Monday, March 14, 2016

Click: The Calendar Girl Killer - 1990

So if you are gonna make a supposed slasher horror film, and if you're going to have nudity, are you going to wait until near the hour mark to show anyone dying, or to show any of that nudity?  Yeah okay, you don't necessarily have to start the movie with a bloodbath involving nude girls, but an hour is a long time to wait for something to happen, especially if your movie is under an hour and a half long.

Most of this movie is a lot of stupid setting up for these over the top ridiculous photo shoots.  You have a photographer who takes photos for a calendar (I guess) and he has a few girls that are gonna pose for it.  He takes them out to places and does these elaborate as fuck set-ups to the photo shoots, and the girls stand there in bikinis trying to look sexy, or dangerous, or whatever, but mostly succeed in looking stupid.  All the ridiculous ideas for photo shoots are represented here:  girls with guns, girls with 80's hairdo's, girls with chainsaws, dressed up as pirates...virtually everything except naked girls!  Which I would assume are the sell-point to calendars like this.

Like I said it's scant on the nudity.  This whole movie feels like the kind of a thing that might have been, that should have been, interesting - except it wasn't.  There's a perfect scene that's also an analogy for the entire film.  At one point these two guys are getting in some macho fight next to a pool.  One of the girls that's there seems more interested in the fact that she ran out of shitty beer than the actual fight itself.  It's like that the entire movie: instead of watching what should be fun and entertaining (the fight) you kinda just wanna get drunk and pass out.

Click's story-line is barely there, it's following the photographer and the girls who he photographs, it's then given a body count in the later half of the film when the killer in a nurse costume shows up and starts hunting people.  The best part of the entire movie is the odd photography setups that are employed.  A lot of times I had to wonder if they were just trying to justify having some weird ass shit going on to keep audiences interested while the plot did nothing.

When the kills finally do happen, they're a few mindless, gore-less, devoid of entertainment scenes that will leave you wondering, "was this what I was waiting for?"  I guess I don't mean to rag on this movie too much, it's just that I wasn't quite in the right mood for it, and now as I type this review I am definitely not in the right mood and feel like bitching about things.  It could be said this has those so-bad-it's-good qualities, but they are few and far between, and it's the exact same amount as fun as leafing through some old 70's magazines with drunk friends.  Occasionally one of you has something funny to say about a picture or article, but mostly you're just waiting till it's over, then you skip the last few pages cause you're all over it.

For some strange photo sequences, and a memorable killer, I still give it 2 stars.

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