I had what I will call a crisis of faith the other day. It was Sunday and I was watching something, and I realized that now I see everything through this filter of Grindhouse Review. I don't just watch movies anymore. I was watching and I was judging the pacing, I was remembering weird little scenes, I was formulating the review in my head.
Why do we think our opinion matters so much? In the end do we really think that it matters, it's relevant to the movie what we think of it? Be it bad or good, does the perception of a film matter? Let's look at a movie like The Matrix. The Matrix was a movie that most people saw and most people saw as innovative. What does it matter what I personally thought of it? The internet is about self indulgence. Anywhere, at any time, you can read people explaining a thought, and you can decide whether or not you agree or you disagree. Sometimes you can't find a specific thing, but that is only going to diminish as the internet goes to more obscure corners of the globe, people have more and more opinions, and time goes on.
Just think, what if you loved The Matrix but hated the scene where Neo follows the white rabbit in the beginning (the white rabbit being the tattoo the girl had). I bet you that you can find people talking about that very scene online right now. Or a week, month, year ago. People discussing it, it's relevance, it's meaning. It's odd that now you can find virtually anything you want online, and everyone can post and have their opinions and can express themselves. You can go onto a board and agree with other people who think the white rabbit scene was dumb.
But what does it, in grand scale, mean to view a film this way? To view it from the eye of the critic, or the cult writer, or the opinionated? Before you could have an opinion, but no one knew it or cared about it. Now you can fly your opinion in everyone's face and people can comment on it, ignore it, believe it or not. I just think it's another way of prioritizing ourselves, telling ourselves we matter, our own uninformed and ridiculous opinion matters.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel really conflicted about continuing this blog. I feel like I see movies in a quicker-to-judge, more negative way. I just see them so I can bitch about them later. And furthermore, I think anyone who undergoes what I've been doing, but that doesn't find their opinion swayed in the same way I did, is merely lying to themselves or isn't introspective enough to realize what's happened.
I think it's a bad thing I haven't seen movies the same way. I used to approach them with a more open mind. A submission. I would go in expecting it to be low and be surprised when it was good, rather than going in expecting it to be bad and then bitching when I proved myself right.
But I also don't want to lose a thing that I have grown to enjoy and which passes the time: blogging, and watching movies. So what do I do?