Conquest - 1982

 I started this movie on Freevee with no idea what it was, and was pleasantly surprised by the opening and the directorial credit, Lucio Fulci.  I haven't seen all that much from him, but I'm a big fan so far.

Almost immediately I was googling "best Lucio Fulci movies" and reading lists and reviews from bigger film nerds than me, and I was doing it partially because of the thought, if this isn't one of his best I'm going to be surprised.  From the list I was on, Conquest was rated at number 2.  

Conquest is a sword and sandal adventure movie with a fantasy element.  But more than that, it's an atmosphereic romp full of awesomeness.  You get introduced to what this is going to be early on when the you notice every woman in this is either topless or naked, there's incredible fake decapitated heads, and awesome spaghetti sauce used as blood in a head splitting scene.  

There's bad movies, good movies, so bad it's good, etc.  This is just plain good, in fact great.  The main character is a somewhat unexplained mystical dude with a magic bow and arrow who is pursued by the topless, masked evil villainess Ocron.  She sends leagues of baddies out, including super cool looking spider dudes and bear dudes.  There's this other good guys Ilias who helps our hero out, and there's lots of violence blood and nudity along the way.

The overused phrase "fever dream" is not enough to descirbe this movie.  This is a fever dream that took acid.  The movie is all sorts of nonsense, helped by a foggy, blurry shooting style and apparently more fog IN the camera.  Conquest may have the unique filming location of Fogland, Italy.  All this gives it loads of fun and loads of atmosphere, which combined with good pacing and a plot so simple you never even think about it, these things make the movie fun.

I kept thinking because of how fun it is exactly that this movie would be a great one to put on at a party, silent in the background.  No one would really notice it, but if they did for some reason they might legitimately start watching it, confused out of their fucking minds, ignoring the party and the option of getting laid just cuz this is so enrapturing.

I give it 5 stars.