Thursday, February 19, 2026

Children of the Corn - 2009

 Thus we come to the end of another long running series, with this 25 year anniversary remake of the 1984 film.

Rewatch the 1984 film and you'll see a slow burn feeling character drama with eerie kids and a mounting tension as Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton struggle to understand what's going on, and as the kids slowly unveil their intentions.  Watch the 2009 SyFy original remake and you'll get thrust into 50 minutes of bad dialogue between a feeding couple before you even see the kids of Gatlin.  Yikes.

It's a slow and awful plot as these two unlikable people have an ongoing fight about her being a prom queen and him being ex military, and you'll remember it because they say it about 5000 times.  Once they show up in Gatlin it somehow slows down still, or maybe remains slow because once the kids kill the main girl, you're just following one guy as he avoids the kids and He Who Walks.

As an ex-SyFy viewer I find this to be bad, even from that low bar to set.  Those movies were fun because they were so bad they were good with half-bit actors and awful CGI colliding into a ridiculous mess you could knock back a few beers and have a good enough time with.  This movie is too slow, too monotone, and really there' just nothing to grasp here except I guess about 30 seconds of topless women.  

I give this about a .5

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Children of the Corn - 2009

 Thus we come to the end of another long running series, with this 25 year anniversary remake of the 1984 film. Rewatch the 1984 film and yo...