Highway 61 - 1991

I was walking through West Oakland a few weeks ago when I found the gold mine.  The gold mine, for me, is anything that people leave at their curb.  Finding free shit is one of my biggest joys, and I indulged greatly, sifting through the discarded goods.  I found an entire box of VHS and of course took the entire thing.  And in that box was a VHS of Highway 61.

I watched this movie with my friend Matt.  We were a bit drunk, a bit out of it, and we had just watched a Tales from the Crypt VHS (also in the box I found).  We decided "lets watch something good" and put this on without knowing what it was....  and we were both very surprised.

Highway 61 is a Canadian comedy film, sort of a romantic comedy, if your idea of romance is askew and your sense of comedy is dark.  The film was independently produced, and although all the people involved have many IMDb credits, I hadn't heard of or seen any of them ever before.

Don McKellar plays Pokey, a very nondescript barber who discovers a body in a bathtub in his back yard.  Soon enough a girl named Jackie shows up and claims that the dead man is her brother.  She wants to take him to New Orleans to be buried, but has no way of getting there.  An attraction exists between the two of them, and soon enough Pokey agrees to drive her there.  In the meantime, a guy proclaiming himself to be Satan is hot on their trail to claim the dead man's soul.

Re-read that last sentence.  I think the best part of this entire movie is the bizarre level of weirdness that it has and the offbeat, unexpected turns it takes along the way.  There are a ton of super memorable moments in this movie, whether its the graveyard sex scene, the accents of the characters, the zaniness of Satan and his bingo scene, or the undeniable chemistry between the leading characters.  This movie had me at zero expectations.  And it surprised the hell out of me.

Sometimes you go into something and you're pleasantly surprised.  Sometimes you're thrilled.  But sometimes, you're almost changed for life.  This movie, honestly, was awesome.  I feel like it spoke to me in a very different way than anything else I have seen recently.  I absolutely loved it, and so did my friend Matt.  We talked about it for a really long time afterwards.  I give this movie 5 stars.  I might be overselling it but seriously, absolutely loved it.

Fuck it, I'm just going crazy with these.

Monster in the Closet - 1986

Troma is up there in terms of bad movie distributors.  There are bad movie directors, bad movie studios, bad movie actors certainly, but there's not a lot of other companies known solely for distributing these awful flicks.  Of course, I speak primarily of their bad movies, but they had some decent movies in there as well, locked away, hidden, and obscured.

I guess Troma's best known feature is The Toxic Avenger.  One day I should rewatch Toxie.  I saw it in high school and I don't think I've ever seen it since.  I got introduced to Toxic Avenger and to Troma by my friend Ben, and that motherfucker I haven't even seen in like 16 or more years, so you're getting a taste for how long ago I saw Toxie.

Monster in the Closet is one of the movies that Troma did not make, they just distributed.  I think at this time they were distribution only, none of their own stuff?  I have no idea really.  Anyways, Monster in the Closet must've had some money, and I'm guessing it was from the director, who has a ton of credits as a second unit director.  They got Claude Akins, John Carradine and Harry Gibson to be in this movie somehow, and the actual actors help a lot.  Also, a kid Paul Walker is in this?!

Other than that, I am on a miniature roll right now of watching movies set in San Francisco!  And I'm doing this without even meaning to, this and Beyond the Door I had no idea were filmed around here.  This one had an actual scene at the TransAmerica Building, and a scene where it looked like it was probably on Columbus Street.  My old work neighborhood!

Basically the simple premise of this is set in the beginning; somehow a monster can seemingly appear in about any closet anywhere at any time, and kill someone there.  Relatively early, it is seen by the world and verified that yes, people are going to be knowing and believing this is a real monster, and then from there, that it's basically indestructible.  Various methods to kill it are made while in the meantime the main characters lead a group of people that are involved in all this.

This movie was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be.  It is a horror comedy by intention, and I found a few parts mildly amusing as well.  Near the end, spoiler alert, they decide the only way to stop the monster is to destroy all the closets!  No closets no monster right?  I thought that was a brilliant move and a very funny sequence.  Shit, did I like this?  I guess I did huh.  Goddamn.

It's a bit uneven at times, but overall it's very well done.  It has heart and the monster suit is also great, it's silly but also practical effects and it's even slightly scary.  Shit, I'd be scared if I was a kid.  It works in other words.  I dunno.  I feel bad for giving this four stars, but uh....  I will anyways?

Images - 1972

I'm throwing in the odd "good movie" again here.  I am entitled to do it every once in a while.  And I am not very versed in Robert Altman.  Looking through his movies, I see that I know Gosford Park and Prairie Home Companion from my movie theater job experience.  We played Prairie Home Companion, and I don't believe I saw it.

Robert Altman was nominated for seven Oscars in his life, making him one of the most nominated people in this blog.  He is well known in many film circles and many consider him "one of the greats".  Images also has music by Academy Award winner John Williams, and cinematography by Academy Award winner Vilmos Zsigmond. This movie has all the right people in it, including actor Rene Auberjonois and Susanna York.

Susanna York plays Cathryn, a young newly married woman.  She is clearly delusional from the beginning, and it makes me think early on:  when your main character's crazy from moment one, it makes you wonder how the movie will keep the illusion of reality.  She sees a duplicate of her very early on, walking around, and she begins to see an old lover of hers at about minute 20.

The movie walks a line of having a untrustworthy narrator, and as I often do during movies such as this, I find myself wondering "what is happening in reality?"  I guess that is the intention, and to make you think certain things will happen, or certain things won't.  I am having an interesting time writing the plot to this, because I don't want to give too much away, but here goes, maybe some slight spoiler warnings here....

Susanna is seeing her old lover, Rene appear randomly, and she's seeing a double of her husbands friend (and apparently her old lover) Marcel.  She begins to have conflict with them, wondering why they're there, if they're real, and what to do about it.  Sometimes she will see these doubles instead of whoever she is actually talking to as well.  It's all about as confusing as it sounds, but it's well done enough to make it watchable and not a clusterfuck.

Intermixed in all this is fantastic, abstract cinematography, creepy music, strange constant allusions to jingling bells and turning wheels, and intense dread.  They nailed a creepy, atmospheric presence to this film.  There is also a really nice choice here to have a highly sexual plot, but to keep the nudity to a near absolute zero, except in one scene where it is done for a horror effect.  This movie was quite expertly made, that much is apparent.

Critics were unsure of it, marketers were baffled, and the movie was basically a bomb.  It's not shocking to see why.  It's a bit confusing, a bit long, and at one point I felt myself wondering, "Is anything going to happen in this movie at all?"  Despite all that, I'm glad to have watched it, and I give it 4, or maybe even 4.5 stars.

What do you think of THIS awful graphic?  Pretty classy huh?

Murder on Flight 502 - 1975

You might ask what I'm doing watching a made for TV movie from the 70's now that the boxset is dead.  I don't know.  I have no explanation for you, but you know what, this one was pretty bad and worthy of the set so put it this way:  I'm reliving my innocent age.

I noticed the cast of this right away.  Farrah Fawcett when she was married to Lee Majors,  Sonny Bono, Walter Pidgeon, Danny Bonaduce and Robert Stack.  I immediately assumed this was good, and it showed a producing credit by Aaron Spelling, so I knew this at least was maybe mildly good.  Yo, get with the names son.  You gotta know your 70's shit.

What we have here is a murder mystery that takes at least 20 minutes to get to the mystery and another 30 to get to the murder.  Honestly, 45 minutes or so in I exclaimed aloud, "Is anyone gonna fucking die in this movie?!"  I was in a moment of pure boredom, and there are a few of those in the movies, however there are also moments of true intrigue and moments or wondering what will happen next.

So it begins and we're on a giant 747 flying from New York to London.  Piloted by Airplane actor and generally typecast no-nonsense Robert Stack, the flight is all business and good business at that.  We have on board a rockstar played by Sonny Bono, Danny Bonaduce as a privileged 13 year old millionaire, Farrah Fawcett as an airline stewardess, Ralph Bellamy as a doctor, and George Maharis as a the only cop, 60,000 feet high over the ocean...

Back at flight control, they receive a note that was supposed to reach them the next day, it states, "as you know, deaths occurred on the flight"  So now everyone is keyed into the supposed deaths that will happen on this flight.  We follow the cop, the doctor, the musician, an old woman, a stewardess, a priest, basically anybody as we wonder "who is the killer"  The movie leads us this way and that, throwing shade on one person then another while we wait (mildly bored) for the first killing to occur.

Like I said, there are moments where I got caught up in it.  It's way too much talking for anyone to really care too much, but they do a good job balancing dialogue with intrigue for the most part.  It tends to drag because it literally saves all the deaths for near the end, when there's no need.  They tried to hard to have a "reason" for all the deaths, and they didn't think about what would keep the audience really interested.  But still, characters are likable and things keep chugging along until everything comes to a typically overdone final few moments.

What do you want for your made for TV movie?  It made me wonder, and I'm gonna google this:  What is considered the BEST made for TV movie?  Duel, being an early Steven Spielberg is immediately in the ranking.  I'm also getting a lot of HBO stuff, which frankly, I don't count.  Anyways.  An interesting question (or is it?)  I give this a 3.

Skinner - 1993

What's this movie about anyways, the tough no-nonsense FBI director from The X-Files?  Skinner, leading the FBI and dealing with Mulder and Scully mostly through dialogue with his superiors?  They are never really seen, maybe a shot of their empty office as he walks by, contemplating what he'll have to do with those envelope pushers?

Skinner is a low budget, independently made thriller film.  Much like the last review on here, it's elevated by a few unique details in there, including the music and performances.  Rikki Lake, Ted Raimi, and Traci Lords all turn in performances designed to sell the piece, and despite some clear overacting from Lords and Raimi, it all somehow works with the material.

The material in this case would be a story of a psychopathic killer who is moving from spot to spot killing women.  And that reminds me of how I was going to originally start this review:

The Silence of the Lambs.  Psycho.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Deranged.  Motel Hell.  How many fucking movies have been inspired by real life killer Ed Gein?  It's a lot.  To cut to the answer.

The point of all of this is that this is another movie inspired by the serial killer and grave robber, and it's the whole "making a suit of human skin" thing in Silence of the Lambs and living with one's dead mother thing that was seen in Psycho.  These are the things Gein did and in Skinner, he's making the suit himself.  He kills prostitutes and takes their skin, while constantly talking to himself about whatever random bullshit happens to be on his mind.

I haven't reviewed a lot of 90's films on this blog and at first I was reminded why.  The immediate feel is so vastly different from what I am used to.  The grungy-ness, the music, the style, the in-your-face feel of this.  The music was what turned me off first, with a breath-sounding overdone song that grates on your a bit.  It's all well and good, in the end, but I forgot how ridiculous (and /or awesome) some of these 90's movies feel.

I fell down a wikipedia rabbit hole just now, sorry.  I'm back.  Anyways, Ted Raimi is hunted by a morphine addicted prostitute played by Traci Lords, while in the meantime Ted forms the first real relationship he's had with his new roommate played by Rikki Lake.  Hooray?

I liked this more than I should've.  It spends far too long with Ted Raimi's serial killer guy, and he overacts a lot, but it's also shitty material and I'm sure it's not all his fault.  I think it's still a fun movie, indicative of the time in which it came out, and it's currently free on Amazon, so...you know.

C.H.U.D. - 1984

The annoying to type movie C.H.U.D. is a classic 1980's horror movie that many have seen and could arguably be said is one of the most known newest additions to my blog.  From now on I'm just gonna be typing CHUD by the way.

What's there to say about this bonafide classic film that hasn't already been said?  I don't know.  I'm actually looking forward to my next review, check out Skinner, coming up next.

CHUD stars John Heard and Daniel Stern, it's also got John Goodman for a tiny scene.  What a handsome dude John Goodman used to be by the way.  It's crazy, he looked a lot like a guy I used to know!  Anyways, the performances help lift this movie up, as well as it actually being competently shot by director Douglas Cheek in his only directorial feature film also helps.

What you have here is a pretty straightforward film.  Early on, in the first like 17 seconds, we know what this movie is about.  A woman on the street is grabbed by some sorta creature out of a sewer system.  We can see the hand of the creature is humanoid, but hugely mutated and gross, and thus we already know what the killers are (and probably how they got down there to begin with).

So with the suspense gone, with the answers there, we are only left to follow the characters as they in the story discover what is what.  This is primarily Daniel Stern as a reporter and Christopher Curry as a cop, with John Heard as a photographer being brought in as well.  Meanwhile, John Heard's wife is pregnant and it seems the creatures are pretty close to where she lives.

One thing I really took away as well from this is just how much only a few elements elevate your horror movie.  Of course, acting is a huge thing.  But also, the music in this is fantastic.  It's creepy, it works just right, and music done by David A. Hughes made sure that he would stick around in the industry for a while and later work on Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

I dunno, bruh, I liked this.  Perhaps a tiny bit overlong and felt pretty obvious where it was going.  Also, the killer creatures in the end?  Fucking awesome.  Well, well done and awesomely real effects.

Beyond the Door - 1974

Hey everybody, let's rip off a film!  You down?  I'm thinking we do a mix of The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby.  Oh wait.  Didn't we just do this with The Monster which came out after this?  Well, it's not like this would be the only one....

Beyond the Door is a pretty cool title for the film I will say.  It's a very well known cult film, it has two unofficial and completely unrelated sequels, it's the whole shebang in other words.  Ovidio G Assonitis is a bit known in the giallo horror scene, being associated with things like Piranha II, Tentacles, and Madhouse.

In this one, it's pregnant woman Jessica and her husband Robert as the expecting couple, and she gets the standard curse put on her, from the devil himself.  She is going to give birth to the antichrist or something, and so we watch as this effects her and as Robert looks about as clueless as all get out.  Eventually this priest guy Dmitri shows up to help, although it seems that his reasons for helping out are sketchy and he may have alternate motives.

This movie being about an hour 45 minutes is the main issue.  The beginning, other parts, some of these are handled very well.  Sometimes it's extremely well handled, sometimes it's tense and cool.  There's good music at times, there's good makeup, there's some trippy sequences that work.  But ugh, come on, for almost two hours this just lags and stretches and makes you question your life

San Francisco is the main setting for this film, which was fun.  I spotted it super early on, with just the shot of a train, and I called it before those later full shots of the Golden Gate Bridge and everything else we're known for here in the bay.  I have to say, it always makes me feel nice to see something actually filmed here.

I have very little to say about it.  It's a fine movie.  It just isn't that great.

Trilogy of Terror - 1975

I've started this movie no less than 3-4 times, and when I go through it all just now, I am forced to wonder why couldn't deal with it all in one sit.  It's a brisk 72 minutes, an anthology, and stars grindhouse review favorite Karen Black!

Segment one we have Karen Black starring as conservatively dressed teacher Julie.  In the beginning, one of her students sees her and decides she will become the target of his affections.  He begins to chip away at her calm and controlled exterior, asking her out on dates, getting to know her.  Eventually he date rapes her (!) and now we have a dynamic of control...  But, there's something about Julie the student would have never suspected.

Segment two it's Karen Black as twin sisters Millicent and Therese.  They're polar opposites of each other.  Millicent is very much like Julie from segment one, conservative and contained, she is trying to get help from a doctor to control Therese.  Therese is a swingin' cat, interested in sex and power and money, and pretty soon Millicent gets the idea that Therese will have to be killed.  The doctor finally catches on to what's happening but is he going to be too late?

Segment three, Karen Black stars as Amelia.  Amelia is a frustrated woman with a lot going on in her life and an over controlling mother.  She has finally got a man in her life, and he's an archaeology teacher, so she found a weird Zuni fetish doll to give him for his birthday.  But, as she reads from the scroll the doll came with, it's revealed that if the gold chain comes off the doll, the spirit of the warrior will come into the doll. Soon enough the chain slips off, and then it's Karen Black versus a 8 inch fetish doll with a spear.  It's vaguely racist and crazy shenanigans from there on in!

This is a fast paced, easy flick to digest.  There's nothing too crazy or weird about it, except the last part of the anthology.  There's actually quite a bit of the last story to get into, but suffice to say it's the only part of the film which could be interpreted as "bad" but it would be bad in a hilarious way.  The tones shift drastically between the first two and the last one, and I'd be hard pressed to think the last Zuni short was not made to be intentionally funny.

Karen Black pulls off the roles and is easily 90% why you'd want to check this film out, she is a good actress but I will say...  Well, I've seen her work better than this, and I think partly it is due to the material present, and not herself.  Director Dan Curtis we just saw in Scream of the Wolf, and I mentioned he did Burnt Offerings.  He largely worked in made-for-TV movies and the Dark Shadows show, which I've never seen.

It's a fun time, a bit uneven sure, but a culty drinky smoky movie you'll enjoy decently.  2.5 stars.

Scream of the Wolf - 1974

About 20 minutes into Scream of the Wolf, we know who the killer is.  Yes, this is a movie where they try to hide it exactly twice, but I still called it very early on.

Made for TV movies are something else aren't they?  I put this on, watched it in chunks, enjoyed it mildly.  If this was on TV and I was in 1974, and I wasn't doing anything, I'd be happy enough watching this.  It's got known actors, it has plot suspense, it has kills, it even has a mild amount of blood.  I mean, what more can you need?

Peter Graves, Clint Walker, Jo Ann Pflug, and others star in this made for TV movie that aired January 16th, 1974 on ABC.  Isn't that strange, those specific details?  I'm going to guess it was a Friday or Saturday..  nope, it was a Wednesday, and can you imagine that you went to your blue collar job, you spent the day wearing bell bottom jeans, you got in your Chevy truck and drove home, perhaps picking up a canned meat product and a jello salad on your way home, and then you watched this while you used a churchkey to open can after can of Coors?

Yup, it was a different world and yet it still sort of stands up, this movie was not that bad and I in fact dug it a little bit.  It was "groovy" or perhaps "outta sight".  Further research shows this was based on a book by Richard Matheson, it was directed by the guy who did Burnt Offerings, and I will say that it probably fooled a few peeps into thinking the killer was certain other things, people, or animals or anything really than what the killer actually was.  Again, I called it.  Losers.

I liked it just fine, but it's admittedly pretty low scale and slow.  It gets a three.

Claws - 1977

Jaws came out in 1975 to a worldwide boxoffice explosion, invented the "summer blockbuster" supposedly, and was a great critical success.  You can't expect it to have no follow ups, rip offs, or attempts to cash in on that...  And while there are hundreds of stupid killer shark movies, there are also similar forays into killer "other creatures".

I mean lets be honest here, for a minute.  The title?  Pretty fucking cool.  Jaws, Claws?  You see what they're going for here?  Do ya, motherfucker???!  Claws, cause bears have claws.  I'm issuing false enthusiasm here, cause I don't have much.  So let's get to it.

The guy who did the American opening montage of Terror of Mechagodzilla directs this Jaws ripoff about a killer bear.  There's a old Native American legend about a bear demon, and in the beginning of the movie a grizzly gets wounded.  Now, as we all know because we're all reading my blog every day, I discussed revenge as one of my reasons for killing in my last blog entry.  I'll copy and paste here...
3) Animal escapes zoo and generally goes on random rampage.  Seemingly out for revenge, the hunky hero is called in and when tranquilizers don't work, it's kill time (usually sad and dramatic)

Now in my example I said it was a zoo, but what I should have focused on was not the "how" part but rather the revenge part.  In these, it's all about the animal seemingly wanting revenge specifically against humans.  In this case, Jason, Henry, Chris, and the Sheriff, who are all out in a small Alaskan town where people are getting mauled.  Native American dude Henry is warning about the bear while Jason and his ex-wife Chris have spats, and in the meantime don't forget the 15 foot tall bear.

It's a fine example of a decent middle grader movie.  There's nothing BAD about it, in fact I was even slightly entertained.  At the same time, it's not that cool, and there's not much GOOD about it either.  It was filmed in Alaska, and the scenery is beautiful.  Some of the shots of the bear are decent.  But then there's the end, where literally the entire thing is in degrees of slow motion, and there's many a scene where it's shot and edited in a confusing way...  There's also the fact that, plain as day, you never see bear and human in the same shot, and it's obvious as to how this was made.

In an era where people are still hailing Jaws as a classic, movies like this are completely forgotten.  One other reviewer pointed out, this was basically the Asylum knockoff of it's time, but this is before knockoffs were consistently complete shit, so I give this a 3.5...no, a 4 star review.

Night Creature - 1978

Also known as Out of the Darkness.  What we have here is a Donald Pleasence marathon...  Hey, he was a big 70's actor, and as we all know I am marathoning the fuck out of 70's movies.  70's movies are where it's at son.

Night Creature is a plot similar to one we've seen before.  Of all the possible "recurring plots" that may exist in the world, why is this one so common?  This is "the big game hunter".  Big Game Hunter can go multiple ways...  lets see here.
1) Big Game Hunter white man goes into foreign area to help out a local tribe who is hunted by a mysterious predator/ancient god/voodoo curse and he hunts down the creature (usually a lion)
2) Big Game gets a taste for human flesh and starts invading local townsfolk.  Several young maidens are usually slain, and savior white man arrives to hunt the bad boy down (lion or tiger)
3) Animal escapes zoo and generally goes on random rampage.  Seemingly out for revenge, the hunky hero is called in and when tranquilizers don't work, it's kill time (usually sad and dramatic)
4)  And then there's this movie which is very common...  In an endless effort of confronting foes/proving manliness/to become the apex predator, crazy white man takes a creature and lets it loose on an island with the intent for it to be man versus nature.

So, again, why?  Why would they do this in at least 3 or 4 movies I can mention right now including MST3K vehicle Bloodlust?  Night Creature at least has Donald Pleasence in an uncommonly overacted role as a old man whose daughter was killed by a black panther.  The black panther is filmed in a super cool way, and this movie was also filmed in Thailand and looks pretty awesome!

Donald Pleasence takes this black panther to an island to hunt it down, but as he is doing so, several other people come to the island as well.  Ross Hagen (playing a character named Ross, haha) and Nancy Kwan as Leslie show up with several others.  The less important characters are killed off while the three of them, especially Pleasence, mostly talk about the panther.

It's very easy to see that acting saves this movie.  It has a certain surreal quality to it, but that alone wouldn't save it if it weren't for Pleasence, Hagen and Kwan.  The black panther is similarly a huge benefit to this, and they shot it in super creepy ways.  Often, even with the sounds of roaring and such obviously not coming from the filmed animal, it still somehow fits the panther, and it's locked eyes seem to peer deep into the audience.  This film captures the feeling of being hunted extremely well.

It gets mixed reviews online.  People talk about poor pacing, poor editing, and how Pleasence is basically the only good part of it.  I won't disagree entirely.  This movie certainly has some flaws, but I liked it.  It has a ethereal otherness to it, and ambiguous attraction for me.  Lets be honest here, a lot of movies have nothing, and this has 2-3 great things.  I still can't give it much over a 3 though...

New stars.  I'm givin em a shot.