

I'll Kill You...I'll Bury You...I'll Spit on Your Grave Too! 10/10

The Serpent and the Rainbow 4/10

π - 10/10

Second Sight: A Love Story 3/10

F. Scott Fitzgerald and 'The Last of the Belles' 4/10

Click:  The Calendar Girl Killer 3/10

Prototype X29A 4/10

Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds 8/10

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter 8/10

Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake 3/10

Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator 5/10

The Brain from Planet Arous 2/10

Samoa, Queen of the Jungle - 1968

 I'm not having an easy time finding free movies with clunky names here, to tell the truth.  A lot of them are maybe too obscure to find online for free, definitely are not on the streamers.

No, The Case is Happily Resolved I cannot find.  Sssssss, the snake movie I oddly enough remember from my childhood is not on YouTube, how can these be that hard to find?

This title is mainly clunky because they thought they were being real sly by dropping in a, authentic aboriginal word from a culture, the island of Samoa.  They named their jungle queen after the Oceania island and presumably felt real proud, giving themselves a pat on the back.   1/10 on the clunk-ometer.

Beefy alpha male Clint is the leader of a group of disparate folks wandering through Borneo.  They see some stock footage of alligators and snakes, they encounter a cheetah or something, and then they find diamonds.  Samoa has the hots for Clint and want his jizz on her face while in the meantime a warring tribe is out to threaten Samoa and the guys.

This is barely over an hour and it doesn't hurt too bad.  The stock footage is always fun, and the rest of it really feels more like a 50's movie with hammy stage acting and barely-there plot and complication.  This is 1968?!  It feels like something from the 40s with how small scale and basic it is.  For that I'll dock it a star, and just land on a 1.5

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? - 1964

 Dear god with this title huh?!  I give it a 10/10 on the Clunk-ometer.

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (Mixed Up from now on) was introduced to me on MST3K, and for my review I chose to rewatch the MST episode.

Alternately known as The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies and as The Incredibly Strange Creatures.  This is returning to Ray Dennis Steckler, who directed The Hollywood Strangler, and I did not remember I coined a term in that review called Sub-Z: extremely low budget, below Z grade movies made with no apparent cinematic language.

A few things have always stood out to me in this movie; number one non ironically I think Steckler in this movie under the name Cash Flagg is a fuckin proto fashion icon.  It's 1964 and everyone else looks like it, while he rocks a black hoodie and black jeans and a short nondescript haircut, and seriously, he looks specifically modern!  This look did not age at all.

Secondly, this movie is so dizzying and so all over the place that it has a bizarre appeal to it that I actually really like.  Some of these that one sees multiple times sort of grow on you, and with MST3K I've rewatched a movie like Manos or Red Zone Cuba or whatever so many times that I start liking the actual movie therein, and this is one of them.  Yeah, its a TON of filler of bad dancing and singing, and yeah, its relatively plotless, but somehow, it just works for me?  Can't say why.

The two segments of the story here take almost an hour to join.  A gypsy woman who can enchant others to do her bidding has people that she takes over kill people, or commit other evil acts.  Meanwhile, Cash Flagg and friends mill around and do nothing until they wander to her circus and get taken over.  Also meanwhile, endless performing arts including comedy, songs, and light T and A stripteases.

This is a weird, weird watch that one really has to be in the mood for.  I like it for what it is, and I might be the only one.  It cannot get a good rating, but I like it.  I'll give it a 3.5

Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key - 1972

 Woof.  Mouthful.  Clunk-Ometer 9/10.  Not only is it a mouthful, it has completely nothing to do with the plot of the movie as far as I can tell?

The film has been released under several alternative titles, including Gently Before She Dies, Eye of the Black Cat, and Excite Me.

Eye of the Black Cat, because as unconnected as it is, there are allusions in this movie to an evil black cat, which although it has nothing to do with anything, I guess is there?  Excite Me is a decent title.

A reclusive writer and his wife have their maid killed by someone and immediately hide her body because of fear of the police.  Then, the writers niece Floriana arrives and senses something off.  Perhaps for legitimate reasons or perhaps to find out what's going on, Floriana seduces the writers wife and then gets involved with a local racer.  Its a ton of characters I didn't even mention and a lot of dialogue in this convoluted movie with an equally or perhaps more convoluted name.

I've seen this title kick around on various lists, of Italian thrillers of this time, cult movies, etc.  The main actress Edwige Fenech was a sex symbol of her time and has a rockin bod, and was in the somewhat less clunky named The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh.

Confusing plot, lots of stuff going on, some good sex scenes and some decent deaths.  Its a good one, but definitely a vibe movie.  I'll give it 3 stars.

What Have They Done to Your Daughters? - 1974

 

More accurately translated title:  The Police Ask for Help

Clunky man.  The pluralization of daughters, the length of the title obviously.  Why not call it The Police Ask for Help?  

This movie is about a prostitution ring that has a string of deaths happen, and the ambiguous guy on a motorcycle who may be doing it.  It s a police procedural sort of as well, and  is part of the poliziottesco thing which I have touched on here, namely I believe in the Swinging Seventies set.

Its a fine enough story and there's some deaths and some nudity, its mainly a lot of dialogue, and you know, its all whatever I guess.  I don't know what to say about it really.  The poster is better than the movie, I love the extreme cop guy screaming in the background, this looks like a badass surreal exploitation movie, which this is decidedly not.  I'll give it like a two I guess.

For the name, it can get a 2/10 on the Clunk-Ometer

The Slasher ... Is the Sex Maniac! - 1972

 Also known as Penetration and So Sweet, So Dead

"So what motive is there for these crimes?" "I don't know.  Perhaps it could be traced to a homosexual." Reasonable, if you ask me.

I'm tracking down and watching what I'm going to call "clunky named Grindhouse flicks".  The Killer Must Kill Again (or as I saw it, The Dark is Death's Friend) counts.  These should have incredibly convoluted, bizarre and otherwise awful names that you have to think about when you say them.  Sure, its a granted that a lot of these are a case of translations.  But, you know, not all of them.  This is a relatively short list that is hard to search for, so we'll see how it goes.

I like the title of this a lot.  I like how its like, a revelatory statement.  "Oh my god, Fred!  I've got it!  The slasher... is the sex maniac!"  You know, if you have a sex maniac on the loose and a slasher on the loose, its a good bet they're the same.  I mean, maybe this was not known in 1972, but I feel like the logic makes sense.

A decidedly not sex maniac is on the loose, killing women who are cheating on their husbands.  The killer is clad in black with a fedora and a women's stocking pulled over his face to make his face obscured.  Its an awesome look, like a mix between Freddy Kruger and I Know What You Did Last Summer (somewhat clunky name there, actually).  The lead cop begins to track him down, it goes from there.

A proto slasher this definitely is.  Killing women with plenty of nudity, a masked killer, a body count, moral related deaths.  Its more of a slasher than a Giallo, as this is much more of a police story than the norm of that genre.  

This is a good, fun, fast paced entry with plenty of kills and nudity to keep you interested.  It isn't that clunky of a title, I'll give it like a 4/10 on the "Clunk-ometer".

The Dark is Death's Friend - 1975

 Also known as The Killer Must Kill Again.

Not to bring up Video Nasty again, but this is crazier than the friggin' Mansion of the Doomed.  This had as much blood as that and this has a rape scene, so you know, why was this not a Nasty?

I want to try to find a picture of the excessive 70s house that's in this movie.  With a yellow living room that had weird see through plastic columns and designs everywhere, this was something else.  It made me realize that a lot of the Nasties did not feel specifically 70s... or early 80s?  Maybe it was the ridiculous stuff going on in those movies, or maybe just incidental.  Something to think about.

This movie has a killer on the loose get tapped by a man to get rid of the man's wife.  The serial killer tracks her down, rapes and kills her.  He puts the body in his trunk, and soon enough his car gets stolen!  Now the killer is after the people who stole his car, while in the meantime, the police are getting involved in the murder of the wife.

This movie was more of a thriller than a traditional Giallo.  It has no fetishization feel nor wonky electronic score, and instead almost feels like a character study.  In that, it is fun and it moves okay, there is actually not a lot to say about it beyond that early 70s house.  Unfortunately that doesn't retain throughout the movie, otherwise I'd give it an entire star higher.  As is it can have a 2.5

Clunky name, huh?  I give it a 2/10 on the Clunk-ometer

Mansion of the Doomed - 1976

 Also known as The Terror of Dr. Chaney; also known as Massacre Mansion, Eyes, Eyes of Dr. Chaney and House of Blood.  From Wikipedia:  While not prosecuted for obscenity, the film was seized and confiscated in the U.K. under Section 3 of the Obscene Publications Act 1959 during the video nasty panic.

I did not do this on purpose.  What I did was try to find a random movie from 1976 to watch, as I scrolled back through this blog and stumbled upon my goal to watch 76 movies from 1976.  I forgot about it, and no, that is not my next goal.  But crazy huh?  That I accidentally watched another Nasty?

Mansion of the Doomed stars Gypsy's love Richard Baseheart.  Richard is a doctor who has a daughter who has lost her eyes and is now sad and defeated.  He does what any good dad would do, he begins to rip out other peoples eyes to try to restore hers, except it keeps not working.  But he doesn't give up that easy!

They came after this movie?  Yo, this would basically be PG-13 now.  It has some eye gouging and it has some makeup effects to depict people with ripped out eyes.  That's it.  Its very tame.

Long, talky, with okay effects, and nothing else worth noting.  You might forget what happened in the first 20 minutes when you're only at minute 25.  Welcome to the Machine by Pink Floyd was in this??  I must've missed it.  For mostly that fact I guess I'll give this 2 stars.

Video Nasty - 1984

 Also known as the Video Recordings Act of 1984.  See what I did there?  Because they all have alternate names...  get it?

The act passed and these did get seized, that's the whole thing.  And Wikipedia doesn't say about to what degree this happened, or about protest or about the other data points.  But we do know that this was a real thing that happened, and basically hasn't happened since, beyond I guess you cannot watch porn on your phone in certain states now?  Is that the modern equivalent of this?

The complete list of those that faced actual, real prosecution, censorship, and seizure.  With links:

1. Absurd 
2. Anthropophagous: The Beast 
3. Axe 
4. A Bay of Blood
5. The Beast in Heat 
6. Blood Feast 
7. Blood Rites 
8. Bloody Moon 
9. The Burning 
10. Cannibal Apocalypse 
11. Cannibal Ferox
12. Cannibal Holocaust 
13. The Cannibal Man 
14. Devil Hunter
15. Don't Go in the Woods 
16. The Driller Killer 
17. Evilspeak 
18. Exposé
19. Faces of Death 
20. Fight for Your Life 
21. Flesh for Frankenstein 
22. Forest of Fear 
23. Gestapo's Last Orgy
24. The House by the Cemetery 
25. The House on the Edge of the Park 
26. I Spit on Your Grave
27. Island of Death
28. The Last House on the Left 
29. Love Camp 7 
30. Madhouse
31. Mardi Gras Massacre 
32. Nightmares in a Damaged Brain
33. Night of the Bloody Apes
34. Night of the Demon 
35. Snuff 
36. SS Experiment Camp
37. Tenebrae
38. The Werewolf and the Yeti
39. Zombie Flesh Eaters

Like I said at the beginning, I did not rewatch anything.  Can't be bothered, bruh.  If I was going to rewatch anything, it would either be Night of the Demon or Island of Death.  Those two are high in my top 5 most enjoyable Nasties, which I'll put here in no particular order:

Blood Rites

Island of Death

Night of the Demon

The Burning

Flesh for Frankenstein

Top 5 most disturbing:

Faces of Death

The Gestapo's Last Orgy

The House on the Edge of the Park

The Beast in Heat

Fight For Your Life

A strange moment in time, a legendary thing among Grindhouse cult enthusiasts, I'm glad I did this and I'm glad it's over.  Some more movies were in 2 additional lists, with various levels of associated punishment or seizure if you owned them.  From Wikipedia:

Dropped 33
The Beyond (original title: E Tu Vivrai Nel Terrore ‒ L'Aldilà, also known as Seven Doors of Death) — Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with approximately 2 minutes cut in 1987. Re-released uncut in 2001.
The Bogey Man (also known as The Boogeyman) ‒ Originally passed uncut for cinema. Released with 44 seconds cut in 1992. Re-released uncut in 2000.
Cannibal Terror (original title: Terreur Cannibale) ‒ Released uncut in 2003.
Contamination ‒ Released uncut in 2004 with a 15 rating.
Dead & Buried ‒ Originally passed uncut for cinema. Released with 30 seconds cut in 1990. Re-released uncut in 1999.
Death Trap (also known as Eaten Alive and Starlight Slaughter) ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 25 seconds cut in 1992. Re-released uncut in 2000.
Deep River Savages (original title: Il paese del sesso selvaggio, also known as Man From Deep River) ‒ Originally refused a cinema certificate in 1975. Eventually released with 3 minutes 45 seconds of animal cruelty cuts in 2003, and re-released with 3 minutes of similar cuts in 2016.
Delirium (also known as Psycho Puppet) ‒ Released with 16 seconds cut in 1987. Released uncut in February 2022.
Don't Go in the House ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 3 minutes and 7 seconds cut in 1987. Re-released uncut in December 2011.
Don't Go Near the Park ‒ Released uncut in 2006.
Don't Look in the Basement (also known as The Forgotten) ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released uncut in 2005 with a 15 rating.
The Evil Dead ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with approximately 2 minutes cut in 1990. Re-released uncut in 2001.
Frozen Scream ‒ No UK re-release.
The Funhouse ‒ Originally passed uncut for cinema. Released uncut in 1987. Re-classified 15 in 2007.
Human Experiments ‒ Originally passed uncut for cinema. No UK re-release.
I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses (also known as Drop Dead Dearest) ‒ Released with 1 minute 6 seconds cut in 1986.
Inferno ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 20 seconds cut in 1993. Re-released uncut in September 2010.
Killer Nun (original title: Suor Omicidi) ‒ Released with 13 seconds cut in 1993. Re-released uncut in 2006.
Late Night Trains (original title: L'ultimo treno della notte, also known as Night Train Murders) ‒ Originally refused a cinema certificate in 1976. Released uncut in 2008.
The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue (original title: Non si deve profanare il sonno dei morti, also known as Let Sleeping Corpses Lie and Don't Open the Window) ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 1 minute 53 seconds cut in 1985. Re-released uncut in 2002.
Nightmare Maker (also known as Night Warning and Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker) ‒ Refused a video certificate in 1987 under the title The Evil Protege. Released uncut in 2024.
Possession ‒ Originally passed uncut for cinema. Released uncut in 1999.
Pranks (also known as The Dorm That Dripped Blood and Death Dorm) ‒ Released with 10 seconds cut in 1992.
Prisoner of the Cannibal God (original title: La montagna del dio cannibale, also known as Mountain of the Cannibal God and Slave of the Cannibal God) ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 2 minutes 6 seconds of animal cruelty cuts in 2001, and re-released with 2 minutes of similar cuts in 2018.
Revenge of the Bogey Man (original title: Boogeyman II) ‒ Released in re-edited form with additional footage in 2003.
The Slayer ‒ Released with 14 seconds cut in 1992. Re-released uncut in 2001.
Terror Eyes (also known as Night School) ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 1 minute 16 seconds cut in 1987. Re-released uncut as Night School in 2025.[21]
The Toolbox Murders ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 1 minute 46 seconds cut in 2000. Re-released uncut in 2017.
Unhinged ‒ Originally passed uncut for cinema. Released uncut in 2004.
Visiting Hours ‒ Originally passed with cuts for cinema. Released with approximately 1 minute cut in 1986. Passed uncut in 2017.
The Witch Who Came From the Sea ‒ Released uncut in 2006.
Women Behind Bars [fr] (original title: Des diamants pour l'enfer by Jess Franco) ‒ Passed uncut in 2017.
Zombie Creeping Flesh (also known as Hell of the Living Dead, Night of the Zombies and Virus) ‒ Originally passed uncut for cinema in an edited version. Full version released uncut in 2002.

"Section 3" 82

A supplementary list was issued along with the official list, which featured a list of so-called "Section 3 Video Nasties". Titles on the Section 3 list could not be prosecuted for obscenity but were liable to seizure and confiscation under a "less obscene" charge. Tapes seized under Section 3 could be destroyed after distributors or merchants forfeited them.

Abducted (a.k.a. Schoolgirls in Chains) – No UK re-release.
The Aftermath (a.k.a. Zombie Aftermath) – Passed without cuts in 1988 on the Goldcrest video label.
The Black Room – Originally passed uncut for cinema. No UK re-release.
Blood Lust (a.k.a. Mosquito the Rapist) – Passed with heavy cuts for cinema. No UK re-release.
Blood Song – Re-released as Dream Slayer.
Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll – No UK re-release.
Brutes and Savages – No UK re-release.
Cannibal (a.k.a. Ultimo Mondo Cannibale and Last Cannibal World) – Originally passed with heavy cuts for cinema. Released with 2m 46s of cuts in 2003.
Cannibal World (a.k.a. Mondo Cannibale and The Cannibals) – No UK re-release.
The Chant of Jimmie Blacksmith – Passed uncut for cinema in 1978. Released without cuts in 1987.
The Child – Passed uncut for cinema. Released uncut in 2006.
Christmas Evil (a.k.a. You Better Watch Out) – Released uncut in 2012 with a 15 rating.
Communion (a.k.a. Alice Sweet Alice) – Passed uncut for cinema. Passed with 8s of cuts in 1998. Released uncut in 2014.
Dawn of the Dead – Originally passed with heavy cuts for cinema. Passed with cuts for video in 1989 and 1997. Released uncut in 2003.
Dawn of the Mummy – Passed with 27s of cuts for cinema. Passed with 1m 43s of cuts for the video in 1987. Released uncut in 2003.
Dead Kids (a.k.a. Strange Behavior) – Passed with 27s of cuts in 1993 and 2008.
Death Weekend (a.k.a. The House by the Lake) – Passed with cuts for cinema. No UK re-release.
Deep Red (a.k.a. Profondo Rosso) – Passed with 11s of cuts in 1993. The extended version was passed uncut in 2010.
Demented – Released with 1m 19s of cuts in 1987.
The Demons (a.k.a. Les Démons) – A composite version was passed uncut in 2008, and the original version was passed uncut in 2017.
Don't Answer the Phone – Passed with cuts for cinema. An edited version was released without further cuts in 2005.
Eaten Alive! – Passed with heavy cuts for cinema. Passed with heavy cuts for animal cruelty in 1987 and 1992.
Enter the Devil (a.k.a. Disciples Of Death) – No UK re-release.
The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein – Released uncut in the U.K. on 22nd Jan, 2018, with an "18" certificate. [1]
The Evil – No UK re-release.
The Executioner (a.k.a. Massacre Mafia Style) – No UK re-release.
Final Exam – Released uncut in 1986.
Foxy Brown – Passed in edited form for cinema. Passed with 2m 48s of cuts in 1987. Released with previous cuts waived in 1998.
Friday the 13th – The R-rated version was released without cuts in 1987. The full unrated version (previously released for cinema) was released uncut in 2003.
Friday the 13th Part 2 – The R-rated version was passed uncut in 1987. Downgraded to an uncut 15 certificate in 2008.
GBH (a.k.a. Grievous Bodily Harm) – No UK re-release.
Graduation Day – Passed uncut in 1986. Downgraded to an uncut 15 certificate in 2003.
Happy Birthday to Me – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1986. Downgraded to an uncut 15 certificate in 2004.
The Headless Eyes – No UK re-release.
Hell Prison (a.k.a. Escape from Hell) – No UK re-release.
The Hills Have Eyes – Passed with cuts for cinema. Passed with 2s of cuts for video in 1987. Released uncut in 2003.
Home Sweet Home – Released uncut in 2004.
Honeymoon Horror – No UK re-release.
Inseminoid – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1987. Downgraded to a 15 certificate in 2005.
Invasion of the Blood Farmers – No UK re-release.
The Killing Hour (a.k.a. The Clairvoyant) – Originally passed uncut for cinema. Passed with 1m 19s of cuts in 1986.
The Last Horror Film (a.k.a. Fanatic) – Passed with cuts for cinema. An edited version was released in 2003.
The Last Hunter – Passed uncut for cinema. Passed with 8s of cuts in 1988. Released uncut in 2002.
The Love Butcher – No UK re-release.
Mad Foxes – No UK re-release.
Mark of the Devil – Passed with heavy cuts for cinema. Passed with cuts in 1998 and 2003. Released uncut in 2013.
Martin – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1994.
Massacre Mansion (a.k.a. Mansion of the Doomed) – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1992. Downgraded to an uncut 15 certificate in 2000.
Mausoleum – Released uncut in 1987.
Midnight – Passed uncut for cinema. An edited version was released in 1993. Full version passed uncut in 2011.
Naked Fist (a.k.a. Firecracker) – Passed with 3m 53s of cuts for cinema. No UK re-release.
The Nesting – Passed uncut in 1986.
The New Adventures of Snow White (a.k.a. Grimm Fairy Tales for Adults) – No UK re-release.
Nightbeast – Passed uncut in 1996.
Night of the Living Dead – Passed with cuts for cinema. Released uncut in 1987. Downgraded to a 15 certificate in 2007. Now in the public domain.
Nightmare City (a.k.a. City of the Walking Dead) – Passed with 3m 5s of cuts in 1986. Released uncut in 2003.
Oasis of the Zombies – Passed uncut in 2004 with a 15 certificate.
Parasite – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1993.
Phantasm – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1989. Downgraded to a 15 certificate in 2005.
Pigs (a.k.a. Daddy's Deadly Darling) – Released by 88 Films in 2016. Unknown if cut.
Prey – Passed with 11s of cuts for cinema and video. A print shortened for dialogue was passed uncut in 2004.
Prom Night – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1987.
Rabid – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1992.
Rosemary's Killer (a.k.a. The Prowler) – Passed with cuts for cinema. Released uncut in 2007.
Savage Terror (a.k.a. Primitives) – No UK re-release.
Scanners – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1987.
Scream for Vengeance! – No UK re-release.
Shogun Assassin – Passed with cuts for cinema. Released uncut in 1999.
Street Killers (a.k.a. Beast with a Gun) – No UK re-release.
Suicide Cult (a.k.a. The Astrologer) – No UK re-release.
Superstition (a.k.a. The Witch) – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1986.
Suspiria – Passed with cuts for cinema. Released uncut in 1998.
Terror – Passed with cuts for cinema. Released uncut in 1997.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre — Refused a cinema certificate in 1975. Passed uncut in 1999.
The Thing – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1987.
Tomb of the Living Dead (a.k.a. Mad Doctor of Blood Island) – Passed with cuts for cinema. Released with 42s of animal cruelty cuts in 2003.
The Toy Box – No UK re-release.
Werewolf Woman – Passed with cuts for cinema. Scheduled for a re-release on Blu-Ray in February 2026.
Wrong Way – No UK re-release.
Xtro – Passed uncut for cinema. Also passed uncut for video in 1987. Downgraded to an uncut 15 certificate in 2007.
Zombie Holocaust – Passed uncut in 2000.
Zombie Lake – Passed uncut in 2004.

Huge man.  Just enormous.  What a bizarre situation.