Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Catwoman - 2002

250 calls for something special right?  This movie was a thorough mistake.  I'll say that, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed behind my back too.

Remember back when I liked Mortal Kombat: Annihilation?  That movie and this one are sort of blood brothers.  They're the bastard children of a craze that bred them then denied their existence.  Catwoman was born from a newly revamped interest in all things comic book brought on of course, by Spiderman, and the upcoming Batman Begins.  Of course they'd do a Catwoman movie!

I remember people giving this movie shit because Halle Berry was black and was gonna play Catwoman.  As if her fucking race matters.  I did notice though that because the main star was black there was significantly more R&B and rap in the soundtrack.  If it was say Nicole Kidman, the soundtrack would've been way damn different.

There's a perverse side of me that enjoyed this movie.  You know, it's pure early 2000's bliss.  The flash editing that is juxtaposed against the ridiculous "dramatic" plot.  Like, if you're going to have all this supposed "realism" why is everything flash edited?  Those two things do not go together.  Okay, I'll admit it, I've had a couple'a cocktails.

Have you ever watched a movie for the first time, yet you inexplicably knew the next piece of dialogue, called what would happen next, or known exactly how the movie would go?  I think we've all been there once or twice.  The thing is, some movies are so simple and so average we know what we're getting from ten minutes, five minutes, one minute in.  This is one of those.  This movie, I seriously just predicted a quote from it and I'm only half paying attention since I'm writing this review as I watch it.

This movie has everything:  the typically full of himself male bad-guy.  The faux feminist agenda main characters that only talk about the men they're fucking.  The "breaking boundaries" action star that's female, but kept in line by being a male fantasy: wears skimpy clothing, acts like a seductress, and even makes regular references to kinky sex and submission.  In short, the dialogue is fucking terrible.  There's also the collection of hollow secondary characters, and even a hollow villain.  Sharon Stone fills out the cast as a aging woman who is ignored by her husband.  Typical Hollywood bullshit or searing indictment against all men everywhere?  I leave it to the viewer to judge.

The worst sin this movie committed in my eye was the CGI cats though.  Now, you know, I get it.  There's a phrase about "herding cats" meaning that cats are difficult to control and having them in movies is hard.  But seriously, they looked like goddamn cartoons.  Just rework the script or something to where they were in smaller roles, or spend some of your Halle Berry money on a good looking cat.  Jesus fucking christ.

This movie had me in good spirits for the first part of it, but ultimately it was way too long.  The fun factor wears thin and pretty soon you're just staring at it, waiting.  It's obvious how it's gonna go, so you're just staring at the clock as scene after scene goes just as predicted.  So I would highly recommend the fast forward button at times.  But that aside, 2 2000's era stars.

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