Batman and Robin - 1997

 On rewatch, Batman from 1989 is great and somehow still underrated, Batman Returns from 1992 is fun and crazy maybe a bit overly long, Batman Forever from 1995 is worse than you remember and similar to Batman and Robin in 1997.  And Batman and Robin is...  yeah, awful.

I'm watching these cause I am showing my girlfriend the films of Christopher Nolan, and it is intersting to view Batman Begins through the lens of "this is in reaction to where Batman had gone" as well as its cool to watch Forever and Robin cause its like "this is why the franchise sat there in squalor for almost 10 years after very quick sequels."

Batman and Robin brings in George Clooney to star as Batman, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, and Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl.  The movie is gracefully 30 minutes less that Batman Forever, but it really camps it up, it does add nipples to the Bat-Suits, and it lets everyone chew the scenery as much as they should desire, which lets be honest here, lots of them wanted to.

I always wonder when these came out how many people were comparing it to the 60s TV show.  At this point off the air for almost 30 years, is it safe to say that it wasn't in the public consciousness, especially considering the movies had always at least a little bit been aimed at children?  That said I don't give this movie as much of a hard time as others, leaning into the kids stuff seems obvious at this point, being a good ten years before Iron Man and the MCU.  We forget just how sneered upon these ideas and genres were at this point.

My point is not, though, that this is good, it is that this is understandable, but do I like it. no.  It is too much and it's too bad to be so bad its good.  I'll give it a 1.5.

America 3000 - 1986

 Also known as Thunder Warriors.

Actual dialogue from America 3000: Vena: "That effin Plugot tricked me..."  Lakella: "Plugotz got neggy smarts for tricking nobody Vena."  Ooof.  Yes, in the year 3000 we're gonna have stupid lingo that overruns our language and we're going to sound like preschoolers.

We are in the future in this one again, which means the apocalypse has happened and thus the remaining humans are greasy oily guys wearing animal furs and firing crossbows, but it also means there's remnants of the advanced society that led to the end of everything.  We have a sprawling story set in the Israel desert where 80s women with majorly blown out hair hang out and say dumb dialogue like that above to each other all day long.

Then we have our main character, who is really a side character but provides us with obviosuly tacked on narration they added when told, "this story is so hard to track, you gotta clarify what the heck is happening here."  

This does join the long list of post Mad Max rip offs that jumped on the post-apocalype bandwagon, and you know its kinda a bummer tha Max Max Fury Road didn't reignite the genre, or even make too much of an impact seemingly...  I dunno, I miss genre films.  Genre films, regular movies that were cheap and actually got released, they were't premiering on Netflix to no fanfare.

Plotwise we have a society where women rule and men are used for breeding or castrated at worst.  The lead male wants to rebel and our main character and others follow, and it helps a lot when they find an ancient technology stash where they can get access to better shit.  From there, they fight and dialogue happens and if you don't think a large part of the plot revolves around a boombox and a desert yeti, you are dead wrong.

Pictured:  the actual scientifically verifiable year of 3000.

3000 is a good movie, its kinda dumb and low budget but I liked it and I'll give it 3 stars.

Beeper - 2002

 I was thinking of a funny trilogy or even more you could throw together with this movie.  "Movies based on passing technologies".  Obviously Feardotcom, Phone Booth, Trapped by Television, and then Beeper.  What would the sequel be?  Dial Up Internet:  The Movie?

I believe I saw a trailer for Beeper on a VHS circa 2001-2002.  Even then, Beepers were a thing of the past.  My mom had a beeper when I was in elementary school, so we're talking about the 90s there.  I understand that the tech is still around, and is sorta a joke cause its primarily used in drug trades, but hey that does not mean I can't make fun of it.

Beeper is a low budget thriller thing, decidedly low scale, in which a doctor visiting India with his son has his kid go missing when he's doing a conference and finds a ransom note.  This leads him to the cops who almost blow the deal and now its up to the doc solo to investigate this thing, with the help of a girl cop he finds and then later Harvey Keitel as a mob boss who is mostly out for himself.

Beeper, well, I wanted the beeper to be involved more first of all.  In my head this was a hilarious romp in which he's getting beeped a lot and having to call people to get directions on where to go next.  Whatever the story was I needed that tech front and center.  And it wasn't really, it gets stolen pretty early on and a lot of the movie is actually trying to track down the beeper.

Its not as funny as it could have been, and instead it waffles around as a middle of the road thriller that you'll instantly forget.  2 stars.

Thunder - 1983

 Also known as Thunder Warrior, Drug Traffickers, and The Fury of the Warrior.  Well, I was off in guessing filming locations.  I guessed New Mexico and it was in fact Arizona.  

There's a throwaway line in First Blood which I just rewatched where they are describing Rambo for some reason and they mention he is part Native American.  This is part of the whole them of the movie really, who else would have this intrinsic instilled knowledge of the land, of the rights and wrongs, of the truth behind society and why evil exists and...  Yeah, its cause there was an unspoken truth at this point in time, Native meant mystic and we could write off bad writing with just that.

Thunder is an Italian production shot in Arizona with a few local stars like Bo Svenson, the plot concerns a near total rip off of Frist Blood as a partially Native American is dissed and beaten by the occupants of a local town, including the police therein, and then he basically goes postal to use the oft used phrase.  A quarter or less of the dialogue from the film First Blood is employed, as we watch our main character fight the law, will the law win?

This movie is pretty boring, despite my seeming enthusiasm for it.  It too often goes to overlong scenes of dubbed actors saying stupid dialogue.  Our main character is gone for massive lengths of time with little to no explanation.  There's very little progression of the story despite the seeming addition of tension with the idea of now he had a gun or now he has a car or now he has a tractor or whatever it is.  

Thunder has the guy from the MST3K classic Escape the Bronx, and it is a fine movie to watch, its also gracefully under 90 minutes, but it is still too long and not very good.  1.5 stars.

Rubin & Ed - 1989

 My aunt Lucy recently recommended this to me, then the next time I saw her she had written the director of this on Facebook or something, and had obtained a signed DVD copy which I am now watching.  Weird huh?

Crispin Glover stars in this little known indie buddy comedy flick.  Made on a small budget and definitely leaning into the "weird" side of things, the movie is a road trip/buddy comedy/who knows unclassifiable niche experimental one off.  Sounds like just the sort of thing Glover would be in, right?

The strangest thing about this is the tone.  Neither character is likable, and the fights between the characters feel actually real, not in an entirely good way.  That said, the comedy also feels real and the jokes are actually funny.  The movie is a weird one, thats the bottom line, and I'm not surprised someone in my family would own a signed copy, thats for real.

Plotwise, weird loner Rubin is told by his mom he has to make a friend or he won't get his boombox back.  Realty schlup Ed is a misfit who wants to redefine his life with success after his wife left him.  They team up after Ed finds Rubin's cat dead and Rubin swipes his vehicle to go bury the cat in the desert.  Wacky shenanigans ensue from there, and some of the stuff is insane and some of it straight forward.  

Overall the script is better than it sounds and it moves quickly.  I thought this would be a super low budget mess but it's actually cohesive and I liked it more than I thought.  I'd give it a solid 3.5, and I'll tell my aunt I enjoyed it.