Thursday, April 28, 2016

Horrors of Spider Island - 1960

So I do feel bad about the lack of reviews, after all.  Even though no one cares.  I care, I'm someone, right?  In this case I guess so.  Horrors of Spider Island is also a riffed-on movie, done in the last season of MST3K, and it does deserve it.  Just so you know what kind of territory we're diving into on this one.

I may have been a tad hard on The Creeping Terror for its audio quality and the whole narration thing, because this movie gladly interrupts dialogue thats taking place to have the narrator sum up what the guys are saying.  Of course, Creep did it to a huge extreme, whereas this treats it more as a "special case" type of thing.  And is it possible they're the same guy?  Now, I obviously know that they're not, but they sound hugely similar.  Horrors could almost be seen as a similar film to Creep though, because they both feature that narration bit as well as featuring badly done monsters.
At least this looks like a fucking spider though.

Dance producer Gary hires a bunch of girls in the beginning of the film to put on a show in Singapore.  Their plane crashes in a glorious fireball, yet somehow they all survive.  They drift to an island somewhere, and it turns out to not only have some other people on it, but also giant spiders!  Gary's dancers are helpless, babbling stereotypes, Gary himself a slab of chunky gristle who is also a worthless stereotype, and generally the movie goes mostly how you'd expect.  It's lighter on the monster than Creeping Terror, we only see the Spider a handful of times, but we do see is the dude the spider bites who then turns into a spider/human hybrid! 
"We're out of cream cheese?!"

Most of the movie is the petty arguments of the prima-donna girls, Gary trying to get with them, and then the other two guys on the island getting with them.  There is a lot of soft-soft core erotica in this (bare legs, skimpy outfits) and even a nude scene with censored bodies!  That's pretty rare, and I do have to wonder if the overseas versions of this kept the nudity intact.  So, that's why this was made.  In short.  See my review of Zeta One for my thoughts on early film nudity and erotica.

Some movies deserve a lot of explanation, this one does not.  Early soft-soft erotica and barely there monster thrills are more than enough here.  And, corny chauvinistic dialogue by the dudes.  I give it a slightly middle of the road 3.5 stars, though it is an awesome late night WTF drinking smoking movie too.  Okay, fine, 4 stars.

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