Monday, December 14, 2015

Bombshell - 1997

You know when I decided I might hate Bombshell?  40 or so seconds in when the director credit came up:.  "A Paul Wynne Mix"  A Paul Wynne "MIX"??!!  Are you fucking kidding me?  A "mix"?!  A mix.  Oh god.  I hate the fucking Robert Rodriguez calling his shit "flicks" I hate it when they do that goddamn "I'm so fancy I'm not going to call it a film or a movie or say directed by....I'm going to make up my own term."  I'm sorry but it's not a mix or a flick or a joint or a project or whatever you wanna call it.  You're not special, sit the fuck down.

There was no way I was going to miss any nudity in this movie.  But fuck me, they shot it in a way where you never see anything.  COME ON GUYS!  Give us something, don't just make us sit through this boring ass bullshit.  The hell am I doing....  Yes, this is partially written as I watch it.  I don't know when GPS was invented, but this movie does have it.  I wonder if it was a common thing at this point, I certainly didn't know anyone with it in 1997.

In this one, you have regular guy Buck.  One day Buck is kidnapped and has one of his kidneys removed, and a mystery bag put in it's place.  He doesn't seem to give a fuck though, and just goes about his business.  What is it?  Well, it might have something to do with a company that's doing experiments with nanotechnology.  Or it might have to do with a masked man who leaves him a weird voicemail, asking him to make a pickup from a restaurant.  Eh, it's probably both.

This movie is also king to bad CGI.  Okay, I take that back, other movies I've seen have it worse, but this is in line with those glorious 90's CGI movies where it looks like a damn cartoon.  I also am not sure if this was supposed to take place in the future or now?  I know it's an odd thing to wonder, but they don't riddle the movie with technology that's made up (besides the nanotech).  However, they do have the people dressing all weird and they have some other weird stuff that doesn't quite look 90' it's one of those where I guess it takes place in some bizarre alternate future.

Do you ever get the feeling that the backstory of a character that you're being given is just time killer? Yes, I know backstory shouldn't be considered filler per-say, but then again, when it goes on overly long, and it's not plot important, and it's hardly even a main character, well, yeah, that's just fucking filler dude.  Just a different type.  I've also been around long enough to notice the stock sound effects when I hear them.  This movie has them.  Just, you know, so that you know that.  This movie is chalk full of bad stock sound effects.  Obviously shot on a shoestring budget, and probably in empty buildings they found, without permits.

This movie was actually quite bad.  I just kind of wanted to do an in-depth analysis of it.  Hope ya enjoyed it.  It has basically no redeeming factors.  It looks like a school project - having made and seen plenty of those, I can tell you I'm a trusted source.  I almost forgot to mention!  The reason I saw this is that it was directed by Paul Wynne.  In mid 2005, I saw the movie Tail Sting on the Sci Fi channel.  That movie is about genetically mutated giant scorpions getting loose on a plane.  This was before Snakes on a Plane, hell that movie was made 5 years before SoaP.  So I watched Tail Sting and it was horrendous.  Having always had a special place for it in my heart, I wanted to see another Paul Wynne film, and this one was on Amazon.  There's the story.

In the end, Buck gets his kidney thingy removed, and it turns out it's a bomb. Him and the girl survive the explosion, and freeze frame as they kiss.  Awww.  I'll give it 1.5 stars for generic 90's trash that's funny to look at but not that good by any means.

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