Friday, January 30, 2015

Parasite - 1982

Producer/Director Charles Band has a big following.  Mostly I think it's 15-22 year old stoners who are haphazardly wandering through the video store (or nowadays, the internet) and find a movie so preposterous, so outrageous, they say to each other, "LOL, check dis out, Lenny, a movie called Evil Bong!  Let's watch it while we smoke a bong!"  Note that in this sentence, the speaker did not Laugh Out Loud, but literally said "el oh el"

What I'm trying to say here is that these people are not the brightest of movie-watchers.  Nor are they meant to be.  When you market a movie entirely based on the notion of "let's make a movie so what the fuck people will want to see it if only to know HOW you can make a movie about that!" you're not exactly aiming for the stars.  Hence you have films like Gingerdead Man, Ooga Booga, Unlucky Charms, Demonic Toys, the list could go on.  But like most direct to video people, he has his cult following, and he has not always only made little known of movies that appealed to the lowest common denominator.

1982's Parasite first came to my attention because I saw the poster for it in another 80's movie, I can't seem to recall which one, but it wasn't Troll, and that is the only thing listed on imdb as having a poster of Parasite in it.  So who knows.  I'll probably never know.  Anyway, it was an 80's horror movie and I saw the Parasite poster, and thought "I should see that movie".  So now I have.  It's a pretty well done movie, which I almost feel bad about saying given the details surrounding it.

I love this:  post-apocalyptic world where the apocalypse is never explained....ahh.  Every movie should begin this way.  I mean it.  Like, why the fuck not?  Okay, so this world is not as destructive and horrible as most post-apocalyptic worlds are, this one still has money, still has cars, and still has some semblance of law, but it is still after the big blow up of society so we know something is gonna be wacky.  We follow through and through good guy Paul Dean.  He arrives in Joshua, California, almost exactly the same as it was pre-apocalypse (ha, gotcha there, Joshua Tree) and immediately rescues a topless girl from a gang rape (nudity in the first 8 minutes = win).  Turns out she...wanted to be raped?? And anyways he decides to stay there, and is soon pursued by a dude in a black suit, who drives a black Lamborghini and is hunting Paul.

Turns out Paul has a little parasite living inside of him, and he has weird things he's carrying around with him.  What's in the weird things?  Why, another parasite of course!  So the other one gets loose, starts killing people and growing bigger, and the one inside of Paul starts to gradually kill him.  So he must track down the loose parasite, with the help of sexy voiced Demi Moore, and then he must somehow kill the one inside him before it kills him.  It's a race!  To the death!  Oh and the dude in the Lamborghini is also a threat!

So I joke and all, but it is actually pretty well done.  Neat setting, out in the desert, very cool effects for the parasite that is killing people, it's slimy and gross looking with huge fangs and looks like some sort of sick nightmare.  Very well done.  The movie must've been sort of a disappointment to the original 3D release, as there's not a lot that would have been in 3D, but since I didn't watch it that way anyways, who the fuck cares.  The acting is solid throughout for once, the main actor Robert Glaudini is really good, actually.  Demi Moore is a nice touch to an otherwise mostly ugly cast, and some other good actors in it, make it an enjoyable movie.

Um, I was definitely going to write something else here.  Too much coffee this morning.  God, I feel ridiculous.  Well, who knows.  Here's the poster for the movie!

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