America 3000 - 1986

 Also known as Thunder Warriors.

Actual dialogue from America 3000: Vena: "That effin Plugot tricked me..."  Lakella: "Plugotz got neggy smarts for tricking nobody Vena."  Ooof.  Yes, in the year 3000 we're gonna have stupid lingo that overruns our language and we're going to sound like preschoolers.

We are in the future in this one again, which means the apocalypse has happened and thus the remaining humans are greasy oily guys wearing animal furs and firing crossbows, but it also means there's remnants of the advanced society that led to the end of everything.  We have a sprawling story set in the Israel desert where 80s women with majorly blown out hair hang out and say dumb dialogue like that above to each other all day long.

Then we have our main character, who is really a side character but provides us with obviously tacked on narration they added when told, "this story is so hard to track, you gotta clarify what the heck is happening here."  

This does join the long list of post Mad Max rip offs that jumped on the post-apocalype bandwagon, and you know its kinda a bummer tha Max Max Fury Road didn't reignite the genre, or even make too much of an impact seemingly...  I dunno, I miss genre films.  Genre films, regular movies that were cheap and actually got released, they were't premiering on Netflix to no fanfare.

Plotwise we have a society where women rule and men are used for breeding or castrated at worst.  The lead male wants to rebel and our main character and others follow, and it helps a lot when they find an ancient technology stash where they can get access to better shit.  From there, they fight and dialogue happens and if you don't think a large part of the plot revolves around a boombox and a desert yeti, you are dead wrong.

Pictured:  the actual scientifically verifiable year of 3000.

3000 is a good movie, its kinda dumb and low budget but I liked it and I'll give it 3 stars.

Beeper - 2002

 I was thinking of a funny trilogy or even more you could throw together with this movie.  "Movies based on passing technologies".  Obviously Feardotcom, Phone Booth, Trapped by Television, and then Beeper.  What would the sequel be?  Dial Up Internet:  The Movie?

I believe I saw a trailer for Beeper on a VHS circa 2001-2002.  Even then, Beepers were a thing of the past.  My mom had a beeper when I was in elementary school, so we're talking about the 90s there.  I understand that the tech is still around, and is sorta a joke cause its primarily used in drug trades, but hey that does not mean I can't make fun of it.

Beeper is a low budget thriller thing, decidedly low scale, in which a doctor visiting India with his son has his kid go missing when he's doing a conference and finds a ransom note.  This leads him to the cops who almost blow the deal and now its up to the doc solo to investigate this thing, with the help of a girl cop he finds and then later Harvey Keitel as a mob boss who is mostly out for himself.

Beeper, well, I wanted the beeper to be involved more first of all.  In my head this was a hilarious romp in which he's getting beeped a lot and having to call people to get directions on where to go next.  Whatever the story was I needed that tech front and center.  And it wasn't really, it gets stolen pretty early on and a lot of the movie is actually trying to track down the beeper.

Its not as funny as it could have been, and instead it waffles around as a middle of the road thriller that you'll instantly forget.  2 stars.

Thunder - 1983

 Also known as Thunder Warrior, Drug Traffickers, and The Fury of the Warrior.  Well, I was off in guessing filming locations.  I guessed New Mexico and it was in fact Arizona.  

There's a throwaway line in First Blood which I just rewatched where they are describing Rambo for some reason and they mention he is part Native American.  This is part of the whole theme of the movie really, who else would have this intrinsic instilled knowledge of the land, of the rights and wrongs, of the truth behind society and why evil exists and...  Yeah, its cause there was an unspoken truth at this point in time, Native meant mystic and we could write off bad writing with just that.

Thunder is an Italian production shot in Arizona with a few local stars like Bo Svenson, the plot concerns a near total rip off of Frist Blood as a partially Native American is dissed and beaten by the occupants of a local town, including the police therein, and then he basically goes postal to use the oft used phrase.  A quarter or less of the dialogue from the film First Blood is employed, as we watch our main character fight the law, will the law win?

This movie is pretty boring, despite my seeming enthusiasm for it.  It too often goes to overlong scenes of dubbed actors saying stupid dialogue.  Our main character is gone for massive lengths of time with little to no explanation.  There's very little progression of the story despite the seeming addition of tension with the idea of now he had a gun or now he has a car or now he has a tractor or whatever it is.  

Thunder has the guy from the MST3K classic Escape the Bronx, and it is a fine movie to watch, its also gracefully under 90 minutes, but it is still too long and not very good.  1.5 stars.

Rubin & Ed - 1989

 My aunt Lucy recently recommended this to me, then the next time I saw her she had written the director of this on Facebook or something, and had obtained a signed DVD copy which I am now watching.  Weird huh?

Crispin Glover stars in this little known indie buddy comedy flick.  Made on a small budget and definitely leaning into the "weird" side of things, the movie is a road trip/buddy comedy/who knows unclassifiable niche experimental one off.  Sounds like just the sort of thing Glover would be in, right?

The strangest thing about this is the tone.  Neither character is likable, and the fights between the characters feel actually real, not in an entirely good way.  That said, the comedy also feels real and the jokes are actually funny.  The movie is a weird one, thats the bottom line, and I'm not surprised someone in my family would own a signed copy, thats for real.

Plotwise, weird loner Rubin is told by his mom he has to make a friend or he won't get his boombox back.  Realty schlup Ed is a misfit who wants to redefine his life with success after his wife left him.  They team up after Ed finds Rubin's cat dead and Rubin swipes his vehicle to go bury the cat in the desert.  Wacky shenanigans ensue from there, and some of the stuff is insane and some of it straight forward.  

Overall the script is better than it sounds and it moves quickly.  I thought this would be a super low budget mess but it's actually cohesive and I liked it more than I thought.  I'd give it a solid 3.5, and I'll tell my aunt I enjoyed it.

Murder By Numbers - 2002

 When you're flying cross the country and you have 5 hours to kill, sometimes you end up watching a movie you wouldn't expect. There's very little choice on a lot of planes and so the fact that this 2002 unknown action thriller was available made me put it on.

Murder By Numbers is a apt title for a pretty much by the numbers thriller film. A well-written and perhaps well inspired film, but also one in which there's very little takeaway and there's not going to be a ton to say. I called that this was inspired by the Leopold and Loeb case, a real life case in which two very intelligent men thought they could smart their way into getting away with murder.

Michael Pitt and Ryan Gosling Star as the two men and Sandra Bullock stars as the investigator, we know pretty early on that they did it and we know pretty early on that she thinks maybe there's something suspicious about them. The rest of the film is putting the puzzle pieces together as to how they did it, who did what, and why.  

That's all well and good, and it executes it to the average degree. What I found the differentiated this from certain other movies is that the character stuff is well written. Sandra Bullock's character is very strange and slightly comical and slightly dark. The two kids are well written and they have an odd dynamic. Side characters are pretty well fleshed out and each one delivers a very solid performance. I appreciated that this was more of a character piece than one would need for plot like this and that the character pieces that were attempted were done well.

That said it's the only thing that makes this stand up a tiny bit above the average mystery thriller and I give it a 3 out of 5.

Rambo III - 1988

 Everyone knows First Blood, it's the actually good overlooked psychological look in on a veteran who returns home and faces difficulty from a cop. 

Part two that same veteran is sent to rescue POWs in Vietnam. It's a steep drop off from the first. Then... what the fuck happens in part 3?!  That is why I'm choosing to review that one even though I watched all 3. 

Rambo 3 is the one where Colonel Troutman gets kidnapped while he's sent on a mission and then Rambo choses to go in and rescue him alone. That's the gist of this one. But as I started it I just kept wondering is this one any good or do I just forget about it constantly, is it just too much of the same thing?

For both 2 and 3, these movies had been on a trajectory of losing dramatic interest and instead opting for action.  I think that the reason this one jumps the shark is because it takes a relative side character in Troutman and not only focuses a lot on him but chooses to do so in an action lens. Richard Crenna is a good actor and the movie is not terribly written but I think I end up not caring because it's not what I came for.

Troutman is the secondary character in this, and beyond that you have some Middle Eastern family that Rambo's sort of adopted.  I only now realize both 2 and 3 don't really have central villains... They're fighting governments, lands, entities. The first movie had Brian Dennehy. Just something to note. 

Rambo 3 is fine to put on in the background and it's very forgettable but it's not like it's going to hurt you.  It's still better than Rambo and the recent Rambo Last Blood. I'll give it a 2.5

Twisted - 2004

 Dude c'mon with this title. The year is 2004 and Ashley Judd had been implemental to the post Se7en nu-metal soaked post millennium world. Why not capitalize with a film titled Twisted?!

Geez you guys. This movie is exactly that though. You have Bone Collector and Double Jeopardy and such, and this is arriving a bit late to the scene to say, "hey how about that whole thing again? I have something you say!"

But does it tho... You know.... Does it? Not really basically. This movie switches things up by having Judd be a short haired sexually charged cop who is also an unreliable narrator. They just looked at those stops and said fuck it pull em all out. 

Sam L Jackson, Leland Orser, and Andy Garcia fill out the cast, and the movie goes along minding its own business. They show Judd is a tough cop in a new precinct and a new body shows up- it's someone she's slept with. She instantly gets a bad omen and sure enough, soon other men she's fucked begin to turn up dead. 

Twisted is a product of its time, yet without leaving full into an R rating it leaves it feeling uncertain what it wants to do. Also, the end is entirely predictable. I'll give it a 2. 

The Burning - 1981

 I guessed later in the 80s. Hm. 

The Burning is a slasher. Wait, a slasher in the 80s? First for everything. 

I dunno. The Burning is a movie I've seen a few times, honestly had to check to see if maybe it'd been put on this blog before. This movie is a lot like Sleepaway Camp, which is of course a lot like Friday the 13th. 

I'm not calling the Burning completely unoriginal. In fact when I first saw this I liked it, and I watched it again now and liked it again. There's the slasher I'm trying to remember where the kids play a trick on someone in the beginning... Terror Train, of course. Anyways in both Burning and Train the beginning shows the future killer getting spurned by dumb teens, giving them the need to kill. It's a weird idea to front load the reason, but then again I guess Friday the 13th had a strong reason in the end... Huh I dunno. 

The Burning has a pre Seinfeld Jason Alexander, it has some titties, it has some decent deaths, and the ending is fun and fast paced. There's not much to dislike. I'll give it 4 stars. 

Maniac - 2012

 I first saw Maniac fairly early on, perhaps in 2012. I was pretty into Alexander Aja at that time, and I saw an independent movie produced by and starring Elijah Wood also produced by Aja so naturally I watched it. 

Maniac was so recent but so long ago. Long ago in that Texas Chainsaw, Halloween, and probably other stuff I can't think of had recently been remade or sequelized, and also graphic "horror porn" was still sorta in the zeitgeist. 

This is sort of a remake of the William Lustig 1980 same titled film which I actually rewatched recently and both times I've watched Maniac 2012 I've thought how was this a remake? I get it basically it's a horror movie where the killer is obsessed with mannequins kinda, but other than that they're pretty unrelated. 

Elijah Wood is a maniac killer whose eyes we literally see out of in the rip off of the idea in Enter The Void. He goes around slicing off women's scalps and having freak episodes, and basically that's the plot. It's made with a gimmick in mind, that of seeing from his point of view, which I will give it credit for in that it is original, and never caught on in any significant way. 

Is the movie good? I mean, interesting question. Gimmicks can work, I will not dismiss them outright. Director Franck Khalfoun certainly made a unique, highly watchable movie. Almost certainly made on a shoestring budget with a lot going to the gimmick, it doesn't feel cheap. Also it is eerie and memorable. For years I been sitting here saying, remember that first person slasher movie I saw once?

Maniac is not essential but it is a good movie and worth a watch. 4 stars. 

In the Year 2889 - 1969

 Larry Buchanan previously appeared in the blog with Its Alive, a monster movie I hated about 5 years ago. 

Fast forward to now and I haven't watched much more of his movies and indeed haven't watched much this year even, at all. I am again tempted to say blog over, let's settle for now by saying blog changing. Blog slowing. 

In the Year 2889 is a talky sci fi flick about isolation and suspense type stuff. It's a movie type I generally like because it's so simple and stripped down and rides on the writing. If you're not a good writer, see movies like The Devil Girl from Mars. Either way I appreciate these movies as a challenge to themselves and the crew.

2889 has a small group get trapped with an old man when a deadly fog sits in the hills, bringing with it awfully mutated killer guys.  One of the trapped people is a hothead guy who wants to run the show but the oldman has a gun, and another guy is a scientist. There's the girl and viola, movie. 

It's a relatively slow and generically kinda boring movie, but tbh I was expecting worse. It's doesn't have absolutely zero happen, some stuff does happen. Not a lot, but ya know. You can basically predict it so I'll spare you more plot detail. 

I'll give it a 2.5. It's straight down the middle with not much to say about it.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes - 1970

 I've seen the original 5 Planet of the Apes films, I remember them from back in high school or middle school or whenever I saw them.  I was always into the original film, since who knows when, and true story my DVD once played at the theater I used to work at.

I did not, however, remember a single thing about the 4 other films in the series besides some of the latter half ideas of this movie.  In this movie, another astronaut named Brent comes to the Ape Planet and discovers the ape civilization.  He meets Nova, Zira, Conelius and all the other characters from the original movie, and pretty soon he's on the run with Nova.

This is the one in the series with the strangest turn from my memory.  That's because Brent finds a group of hyper-evolved humans that speak telepathically and worship an atomic bomb.  Its a choice, I guess, and the end is a huge weird moment that does not speak to 3 more sequels.  

The effects in this movie are okay until the end, where the slashed budget of the movie is apparent.  It's still not that bad looking, and I enjoyed the movie a good amount.  It's not that which makes the movie suffer too much, if anything the plot is what sinks this movie.  So much of this movie is cryptic for the sake of being cryptic and then when the big reveal comes, the plot is so completely stupid, and on top of that acted poorly?  It's just unfortunate.

I was interested enough to put the next movie onto my library queue however, so take that as you will.  3 stars.