Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Breathing Fire - 1991

"Listen.  Annie's parents were killed for a piece of plastic pizza.  I want you guys to just stay home and not get hurt."

There's a now internet famous song from Teen Witch which was obviously originally going for like the tween/comedy angle, you know, throw a rap battle into your 80's movie cause that sort of music was popular with the kids.  That whole movie now has a semi-cult awareness about it, and that one and Breathing Fire feel like they share a production feel.  It's made for the tween young adult audience, stupid comedy is thrown in, the baddies are all muscled up meatheads who are as thinly developed as a Polaroid picture.

Annie's parent's like I said, were killed for a piece of plastic pizza.  I'm not going to explain more than that because honestly, if you can't imagine the retarded scene and dialogue, you need to watch more 90's teen movies.  Annie needs to be protected, and gets regulated to Uncle Dave.   Uncle Dave has two kids already under his care, one of them being the star of the movie Jonathan Ke Quan from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and also from Goonies.  Uncle Dave get his knee injured and the kids want him to to train them in kung fu, so he finally agrees to train them.  Stupid training montage ensues with shirtless guys.

All the dialogue in this film sucks man.  All of it is written in the most uninteresting, straight forward way.  Basically it sounds like anyone could have written it.  The acting is similar.  The only fun actor is Jonathan Ke Quan, and he's not even that fun in this.  He comes off like he's trying to still do the whole Short Round from Indiana Jones thing, except trying to do a little bit more serious, and it's the serious parts that don't work.  Saying it sounds forced is too generous.  No, it sounds straight up awful.  Forced is not anywhere extreme enough.

Did I mention there's a scene where the two main stars Jonathan and his brother fight three midgets at a bar?  You better believe it was filmed for comedic purposes.

Let's just say that, because I've been rethinking my entries on this blog, and because I wasn't enjoying this in any form, I came very very close to turning it off.  Kept it on, in the background though cause I only had 20 minutes left.  It's an obvious rip off of Karate Kid, and it feels extremely second rate.  I only watched it cause Bolo Yeung was in it, and his role is very minimal.  Don't watch it if you're a fan of his, cause he's practically not even in the movie.  I give it 1 star.

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