The Unholy - 1988

 Porn store VHS here. I exclusively got fun looking stuff. 

The Unholy is a religious themed horror movie, and while those are automatically not my favorite, some are decent. This one, not one of the decent ones. 

Some priest is tempted by evil seductresses in this movie. I'm tempted to say that's it, that's the plot. Cuz truly that's basically almost it. What else... I dunno, actually, that is it. 

This movie is slow, it's long, and it's boring. The good religious movies keep things going with kills or effects or whatever, this just plods along. It does have Hal Holbrook and Ned Beatty in small roles and there is a cool monster at the very very end, but at this point you're already tuned out. 1 star. 

The Bear - 1988

 I have been once again collecting VHS that I see around, as I mentioned earlier.  I have about 11 more, and I do intend to keep this going, as I like the gear shift that comes with random VHS.

The nature documentary is not a new genre, though it has regained popularity with Planet Earth et all that have been coming out recently.  This is not a documentary, but it is very close.  Minimal dialogue, music, and even a respectful non-invasive method of filming make it spiritually akin to the real thing.  Jean Jacques Annaud directs this extremely realisitc film.

The Bear stars real bear Bart, who I just read was considered for a Academy Award nomination for his role, until the Academy decided non-humans could not be nominated.  Real story.  Bart is a big ol' bear that a cub finds when its mom is killed by a couple humans who are going around hunting bears.  The two of them go around and do bear things while in the meantime the two hunters are still out there, guns loaded.

This is very minimal, as already stated.  That is a real bonus for it.  The bear is also real, as is the cub, and that makes it really cool to watch.  This could never be made with CGI, if it was it would completely suck.  Instead, its fucking fantastic, beautiful and really captivating.  The movie moves at its own contemplative, meditative pace, and varies between tension and elatedness a lot.

The Bear is a unique film that you should probably watch, and I really enjoyed it. 4 stars.

The Postman - 1997

 The Postman is almost as well known as the other Keven Costner helmed and starring vehicle Waterworld.  These movies were well known then and now for being huge, bad, bomb movies that were publicly mocked.

I saw Waterworld dozens of times, and its a fucking classic man.  Somehow though, I never saw The Postman, until now. 

One time in the last few years my grandma, 88 or so at the time, griped about my mom moving to Mexico.  "They don't even have a post office," she gave as an example,  "how can a country run without a post office?"  I thought of what arrived in the mail these days:  things that say Current Resident, magazines you didn't want, and things asking for money.  I shook my head and silently thought to myself, "I'm sure they're fine without it".

Kevin Costner stars in this futuristic sci fi flick about a world ended by war and reduced to desert and rogue communities, things have really steered in the wrong direction in the far off year of...2013.  Yup, ten years ago that apocalypse struck and we had no mail, and then some actor from Waterworld saved the world.  Remember that?

Anyways, he gets inspired around the 50 minute mark to do his part by delivering the mail, and you know... can I ask...  how the fuck did this movie get made?  It's so much a product of it's time, the people who were young in the 60s getting to where they could make their own vehicle, and making some psuedo community save the world flick about how bad things are but how the spirit is still good.  

The Postman is a dumb, weird romp through a specific time and a place, and it's a classic.  Its a bit slower and not as effects heavy as Waterworld, so it'll get minused a few points for that, I'll just give it a 3.5.

Revenge - 1986

 More of the VHS from the porn store with a perhaps not quite as rare and not quite as amateur film here, the 1986 cleverly-titled Revenge.  John Carradine and a vague plot, lets make the movie.

This needs to be mentioned in the same breat as ISOYGT from last time not just because they were bought at the same store, but also because like I said, this is in the same amateur vein, just not AS MUCH.  This movie had some production, even if it mostly took the form of them simply hiring a known actor for one day of filming.

Revenge is also known as Blood Cult II, the sequel to the 1985 film which is something of a cult classic.  It is directed by the same person and has similarities, so it might as well actually be Blood Cult II, but it is not titled that way.  It is the sequel though, I guess.  

Revenge is basically about a cult of some sort which is killing women and leaving a little totem on their bodies.  Some people are going to this area and are killed, repeat, repeat.  John Carradine is a cult leader guy, and I kid you not, probably on set for one day.  I don't really remember much else plot-wise.  It's extremely straight-forward.

Revenge has some kills and some trashy fun, but it's not as fus as ISOYGT.  It is pretty much just a cheap horror flick with little going on between the ears, but it's fucking fun enough man, it's fine ENOUGH.  I'll give it like a 2.