The Lady and the Highwayman - 1989

Oh joy, another movie from the director of A Hazard of Hearts.  This guy, John Hough, directed a horror movie I've wanted to see also, American Gothic.  Also, John Hough appeared earlier in this blog, unbeknownst to me, with the movie The Incubus!

Well that's all well and good, but what does it tell ya about The Lady and the Highwayman?  Well, I can tell you that this is based on writing by Barbara Cartland, the same author as A Hazard of Hearts, and that this feels almost exactly the same.

The Lady and the Highwayman is, from IMDb "Swashbuckling tale of romance, betrayal, jealousy, banditry, murder, and court intrigue set in the 1660s, during the Restoration to the English throne of King Charles II."  I guess.  It basically felt like a Robin Hood-esque fantasy of good versus evil.  Hugh Grant plays Lord Lucius and looks exactly the same.  Michael York and Oliver Reed are wasted in dumb roles where they wear big wigs.

I am in the house right now, so I get wifi, and I thought this was possibly the most interesting thing about the movie.  To quote from wikipedia:
"Caryn James from The New York Times gave the film a negative review, stating that the film "offers just a few meager possibilities for unintentional campy comedy".  Author and film critic Leonard Maltin awarded the film a BOMB, his lowest rating, writing, Populated exclusively by obnoxious characters; even Steiger can't help this one." VideoHound's Golden Movie Retriever, awarded the film their lowest rating, calling it "A stultifying career low for all involved."

The movie is bad.  Honestly, it's just boring, and that comes from me when I wasn't paying attention at all.  Get drunk and tolerate it.  Or just don't watch it.

Cavegirl - 1985

Well, I couldn't find it.  I couldn't find what I know Daniel Roebuck from.  It is likely Star Trek The Next Generation, but I kind of doubt it.  Point is, he was recognizable.

I put on Cave Girl and I had the volume kinda low, but I was still entertained.  Cave Girl starts with nerdy, chunky, but lovable dolt Rex as a obviously-in-his-20s dude playing a high school student.  Rex suffers mishap after mishap, including going into the girls locker room and getting chased by about 10 topless women.  This was about 15 minutes in and I got my hopes up for constant nudity and sex.

Then the plot turns to the actual story as Rex gets sent back in time by a crystal and he arrives in caveman days.  It's supposed to be funny, and it's not, but it is okay I guess as Rex goes about his antics with cavemen.  He eventually meets cavegirl Eba, and she's cute and friendly.

What follows is a movie which is barely an hour and 15 minutes, and there is nary a complication to the idea.  There is one tiny moment where Rex and Eba are separated, but generally it's about Rex trying to fuck Eba, but he doesn't want to be crass about the whole thing.  There is a fat cavewoman who gets made fun of, and the cavemen are given some Three Stooges type of physical "comedy"...  but generally, nothing happens.

Despite all of this, it entertains somewhat, and it reminds me of an era where movies were both appealing to kids and adults.  The movie is certainly made for the 12-17 year olds, yet is R rated in modern times.  I'd totally take a 14 year old to this.  It's innocent as fuck.

Choices - 1981

Knockin' em down, these 80s movies.  Next we have a football drama.  Or at least what starts as one.

Demi Moore had her first film role in this coming-of-age story about a young football player John Carluccio.  John is a young, talented high school kid who is on the football team, on the music group, and involved in a lot of school shit.  He begins to lose his focus however, when he gets cut from the football team due to his partial deafness.

What we have then is a film of relative convenience.  He quickly gets in with the wrong group, they accept him right in when he shows up wearing denim and takes a drag off a cigarette.  He tries cocaine and pot.  He's one day in the football team and the next a total deadbeat beatnik.

He continues to play violin and write music, because it seems only his football outlook is affected.  He also continues to love Demi Moore and she continues to date him, never saying word one about his character changes and his rampant drug abuse.  It doesn't matter, he kicks all of those without ever talking about it or having it be a scene in this movie.  John just decides he's fine and then his football friends accepts him back no worries, no harm, no foul.

This movie was emotionally affecting and well acted in parts, but incredibly bad.  The plot holes, as I've mentioned, were huge.  Really?  You're not going to have Demi Moore go with him for a joyride, almost get busted by the cops, go through hell, and not even mention it to John the next day?  She's just like, yeah bruh, I'm in for whatever.

Choices is a film that needed a bit longer, and it felt edited down.  It actually felt made for tv too, and I wonder if I saw a version which was played on TV.  I haven't mentioned that several of these prints on the 80s set were obviously taken from VHS, and I wonder if this was taken directly from a fucking TV recording.

Spoiler alert:  The movie has all these plots that appear and are dropped.  And the major story line is the whole drama around the football team and John being cut from it.  In the end, he's let back on the team without anything being mentioned, in a spur of the moment decision.  It's as if to say, "ah, fuck the plot.  Whatever.  Who cares."

A Hazard of Hearts - 1987

I thought this was called When the Bough Breaks, but that's another movie on the boxset.

Helena Bonham Carter is from England?  How is it that I didn't know that?  I watched the beginning of this movie thinking, she does a good British accent for an American.

Long before she was saddled up with Tim Burton and his sorry excuses for recent films, Helena played Serena in this made for tv movie, the first made for tv I've seen on the set.  No, the other one I guessed was made for tv was not.

What is this...  this is a lot like the one on the 70s boxset aka "the set we don't talk about anymore".  Brief research tells me I'm thinking of the movie Jane Eyre.  This felt similar to that because they're both these old-timey love stories set in the good ol' days of yore when gentlemen wore cravats and other strange adornments, and women of high society talked about sex in strange, coded messages.  It's all very Jane Austen again, and it's not my bag man.

But...  I watched it.  Helena plays Serena, a young girl whose father loses her in a dice game to a rich old scumbag.  Then the scumbag loses her to this hot young thing Lord Byron.  Lord Byron doesn't know who she is, but now officially owns the poor girl, and they meet.  What they don't expect is a mutual attraction to form.  Also, Lord Byron's mother is caught up in illegal stuff, and also that scumbag dude is still after Serena.

Blah, I dunno.  It is what it is.  I can't complain that much.  If this type of thing is your bag, you might dig it.  I'll just give it a 2.

High Risk - 1981

I forgot the name to this movie about 13 times before I finally remembered.  High Risk.  Not a terrible title, but surely not one that stands out either.  A lot like the movie really.

High Risk stars James Brolin, who looks a lot like his son Josh.  James Brolin is part of a group of four guys who rob a drug kingpin in the beginning.  It seems their great master plan to rob the guy consists of "let's just stroll in, grab the money, and stroll right out".  I wonder why such a well constructed plan goes wrong?

And the Plan does go wrong.  This movie has the heist happen in the first 20 minutes or so, and they duct tape the drug kingpin to the chair.  Before they tape his mouth shut the guy says, "You won't make it five miles".  And he's right.  The rest of the movie is about these robbers trying to escape the place where the guy is, and along the way the adventures they encounter.

Again, a lot like the title, it's very average.  There was no real reason for it to be made, and I wonder why it was rated R.  Nothing objectionable happened in my memory, and there was certainly no nudity.  In fact, I struggle to remember if there was even swearing.  Probably.  A few f-bombs I guess.

I put on High Risk because I wanted a bland action filler movie, and it delivered that 100%.  There are guns, put your mind at ease.  I give it 2 stars, because even for a bland movie, it was a bit TOO forgettable.

The Kidnapping of the President - 1980

What a career the always lampooned William Shatner had.  People give this guy such a hard time, and honestly I don't think he's that bad an actor.  He's a bit overacting sometimes, and he certainly looks weird in his mid-older age.  He doesn't look legit at all.

William Shatner stars in this likely made-for-tv thriller.  Hm.  Let's see.  I'm guessing that now.  Remember, I got no internet out here and zero research has been done.  I'm writing this blind.  I'm guessing made for TV much like I'm guessing the year.

Shatner is Conner, a secret service agent and good guy in this political intrigue flick.  The president is your average good guy too, and he gives Conner a hard time in the beginning, and soon enough he's off on a tour throughout Canada, sitting in his convertible and waving to the people.  But in the crowd is a bald dude and woman with other plans.

A guy who looks like Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (when Depp played Hunter S. Thompson) clamps handcuffs onto the president and shows that he's covered in dynamite, and thus, soon enough the president has been kidnapped!  We get to see the complicated plan the bad guy has, and the thus more complicated plan the good guys have to concoct to beat it.

And ya know what, color me jaded, but it ain't bad.  The movie ran for two hours, and I wasn't bored.  The characters are decently written and there's a lot of good turns.  Despite being not super tense, there is still an atmosphere and I got caught up in the storyline.  I was genuinely interested to see it play out.

I'd guess this movie was again made by someone good, and experienced.  This was obviously somewhat budgeted, and I'd seen the president actor in other things as well.  It was a vehicle for Shatner, but he's not dwelled on too much, other people are given a chance at the reigns of this movie.  I dunno, did I like this that much?  I guess.  3.5 stars.

Agency - 1980

Agency, for some reason I thought this starred Robert Vaughn.  It didn't. Instead it was Lee Majors and Robert Mitchum.

Agency is the kind of movie that would be on this boxset.  A political intrigue thriller with little politics, intrigue, and very little thrill.  They all exist to be sure and I'm not taking a shit on this movie.  I'm just saying....  its on the boxset, I can't be wrong.

Agency does star Lee Majors as a deep-V plunge-neck wearing, in-over-his-head ad agency writer...or director...or a guy who works there, I guess.  This movie is therefore sort of about Don Draper, a reference I make even though I only watched part of season 1 of Mad Men and then I gave up on that bullshit.

Don Draper uncovers some sort of secret project with the help of his Jewish buddy played by Saul Rubinek.  Saul Rubinek plays himself, a quirky, bizarre Jew dude who helps to uncover the project going on which apparently Draper knows nothing about despite being high up in the company.  Soon enough, Rubinek is dead, and now Draper has to uncover the mystery alone...

Agency was pretty good, actually, and it keeps you interested.  It made me really curious though, because I feel like the evidence against the Agency was very slight.  The evidence of anything bad, I mean.  And has there ever been a movie where the main character suspects foul play or a conspiracy, and then there's NOT one?  The Game, sort of, jumps to mind.  But I mean much more traditional formulaic like this movie.

Not one to watch twice, but it's not as bad as you might guess.   3 stars.

The Howling VI: The Freaks - 1991

I'm writing this as I watch it, because I care that little and cuz this movie fucking sucks.

We follow the wooden acting of main guy and werewolf, Ian. He's a young cute guy who is also a werewolf, and he finds a circus where he's taken in and put on display for the locals.

The movie is an hour and forty minutes...why did they ever make it that long? Christ, it's slow as shit and drags like a limp noodle. The hokey feeling to the flick doesn't help, and there is no suspense or even plot to speak of.

VI literally goes as you expect, and you'll convince yourself something had GOT to happen...but no. It doesn't. It doesn't happen. So skip it. No stars.
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Lamb - 1985

"Liam Neeson," my boxset boasted on the back, enticing me in.  It was a list of actors present in the monstrosity, and I looked at it with a arched eyebrow.  Piqued curiosity but reservation held, I observed that name among many others.  Actors can be in bad things, thought I.

Liam Neeson did indeed star in Lamb.  Lamb is the story of Michael Lamb, although I don't remember hearing his last name said in the movie at all.  I thought it referred to an innocent lamb, or some biblical bullshit because Neeson plays a priest.

Liam's character Lamb works as a priest at a center for troubled boys.  The boys there are from all ages and all backgrounds, they're bad news, and soon enough 10 year old Owen comes to join them.  Owen is too much for his mother, and she drops him off.  At first it seems like Owen is a real issue.  He smokes, he swears, he lies.  But Lamb takes a liking to him, and soon enough the two begin to bond.

The main issue with this movie is a lack of motivation for Lamb for the events that follow.  Essentially Lamb ends up asking Owen if he'd like to run away from the school with him.  Lamb is experiencing doubt with his convictions and he thinks Owen deserves better than the school, and I get that, but it doesn't explain why Lamb would break the law and take Owen, why Lamb would rob the boys school of a bunch of money to support them, and what Lamb hopes to accomplish.

Soon enough, the law is on their tail, and Lamb begins to realize the gravity of his decision, especially when it turns out Owen has epileptic fits.

This movie was amazingly well acted, very interesting, and really well made.  The pacing is good and the story deep.  It did need some explanation, and I was a bit put off by that, but if you stick with it, it really works.  We witness Lamb getting in way over his head, and his final actions are really gonna sit with you.  Good movies make you wanna read the book, and I'll tell you now that I really want to read this one.

It has flaws, but it still deserves at least 4.

My Mom's a Werewolf - 1989

I put 1987 and then I rethought and figured it was 1985 before I found it was 1989.  You need backstory on these years don't you?  No?  Oh, sorry.

I'm charging through the boxset, and I'm sure I'll slow down, but for right now, here's My Mom's a Werewolf.  MMW is the story of a bland suburban house mom that is bored and frustrated with her husband, feeling neglected, and entertains the fancy of a local werewolf played by John Saxon.  John Saxon bites her toe and soon enough, mom is changing into a werewolf.

This is a comedy obviously, and although it was not funny, I did find it entertaining.  The 80's charm is in full swing as the corny music plays, and it's appealing in the low-value way.  For a Friday night rental with the kids, which is probably what it was going for, it fills the void.

It went quick, and it wasn't too bad.  The werewolf makeup is even alright, and the acting was good enough.  Without checking IMDb I would bet these people have all made movies before and after.  This wasn't a single movie for anyone involved, I wouldn't think.

I give it a average 2.5

The Howling V: The Rebirth - 1989

I knew the first Howling came out in the early 80's, but I did not know they had this quickly gotten to the 5th sequel.  The 5th sequel, and another sequel not based on the books.

I'm working towards The Howling, the original from 1981.  I guess I'm going to see and chronicle these sequels before I get around to rewatching the first Howling.  I don't intend on seeing The Howling Reborn from 2011, but I will watch Howling 6 and probably 7.

The Howling V is a pretty far take-off from the first 4 which I've reviewed most of.  I did watch Howling 4, and not review it, a mistake which I regret (if you're wondering).  I'll write a retrospective review of number 4 sometime, if I don't convince myself to rewatch it.

Howling 5 is a murder mystery wodunnit type of film, it's the kind of thing we've seen before in many different horror or suspense movies.  The movie stars no one I've seen in anything else, and the director was the co-director to MST3k favorite Space Mutiny.  A bunch of random ass strangers get invited to a Hungarian castle, and when they arrive some of them start getting knocked off.  Turns out they all have things in common, and the guy who invited them has reason to believe one of the invited guests might be a werewolf.

It's relatively slow moving, and the plot is unoriginal as sin.  I think I've seen this exact movie before, actually, except it took place in a mansion.  House on Haunted Hill is basically the same thing is what I'm saying.  And this movie is a huge departure from the other Howling movies as well.  At this point, the series has no theme of any type, and the plots are all over the place.  That said, I guess this is exactly like the others in that case?

Full of dialogue, full of accents, and with a little bit of nudity, it gets something like a 1.5.

The Hot Box - 1972

Women in Prison films I explored maybe 1-2 times on here before.  It's not my favorite of the cult genres, but it's one I go to if I want to see rampant nudity, perhaps some rape, and mindless action violence.  And last night, I wanted all of that.

Produced and co-written by Jonathan Demme, this is from the Corman wheelhouse and also the Filipino director Cirio H. Santiago.  If you don't know, that means schlock, exploitation, and cheapo budgets with non-actors and minimal outlook the whole way round.

The Hot Box was filmed in the Philippians, and it has four hot American nurses who are captured by a group of guerrillas early into the movie.  They are swiped from the beach, taken by this ridiculous overacting stereotype guy and I begin to think "oh no" about how good this will be, but soon they're traded off to another group of guerrillas, a group who is actually sensible and decently written.  I guess future Academy Award winner Demme did his job decently here.

There's lots of absurd nudity in the first 30 or so minutes as the girls bathe, as the girls have their shirts torn off for various reasons.  The nudity slows from time to time after that, and then ramps up again towards the end.  They didn't ever get any full nudity in here, no crotch shots in this one, but the tits are good and there's plenty of them, so your appetite will be fulfilled.

It's above average for this type of thing. The women are well written, and two or so of them are actual developed people for once.  The guerrillas are made to be sympathetic, and it's done well.  The movie is overly long again, and I checked how much was left many times towards the end.  It drags it's ass and you'll be distracted for sure, but overall, whatev.  It ain't too bad.  I give it 3.

The Mad Bomber - 1972

"Dorn didn't have to keep a diary, the newspaper did it for him."  This was a great line from this Bert I. Gordon directed film, a director which I don't believe we've seen on this blog before. 

I put on The Mad Bomber because the Amazon art was amazing and because I wanted something 70s again.  There's been a lineup of 80s movies recently, and I was wanting something with that slower, more character driven build I now equate to the 1970s.

IMDb claims this movie is from 1973 and called The Police Connection.  Also known as Detective Geronimo.  The plot is described as "Los Angeles detectives Minelli and Blake must track down a serial rapist who may know the identity of a mentally disturbed bomber."  And yes, that does happen, in the first like 20-30 minutes, but really for most of the film we follow the bomber himself, William Dorn as played by odd looking Chuck Connors.

William Dorn is a driven man.  Tall and a big gangly lookin, William starts bombing places early into the movie, much like the movie I just saw, The Train Killer.  Also like Train Killer, motivation and reasoning goes unexplained, and instead we watch both killer and the police detective who's chasing after him.  A hospital is bombed while a rapist is in there doing his thing, and soon enough the police nab the rapist and get a description of the man,  After a hilarious scene where they're artist rendering his face, police are after Dorn!

The Mad Bomber felt inspired by Dirty Harry quite a bit, but with a more human and centered killer.  It has that same gritty bad boy cop and unreasonable but somehow contained killer.  I liked the movie, I think it was compelling and the killer was well played.  I give it a 3.5 star rating.

The Train Killer - 1983

Also known as Viadukt.

I put this on because the name, The Train Killer.  I thought this might be a horror movie, and I also figured it might be a suspense or a thriller.  It actually turned out to be a dramatic story, one that I have to say was well done and interesting.  I had a feeling this might have been dubbed, and sure enough it was Hungarian originally.

Szilveszter Matuska is a war veteran and husband in post war Europe.  I think this movie took place in Germany, I wasn't too sure.  Either way we start with a preamble about how Matuska is disgruntled and ready to start derailing trains.  No real explanation is given, as to why, but we watch as he goes out and tries an initial attempt, unbolting some screws from the track.

As his first attempt is unsuccessful, he continues to try and do it, while he goes about his life in general.  He is a put together man, and I admire the way they made him likable instead of a psychopath.  He's charming, outgoing, successful.  And as he tries to derail trains, his smarts eventually figure out how to do it.  Making a train jump the tracks with little to no injuries, and eventually, detonating dynamite on a bridge and killing many people.

The movie is ambiguous in intent.  Matuska is neither a villain nor a hero, and we get an almost opinionless view of his actions.  People around him are horrified, and it also seems the Hungarian government knows what he's doing and approves of it, so around him is motivation, while he himself just claims he wants "to show people".

I wasn't expecting much, but this is honestly pretty compelling in it's storytelling.  We follow Matuska, and we witness the train accidents.  They probably destroyed real trains from the look of it, either way if it's models it looks fantastic.  The characterizations of those around him seem realistic and they're all dynamic people.  Main actor Michael Sarrazin really nailed the role, and several other characters were all well acted.  It was a great movie....  I dunno dude.

Review 500!  It makes sense this one was just a standard ass, "from the boxset" review that went unnoticed by me.  But at least it was a good movie.

The Patriot - 1986

Action movies?  Is that the theme I should be expecting here, on the Excellent Eighties boxset? So far, I've had three action movies on here.  Have to say, I would not be disappointed.  I'd go for that.  Action movies are satisfying as fuck.

In this one, some guy that looks like a rip off of William Hurt stars as a guy with a gun, and he has to protect somethin' or other and be with a girl who is dating the bad guy...  or eventually the dude becomes the bad guy. Not William Hurt gets the girl, there's a bit of nudity, and there is a nuke somewhere.

Leslie Nielsen had a "role" that was more of a cameo, there was an okay amount of action, and things happened from my memory.  It struck me how, in these movies, the average action hero goes from simple dude to a killing machine in like 15 minutes.  I thought of this with Laser Mission too.  Brandon Lee is just a dude.  In this, fake William Hurt is at least in the army.  But these guys get into the plot, pick up a gun and just start mowing down red-shirts left and right.  What about the value of human life?

Despite being clearly limited in terms of locations and budget, this movie was fine.  No big time lessons learned or missed, nothing major, just a whatever action movie for a Wednesday night home in the cabin (these were the conditions I watched it under).  I guess 2.5?

Deathrow Gameshow - 1987

I put on Deathrow Gameshow with the intention that I was not going to watch the whole thing.  Watch the first 20-30 minutes or so, I thought, and get it out of the way.  Save myself some torture later.

However, this is a movie that I also had known the name of because I've ran across it on IMDb and on lists of all sorts before.  I guess it has a bit of a following, because I have heard about it for literally years.

It's sad that I know this cover art so well.

The first thing I noticed about the movie that kept me watching, it is a comedy.  A comedy where, early on in the movie I actually laughed, hard, at a joke they made.  I believe it was some of the fake commercials.  I dunno man, I am a fan of fake commercials. 

From there we get the story of a Robocop-esque future where things are slightly same and slightly different, the differences for a lot of comedic effect.  Humanity has now decided to go full blown into their violent and overbearing ways.  Deaths are now shown on TV, and in fact our main character Chuck runs a TV show where death row inmates take place in competitions where it's either live or die.  Chuck has his life threatened every day, but when gangster Luigi Pappalardo comes after him, his life might actually be in danger.

I was going to watch about 20 minutes, I watched the whole thing.  It wasn't funny the whole way through, but there was some humor, enough to keep me going.  There was also nudity, likable characters, and enough nonsense along the way to make your night stay entertaining.  This would be a good friends hanging out movie, drinky smoky movie, or midnight movie at a theater.

Scarecrows - 1988

I thought for a minute this was another movie I'd already seen.  I confused this with Dark Night of the Scarecrow, which I saw all the way back in my first month of this blog in 2015.  Man....I'm coming up on doing this for 5 years.  Holy shit bruh.

Scarecrows stars Ted Vernon, an actor who I don't know.  It doesn't star anyone else, however considering those facts the acting was not bad.  Scarecrows is a horror movie, and I was in a horror movie mood last night, and you know what....  it ain't half bad.

A bunch of criminals are on a hijacked airplane flying away from a bank robbery where they got 3 million dollars.  As they escape, one of them turns on the others, grabbing the money and jumping from the flight while they pass over some middle-of-nowhere type place.  He lands in a old cornfield, full of scarecrows and an abandoned house.  His band of thieves circles around to get their money back, but at the same time, the one who landed starts hearing weird noises and voices coming from the corn field...

I liked this movie.  It wasn't full of good deaths, or gory or classic feeling for a slasher, but it was weird and off kilter and creepy.  They did get a particular atmosphere going here, and the characters are all memorable and somewhat likable.  They made a choice to have some of the characters actually show a bit of development, and they also made the criminals different enough to not entirely blend together.

You may not leave the viewing of this talking about it or even remembering a lot of it, but while you're watching, it entertains.  It might be one of the better "killer scarecrow" movies out there, considering there are not that many.  I'll give it a 3ish, average rating.

Casablanca Express - 1989

Donald Pleasence stars...  okay, Donald Pleasence doesn't star.  Donald Pleasence is in this actioner from the late 80's, a movie which I guessed was from the earlier 80's.  It looks pretty old on the boxset.  Jason Connery is the hero in this one.

I put this on last night cause it was next after...whatever the fuck I watched last.  The Mormon movie.  I watched this one, and here's a general thought on the 80's boxset so far:

I'm not a big fan so far.  These late 80's movies are all trying too hard, and the early 80's movies are just bad.  These movies are spread out in terms of plot and type, but so far not a good movie.  Shadows in the Storm is probably the best so far!  It had the best pacing, the best acting, and the most actual intrigue.

This movie is about a train carrying Winston Churchill that's going to a conference somewhere.  The bad guy Germans get wind of this and they plant dynamite on the train, and good guy Jason Connery as Alan Cooper is the only one who knows this, so it's up to him to stop it.  He gets sent in solo to do so, and the movie is his best effort to stop the train and save the president...

Aaaannd, it's pretty okay.  It was certainly slow sometimes, it wasn't greatly paced, but it had some decent action parts towards the end especially, and it has a ticking clock that's done well.  There is a part at the end where the Germans are shooting up the train, and the amount of characters that we know who are shot was very high.  It was nice to not just have anonymous randos shot who we don't care about, but rather the guy we've seen several times.

Pleasence is one of the British commandos in charge, and he's in about 6 scenes total, mumbling nonsense dialogue about this or that.  It's not even a film for Pleasence completists like myself.  Directed by Sergio Martino who did Hands of Steel and Alligator, it's competent enough and not amateur feeling, but it certainly isn't a great movie by any stretch.  I've given both of those around 3 stars, and I'll give this 2.5 stars.

Savage Journey - 1983

Well, I certainly would not have chosen to watch this.  Twisted Obsession, yeah, I could get behind it maybe.  Some of these others, sure.  Why not.  But a 80's movie about Mormons?  Nah.

I've probably made this clear by now, but I am not a religious man at all.  I don't give a flying fuck about religion, I don't believe in god, and I honestly don't think there's any real evidence Jesus ever existed in the first place.

All that aside, it's interesting to see a story of Mormons that is not about Joseph Smith and his founding of the religion, but rather a journey when the religion was young.  It is about the Mormons going from place to place, facing persecution, facing hatred, and their struggles with this as they progress through maybe 10-15 years.

We follow Joseph Smith's main man Brigham Young as our main character.  Brigham is a farmer turned religious leader, and he talks the talk and walks the walk as he guides the Mormons from somewhere to Illinois, to Utah, and the different obstacles they face at each place. Along the way we are also shown some of what Mormons believe in.

The movie is about what you'd expect.  It's acted decently, it has a nice little story I guess.  Being historical and probably based on religious writing, some of the details are glossed over and we never get a feeling for WHY a lot of these things happen, they just DO happen.  There is no explanation in the movie for why the Mormons are disliked for example, and I assume this movie was possibly made for the Mormons?  Cause I doubt many people who don't know the Mormon history will understand what is happening a lot of the time.

As a casual moviegoer, like I say I don't think this is for me.  But as a movie, it is slow, it has nothing horrible about it, but it certainly isn't good.  I will give it 1.5 stars I guess.

Twisted Obsession - 1989

Okay, so I just finished this movie and there are a few of these that make me really wanna take to the internet.  I want to know if this was a French director, I want to know about financing, and I want to know why and how Jeff Goldblum is in this movie.

I watched Crawl, La Llorona, and then this in a marathon.  Rainy day in Idaho.  Winter is here.

Twisted Obsession stars Jeff Goldblum as a writer who is working on a movie for a new young director.  They have some great script, and Goldblum believes in this kid as the director, but there are naturally issues to arise and complicate our movie.  Among the issues is the directors younger sister, a nubile little thing that likes Goldblum.

This reminds me right away of Shadows in the Storm, because it's the same idea genesis.  Older weird guy getting the hot young girl and she likes him, and thus complication is born into his life.  In this, the girl is all over Goldblum and not just trying to get something from him, at least it seems so, and he's going right along with it.

Primarily, that's it.  It's not until way later the reality of the plot comes into focus, and the last 20 minutes goes a bit off the rails.  It's one of those that saved everything for the very end while it had a meandering, unfocused first hour.  Thanks guys.  Way to do it.

However, it's also a movie that makes you interested, drags you into it, and ideas start zapping through your head.  I thought of some movie ideas while I viewed this, primarily for horror movies, but hey it still counts.

This is certainly lesser known, it probably has it's die hard fans but really this is a strange blip on Goldblums IMDb, surely done because he wanted to do something different and unique.  It doesn't feel Hollywood, I will give it that.  It also doesn't feel like a "good movie" though it surely had good parts.  It feels uneven, it feels a bit predictable, and it even feels unclear at times despite the straight forward plot.

Also, there are parts of this in French, and these Mill Creek boxsets don't have or offer subtitles.  Nice.  I'll just guess what they said.  I don't really care, tbh.  There is also a shot of a shaved vagina in this, and that gets most of the focus when people talk about this online.  It's a split second shot, but it is strange, so I guess we're supposed to talk about it.

It tries, it succeeds sometimes, and surely that is worth around 3 stars.

Laser Mission - 1989

I may have gone a bit crazy when I went off on Reb Brown for all his Vietnam films and various action nonsense. Lotsa bad actors are in action flicks. Case in point Brandon Lee.

I say bad actors, and I mean, I like Brandon Lee. I loved The Crow, I think he's charming, he's definitely good-looking, and he's just likeable somehow. He has charisma. But he is certainly not a good actor. Especially in this piece of shit film.

Laser Mission has all the ingredients of a stupid B action movie from the late 80s. It has Ernest Borgnine, it has Brandon Lee, it has some nameless bland female that he's paired with, it has a ridiculous but amazing title, it has some bad guy with some stupid plot I don't remember, and it has lots and lots and lots of really awful music. Literally the same song played again and again and again at random times throughout the movie.

This movie is exactly the type of thing that would make one realize that action movies can be a pretty lifeless genre when they're bad. They exist entirely on charisma and they exist on something being the It factor. When there is no It factor there is no movie.   It's very hard to describe what that can be, but it can be multiple different things. This movie has none of them.

It's not that bad, it's not going to hurt you, but it's certainly not a good movie and there's a lot of other things that I would rather watch. I've actually seen this movie about three times at different points in my life for some stupid reason. RiffTrax made a riff of this movie, and its generally well-known. Mostly because of Brandon Lee. But really it deserves no more than one and a half star.

Bail Out - 1989

I forgot the title to this movie about 4-5 times now.  That's not all I forgot.  I will also be guessing at plot lines, character motivations, and just about every other detail with this one.

I put on Bail Out because my DVD remote didn't have batteries, so I had to watch the first movie on a disc from the 80s set.  Couldn't select another movie, ya dig?  So I read through all the descriptions of the first movies on the discs, and I chose this because it starred Linda Blair and it was late 80s.  If you're a movie goer, you know that later in her career she was doing a lot of nudity and horror movies, so I watched this hoping for some titties.

Something that we never see in this movie, but I can see thanks to internets.

Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff star in this cop action movie about something or other.  I honestly don't remember the plot.  My friend was texting me during the film, asked what is it about.  I texted back, "some stupid cops or something."  I'm literally not even gonna google what this movie was about.  

It was dumb, predictable, no nudity, and the "funny" Mexican guy was annoying.  I give it half a star.

Psycho Sheep of Butte - 2006

Thanksgiving, 2019. I am spending this Thanksgiving in Butte Montana, a place I've never spent Thanksgiving before. My aunt Lucy has lived here for 10 years. And last night, she showed me a local video made here with her friend in a bit role.

Psycho Sheep of Butte is a indie, black and white comedy flick that was surprisingly budgeted decently and has moments of alright acting even. It stars no one and the director has no other credits.

Plot-wise the main character is a taxidermist who is in debt, and on his way to sell a taxidermy aardvark. It begins as a road movie which is his journey to the town where he's going to sell the thing, and along the way he encounters strange characters in strange circumstances. Thrown into that is there are sheep that are killing people, and somehow perhaps connected, a guy in a black robe who is ambiguous in intent.

There are moments of actual comedy in the film, I laughed perhaps a dozen times. It's not as bad as one might think. There's even decent CGI and it's not unwatchable. It is overly long and it got boring at some points. I would think if you're going to make an indie movie it doesn't always have to be 90 minutes?

It did make me wonder what makes a cult film, this has all the ingredients that I could imagine and it certainly has charm. It's kind of a wonder how things like this go completely unnoticed and under the radar, while other things explode. What's the deal with that anyways? I give this a decent two stars.

Spider Labyrinth - 1988

Going back to my list of movies I want to see.  What I do is, if they are on youtube, I just knock em out. Watch them.  Finally.  After who knows how long they've been on there, waiting for me.

So my first impression with this movie in particular is that I thought when I put this on the list that it was Japanese.  I remember thinking this was a Japanese or otherwise Asian horror movie, and that was one of the reasons I had wanted to see it.  I see now that it is actually Italian, and that makes it just one more 80's Italian horror flick.

Alan Whitmore is a young hot professor visiting Budapest, and he gets involved with some secret book containing information.  He starts investigating it, and it leads towards a cult or a mystery of sorts, and there's spiders everywhere, and...yeah, this one, plot was not so well defined.

Basically it's an excuse to have spiders and women getting nude, and I am all for any excuse to do those two things.  It is very plodding though, and also just felt talky even though it probably didn't have ALL that much dialogue in it.  The majority of things don't happen until around the 30-45 minute mark, and even the nudity (which you arguably shouldn't have to wait until the plot kicks into gear to see) doesn't come until way into the movie.

This had been on the list for a long time, and I'm glad it's done, but honestly I probably never should have had it on there in the first place.  I'll give it a 2.5 though, and say others might like it more.

Blunt the Fourth Man - 1985

So next I watched the actual Blunt the Fourth Man.  Again, I assume a comma.  Or a semi-colon.  "Hey bro pass me that Blunt" the Fourth Man stars Anthony Hopkins and probably other people in a story of some British guys who are trying desperately to hide something.

In the beginning of Blunt, we have a preamble about Communists and soon enough we are introduced to Blunt.  Blunt is a stuffy British man, and he's in a position of power in the British society.  I think he was a teacher or something.  Anthony Hopkins is Guy, a rascal type dude who sorta holds power over Blunt.

I would continue, but honestly I didn't track this movie super well and I don't really know what happened too much.  I get it, it's about these guys that signed up for the Communist Party before it was evil and now some of them are being tracked down and that's all bad and shit.  But what really happened, for the 80 something minutes I watched it?  I'd be hard pressed to remember.

The Swingin Seventies.  The Excellent Eighties.  When they eventually release a 90's boxset, what will they call it?  The Naughty Nineties?

Shadows in the Storm - 1988

I'm doing something mildly different with these next reviews.  You see, I "moved out to the cabin" finally, and while that might mean nothing to you, to me it means no internet, no distractions, and an 80's boxset we heard once about before and now we get tossed into.

What the fuck is with this title?  Is there a comma here?  See, this is the other part about these next reviews.  No, absolutely zero, internet information.  I can't browse the wikipedia or the imdb about the directors and the actors and such.  I can tell you from my memory that this was Ned Beatty and Mia Sara and Michael Madson.  I can tell you the plot, later.  But I can't tell you why the stupid name makes sense (or doesn't).

Blunt the Fourth Man has a plot we've seen before.  This is the one where the girl strings the clueless guy along with promises of sex and romance while she gets what she needs or wants from him.  In this, Ned Beatty is a blissfully unattractive and unlikable guy named Theo (Thelonius or something) and Mia Sara is the irresistible beauty that he's gonna wrassle with.  Michael Madson is the seemingly unconnected hotel keeper where they meet.

The best part of this movie is the fact we legitimately dislike Thelonius because he's a gross guy, and so when we would normally see Mia Sara as the baddy, instead we see him as a partial baddy this time.  It's quite noticeable really, and I liked the turns therein and I liked the acting.  Ned Beatty may be an ugly motherfucker, but he's a good actor.

The whole thing revolved around her making him believe they killed her husband, and then making him fall in love with her, and eventually extracting money from him.  One question...what if they pulled this on a guy with no money?  From my memory they never really established our fat loner main character had cash...?

Anyways, it strikes all the needed marks and it does what it's supposed to.  I may have even liked it.  In fact, I would say it was legit okay.  I'll give it a good 3.

Note: I watched this under the impression that this was called Blunt the Fourth Man.  It wasn't.  That's the next movie.  I could change the review, and it would make sense to change it.  But, I'm not going to.  Fuck it.

To All Goodnight - 1980

One of these days, I am going to legitimately see all of the well known Christmas horror movies.  I know I'm a bit early here for Christmas but I didn't see anything at all for Halloween, so fuck it.  Well, technically I watched part of Hocus Pocus.  Btw it holds up, classic Halloween film.

So, shit.  What is this...  This is another Christmas horror movie, Santa is killing stupid teenagers, and it's incredibly bad picture quality on youtube.  From wikipedia "Due to the film's poor lighting, many scenes have been hard to see in VHS quality."  Imagine VHS then sourced to fucking youtube, transferred to my TV and me sitting there watching it on a Wednesday night in Sandpoint Idaho.

A couple things I didn't mind in this.  They make some of their character likable, and the nerdy kid especially was great with some growth and they actually made the nerd get laid, yes!  Nice!  Also, the kills were not great but at least there's a lot of them, so shit I guess it can have points.

But altogether I have not much to say about it.  It's pretty lame, tbh.

Operation Ganymed - 1977

If I have pretty much limitless time to myself and opportunity I can at least get in some fuckin movie reviews.  I can at least do one thing I know I enjoy.  I can at least watch Operation Ganymed.

Operation Ganymed is from my legendary list of movies I want to see, and it was filed under a section titled "Okay, Seriously".  These are the movies I am actually interested in, not just cause they sound insane or stupid or insanely stupid.  These are the movies which, knowing me, I should like.

German, 70's, starring blog favorite Horst Frank, Jurgen Prochnow and Dieter Laser.  I didn't recognize Horst Frank at all.  This movie is the story of a space expedition that lands on Earth after many years up in space.  The five astronauts on the trip haven't been able to get back in touch with Earth for a little while, and they land in the ocean.  They make their way to shore, all the while unable to reach anyone and seeing no one.  Confused, they begin to make their way towards where a city should be, but still hearing from no one, the isolation is becoming hard to ignore....

I liked this movie.  Lets get this out of the way here.  I liked the strangeness of the way it was shot and edited, I liked the wacky music, I liked the jarring unexplained parts even.  Early on, one of the five astronauts somehow gets separated and then reappears outta nowhere.  I still have no idea what happened there, with that guy, or with his reappearance.  I assume I wasn't paying close enough attention.

This movie has that trademark surreal feel to it, and over the course of the film we are also shown some of what happened on their expedition to Jupiter.  It did not go well, spoiler alert I guess.  The interactions between the astronauts are one of the major focuses of the film, and of course the way they all individually come to terms with their situation, with their own immanent deaths, and with the disappointment and conflict that arises among them.

People tend to give this disfavorable reviews.  You guys, what do you need, honestly?  It's fucking fine.  This movie, honestly, was pretty awesome.  It is well acted, the events pan out in ways I didn't see coming, and the eerie strangeness is enough to keep one interested regardless.  Need I point out the cast again, which was totally in for this 100%?  It was not amazing, not even essential, but it's a great sci fi entry for those who want something a bit darker and obscure.  I give it 4.

The Killing Hour - 1985

If I haven't mentioned it already, expect a massive massive amount of time between posts here.  I would say "blog over" but let's face it, I am never going to be there.  Instead, One Day I will just disappear, and you'll be left in wonder if I died or wtf is happening.

Also known as "The Clairvoyant"

Rather than go plot first, I want to explain why I liked this movie first.  First of all, good actors and likably written characters are always good.  A genuine interesting mystery is second.  Deaths, not too gruesome, but somewhat shocking and really well thought out are here too.  There is a bit of sexual hijinks going on, coupled with the fact there is nudity of men and women but not normally presented in a sexual way  Yo, guys, having nudity in your film but managing to make it unappealing: that's usually the sign of a good director.

The soundtrack is good, the shots are fine, the plotting of the thing and the pace are all decent.  Honestly, I would have a hard time finding something about this I did not like.  I didn't like how they set the main girl up with both the cop and the TV host, but that was arguably necessary and it is a very small henpeck of a note.

So plotwise, some random people are all being killed with one link, they are all murdered with handcuffs being involved.  The best kill in the movie is when a guy is swimming and his ankle gets cuffed to the bottom rung of a ladder.  It's a super chilling sequence where I legitimately wondered what would go through your mind as you decide you're going to die, struggling in bare instinct on a metal chain as you float between life and death.  It was brutal.

A cop named Weeks who sidelines as a stand up comedian is hot on the case, and TV host Mac releases to the public the knowledge this guy uses the cuffs.  Virna Nightborne is the insanely named clairvoyant who is seeing images from the kills...and no...they don't ever come close to explaining that, which I guess is a plot hole but come on.  It's a movie people.

Anyways, it gets complicated but like I said, it was super well done.  I knew it would be good when they had the cop be a comedian on the side.  And that is how we're introduced to him.  When you give your character depth?  When you write comedy that's actually decent?  When you take the time to show some of Mac's rowing regiment, but its not bland filler?  These are the small choices that make your B grade slasher/horror a 4, maybe even 4.5 star flick.  I really liked it.  I dunno.

Savage Streets - 1984

Linda Blair makes a triumphant return to this site, in a classic 80's rape-and-revenge thriller which is also the only movie to have both Linda Blair and Linnea Quigley.  So set your eyes to maximum wideness because you know that means nudity galore.

Seriously, it's not that much.  There isn't a lot in the beginning, but eventually when there's the girls shower scene, well, this movie makes up for it.  We are talking about 30 fully nude women, many many breasts, many asses.  Full on pubic hair is in this movie multiple times, and Linda Blair even goes topless later for a more intimate, mature nude scene.

So it's a basic rape and revenge movie.  Linnea Quigley plays a young deaf mute woman, and this gang of thugs decides to rape and beat her.  It's initiation time see, and the newest gangmember has to prove his stuff by participating in this whole thing.  Linnea Quigley plays the part well, and the scene is pretty harsh, and Linda Blair as the sister is outraged.  Later, the chief gang leader Jake crosses the line by killing Linda Blair's friend, and Linda learns of this, and is now out for revenge.  So actually I guess this is a rape, murder and revenge thriller.

Savage Streets marks a true 80's movie.  Excessive sexuality, ridiculous stars and over acting, and all for what, a basic plot?  It's obvious when this movie came out.  Not in a negative way really, I'm just saying it's pretty insane the difference between this and something earlier or something later.

It's probably in the "unessential" side of things, but it's fun for the nudity, for the actors, and for a quick background type movie.  I will give it....2 stars.

The Shout - 1978

What the fuck am I watching these days?  What is the deal?  And how do all these movies even exist?  Man, I can't wait for this synopsis.

Rachel and Anthony Fielding are married, just average folks living their lives.  Anthony is a musician, and I guess and pretty avant garde one at that, because he only seems to be recording weird noises.  Bugs, wind, tin cans, etc.  Rachel is your average underdeveloped unemployed wife character, but it's also Susannah York who we just saw in Images, so that was pretty cool.

Soon enough they encounter a man, Charles Crossley, and he befriends and begins to stay with the two of them.  He spent some time with Aborigines and I think some time in a mental institution where Tim Curry works, but anyways, eventually tells Anthony that he has the ability to yell in such a way - to shout - and kill people from this. He also has other abilities, and uses them to start to seduce Rachel and to screw with Anthony's life.

This movie was, obviously, pretty fucking weird.  It ranks up there with the weirder 70's art house movies I've watched and my primary thought was, "why haven't I heard of this or seen it already?"  Also, "how in the world of fuck did this movie get made?!"  Honestly, it's got John Hurt,  Susannah York, Alan Bates, and Tim Curry.  It's not a huge budget, but excellently shot, and super weird.

It's mostly a slow burn drama with a lot of talking, but not in a bad way, and not so slow you want to shoot yourself.  It has a weird otherness to it, it has that unclear ambiguity and dreamlike quality.  The sequence of events leading up to the titular shout is really cool, and filmed way out in the beach.  There's a lot of odd memorable parts of this, even though I don't know what to think of it now.  It was definitely an oddball, and I will give it 3 stars.

Highway 61 - 1991

I was walking through West Oakland a few weeks ago when I found the gold mine.  The gold mine, for me, is anything that people leave at their curb.  Finding free shit is one of my biggest joys, and I indulged greatly, sifting through the discarded goods.  I found an entire box of VHS and of course took the entire thing.  And in that box was a VHS of Highway 61.

I watched this movie with my friend Matt.  We were a bit drunk, a bit out of it, and we had just watched a Tales from the Crypt VHS (also in the box I found).  We decided "lets watch something good" and put this on without knowing what it was....  and we were both very surprised.

Highway 61 is a Canadian comedy film, sort of a romantic comedy, if your idea of romance is askew and your sense of comedy is dark.  The film was independently produced, and although all the people involved have many IMDb credits, I hadn't heard of or seen any of them ever before.

Don McKellar plays Pokey, a very nondescript barber who discovers a body in a bathtub in his back yard.  Soon enough a girl named Jackie shows up and claims that the dead man is her brother.  She wants to take him to New Orleans to be buried, but has no way of getting there.  An attraction exists between the two of them, and soon enough Pokey agrees to drive her there.  In the meantime, a guy proclaiming himself to be Satan is hot on their trail to claim the dead man's soul.

Re-read that last sentence.  I think the best part of this entire movie is the bizarre level of weirdness that it has and the offbeat, unexpected turns it takes along the way.  There are a ton of super memorable moments in this movie, whether its the graveyard sex scene, the accents of the characters, the zaniness of Satan and his bingo scene, or the undeniable chemistry between the leading characters.  This movie had me at zero expectations.  And it surprised the hell out of me.

Sometimes you go into something and you're pleasantly surprised.  Sometimes you're thrilled.  But sometimes, you're almost changed for life.  This movie, honestly, was awesome.  I feel like it spoke to me in a very different way than anything else I have seen recently.  I absolutely loved it, and so did my friend Matt.  We talked about it for a really long time afterwards.  I give this movie 5 stars.  I might be overselling it but seriously, absolutely loved it.

Fuck it, I'm just going crazy with these.

Monster in the Closet - 1986

Troma is up there in terms of bad movie distributors.  There are bad movie directors, bad movie studios, bad movie actors certainly, but there's not a lot of other companies known solely for distributing these awful flicks.  Of course, I speak primarily of their bad movies, but they had some decent movies in there as well, locked away, hidden, and obscured.

I guess Troma's best known feature is The Toxic Avenger.  One day I should rewatch Toxie.  I saw it in high school and I don't think I've ever seen it since.  I got introduced to Toxic Avenger and to Troma by my friend Ben, and that motherfucker I haven't even seen in like 16 or more years, so you're getting a taste for how long ago I saw Toxie.

Monster in the Closet is one of the movies that Troma did not make, they just distributed.  I think at this time they were distribution only, none of their own stuff?  I have no idea really.  Anyways, Monster in the Closet must've had some money, and I'm guessing it was from the director, who has a ton of credits as a second unit director.  They got Claude Akins, John Carradine and Harry Gibson to be in this movie somehow, and the actual actors help a lot.  Also, a kid Paul Walker is in this?!

Other than that, I am on a miniature roll right now of watching movies set in San Francisco!  And I'm doing this without even meaning to, this and Beyond the Door I had no idea were filmed around here.  This one had an actual scene at the TransAmerica Building, and a scene where it looked like it was probably on Columbus Street.  My old work neighborhood!

Basically the simple premise of this is set in the beginning; somehow a monster can seemingly appear in about any closet anywhere at any time, and kill someone there.  Relatively early, it is seen by the world and verified that yes, people are going to be knowing and believing this is a real monster, and then from there, that it's basically indestructible.  Various methods to kill it are made while in the meantime the main characters lead a group of people that are involved in all this.

This movie was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be.  It is a horror comedy by intention, and I found a few parts mildly amusing as well.  Near the end, spoiler alert, they decide the only way to stop the monster is to destroy all the closets!  No closets no monster right?  I thought that was a brilliant move and a very funny sequence.  Shit, did I like this?  I guess I did huh.  Goddamn.

It's a bit uneven at times, but overall it's very well done.  It has heart and the monster suit is also great, it's silly but also practical effects and it's even slightly scary.  Shit, I'd be scared if I was a kid.  It works in other words.  I dunno.  I feel bad for giving this four stars, but uh....  I will anyways?

Images - 1972

I'm throwing in the odd "good movie" again here.  I am entitled to do it every once in a while.  And I am not very versed in Robert Altman.  Looking through his movies, I see that I know Gosford Park and Prairie Home Companion from my movie theater job experience.  We played Prairie Home Companion, and I don't believe I saw it.

Robert Altman was nominated for seven Oscars in his life, making him one of the most nominated people in this blog.  He is well known in many film circles and many consider him "one of the greats".  Images also has music by Academy Award winner John Williams, and cinematography by Academy Award winner Vilmos Zsigmond. This movie has all the right people in it, including actor Rene Auberjonois and Susanna York.

Susanna York plays Cathryn, a young newly married woman.  She is clearly delusional from the beginning, and it makes me think early on:  when your main character's crazy from moment one, it makes you wonder how the movie will keep the illusion of reality.  She sees a duplicate of her very early on, walking around, and she begins to see an old lover of hers at about minute 20.

The movie walks a line of having a untrustworthy narrator, and as I often do during movies such as this, I find myself wondering "what is happening in reality?"  I guess that is the intention, and to make you think certain things will happen, or certain things won't.  I am having an interesting time writing the plot to this, because I don't want to give too much away, but here goes, maybe some slight spoiler warnings here....

Susanna is seeing her old lover, Rene appear randomly, and she's seeing a double of her husbands friend (and apparently her old lover) Marcel.  She begins to have conflict with them, wondering why they're there, if they're real, and what to do about it.  Sometimes she will see these doubles instead of whoever she is actually talking to as well.  It's all about as confusing as it sounds, but it's well done enough to make it watchable and not a clusterfuck.

Intermixed in all this is fantastic, abstract cinematography, creepy music, strange constant allusions to jingling bells and turning wheels, and intense dread.  They nailed a creepy, atmospheric presence to this film.  There is also a really nice choice here to have a highly sexual plot, but to keep the nudity to a near absolute zero, except in one scene where it is done for a horror effect.  This movie was quite expertly made, that much is apparent.

Critics were unsure of it, marketers were baffled, and the movie was basically a bomb.  It's not shocking to see why.  It's a bit confusing, a bit long, and at one point I felt myself wondering, "Is anything going to happen in this movie at all?"  Despite all that, I'm glad to have watched it, and I give it 4, or maybe even 4.5 stars.

What do you think of THIS awful graphic?  Pretty classy huh?

Murder on Flight 502 - 1975

You might ask what I'm doing watching a made for TV movie from the 70's now that the boxset is dead.  I don't know.  I have no explanation for you, but you know what, this one was pretty bad and worthy of the set so put it this way:  I'm reliving my innocent age.

I noticed the cast of this right away.  Farrah Fawcett when she was married to Lee Majors,  Sonny Bono, Walter Pidgeon, Danny Bonaduce and Robert Stack.  I immediately assumed this was good, and it showed a producing credit by Aaron Spelling, so I knew this at least was maybe mildly good.  Yo, get with the names son.  You gotta know your 70's shit.

What we have here is a murder mystery that takes at least 20 minutes to get to the mystery and another 30 to get to the murder.  Honestly, 45 minutes or so in I exclaimed aloud, "Is anyone gonna fucking die in this movie?!"  I was in a moment of pure boredom, and there are a few of those in the movies, however there are also moments of true intrigue and moments or wondering what will happen next.

So it begins and we're on a giant 747 flying from New York to London.  Piloted by Airplane actor and generally typecast no-nonsense Robert Stack, the flight is all business and good business at that.  We have on board a rockstar played by Sonny Bono, Danny Bonaduce as a privileged 13 year old millionaire, Farrah Fawcett as an airline stewardess, Ralph Bellamy as a doctor, and George Maharis as a the only cop, 60,000 feet high over the ocean...

Back at flight control, they receive a note that was supposed to reach them the next day, it states, "as you know, deaths occurred on the flight"  So now everyone is keyed into the supposed deaths that will happen on this flight.  We follow the cop, the doctor, the musician, an old woman, a stewardess, a priest, basically anybody as we wonder "who is the killer"  The movie leads us this way and that, throwing shade on one person then another while we wait (mildly bored) for the first killing to occur.

Like I said, there are moments where I got caught up in it.  It's way too much talking for anyone to really care too much, but they do a good job balancing dialogue with intrigue for the most part.  It tends to drag because it literally saves all the deaths for near the end, when there's no need.  They tried to hard to have a "reason" for all the deaths, and they didn't think about what would keep the audience really interested.  But still, characters are likable and things keep chugging along until everything comes to a typically overdone final few moments.

What do you want for your made for TV movie?  It made me wonder, and I'm gonna google this:  What is considered the BEST made for TV movie?  Duel, being an early Steven Spielberg is immediately in the ranking.  I'm also getting a lot of HBO stuff, which frankly, I don't count.  Anyways.  An interesting question (or is it?)  I give this a 3.

Skinner - 1993

What's this movie about anyways, the tough no-nonsense FBI director from The X-Files?  Skinner, leading the FBI and dealing with Mulder and Scully mostly through dialogue with his superiors?  They are never really seen, maybe a shot of their empty office as he walks by, contemplating what he'll have to do with those envelope pushers?

Skinner is a low budget, independently made thriller film.  Much like the last review on here, it's elevated by a few unique details in there, including the music and performances.  Rikki Lake, Ted Raimi, and Traci Lords all turn in performances designed to sell the piece, and despite some clear overacting from Lords and Raimi, it all somehow works with the material.

The material in this case would be a story of a psychopathic killer who is moving from spot to spot killing women.  And that reminds me of how I was going to originally start this review:

The Silence of the Lambs.  Psycho.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Deranged.  Motel Hell.  How many fucking movies have been inspired by real life killer Ed Gein?  It's a lot.  To cut to the answer.

The point of all of this is that this is another movie inspired by the serial killer and grave robber, and it's the whole "making a suit of human skin" thing in Silence of the Lambs and living with one's dead mother thing that was seen in Psycho.  These are the things Gein did and in Skinner, he's making the suit himself.  He kills prostitutes and takes their skin, while constantly talking to himself about whatever random bullshit happens to be on his mind.

I haven't reviewed a lot of 90's films on this blog and at first I was reminded why.  The immediate feel is so vastly different from what I am used to.  The grungy-ness, the music, the style, the in-your-face feel of this.  The music was what turned me off first, with a breath-sounding overdone song that grates on your a bit.  It's all well and good, in the end, but I forgot how ridiculous (and /or awesome) some of these 90's movies feel.

I fell down a wikipedia rabbit hole just now, sorry.  I'm back.  Anyways, Ted Raimi is hunted by a morphine addicted prostitute played by Traci Lords, while in the meantime Ted forms the first real relationship he's had with his new roommate played by Rikki Lake.  Hooray?

I liked this more than I should've.  It spends far too long with Ted Raimi's serial killer guy, and he overacts a lot, but it's also shitty material and I'm sure it's not all his fault.  I think it's still a fun movie, indicative of the time in which it came out, and it's currently free on Amazon, so...you know.