Alls Well, Ends Well - 1991

 Stephen Chow could have arguably one of the front runners of Asian comedy at one point. I’m going to see if any of good recent stuff has even been released in the US. No not really. He pretty much disappeared after Kung Fu Hustle. 

Alls Well was back before his real western breakthrough, at a time when likely this wasn’t distributed much in the US beyond Asian stores. It also exemplifies the style of some Hong Kong comedies of the 80s and 90s in its high energy and completely off the wall delivery and style. 

The story is a somewhat ethereal love woe thing involving Chow, a seemingly gay or maybe just effeminate guy, and a third older married man whose relationship is dry after 14 years. They all face tumultuous difficulties in their relationships. In Chow’s case falling out of a window and hurting his brain in a way that makes him act bizarre. The older guy has a mistress that’s discovered, the gay guy needs to tap into masculine energy. 

These are the stories but they’re all loose to put it mildly. It’s a ridiculous romp of shenanigans, physical humor, deception and differing values. People make mistakes, they make bizarre judgement calls, all sorts of shit goes on. And that’s just how it is. 

The subtitles were certainly all over the place and made me think about the rule of the English language. We say “I have to” and not “I’ve to”. Why? I’ve is I have. Why don’t we say that? Anyways that sorta shit abounds in these quite entertaining subtitles. 

I’d say the lack of a story is a slight misstep and the comedy is all one tone as the detractors in this movie. It doesn’t hurt it too much but it just keeps it in a certain realm. I recommend Wheels on Meals for grade A, this is like grade B-.  So you know; 3 stars. 

A Virgin Among the Living Dead - 1973

 I'm more than a little surprised given what all was going on that none of these had been straight out basic porn as of yet.  That ends here.

"This movie is legitimate, right?"

Also known as Christina princesse de l'érotisme, and Zombie 4. This movie exists in a multitude of ways, some with additional footage from different movies spliced in to either add blood or nudity depending on where you were watching it. I wonder which version I watched.

This plot is basically another of these tried and true versions, much like Anthropophagus.  This is "someone inherits a place and creepy things are happening there."  This time its rampant nudity, hints at lesbianism, and undead shenanigans that are happening.

That’s all happening for the first almost hour until at around minute 50 it abruptly changes and you get a borderline experimental dream segment of insane creepiness, eerie music, and the undead raising from the grave. I was actually shocked at how good the sequence was and how effective it is and how long it goes on… and feels like something completely out of a different film. I don’t mean to over hype but this alone wants to make it a 5 star film. 

A complete mixed bag, but the sex stuff works and the dream sequence works. I give this like a decent enough 3.5 I guess. 

Dawn of the Mummy - 1980

 Also known as Zombie 6.  Also, again, a Video Nasty.

I might be done.  I have been unable to find Revenge in the House of Usher...(moments later) okay I just found it online however I'm going to proceed because I may or may not actually get around to watching it on my laptop cuz FUCK that.  We'll see.

Dawn of the Mummy is stepping into one of my favorite subcategories, Egypt lore.  Some people are killed with poison gas, cut to the future and a crew of explorers the tomb and unknowingly raise the dead mummies to now begin coming after folks.  It's interesting to me that the line between mummy and zombie is quite thin, yet again I prefer something else over zombie.  Maybe its the rags, in this case its certainly the setting, I dunno dude I've just never been the biggest zombie dude.

I'm slightly surprised this would be labeled a Video Nasty because nothing that crazy happens in it.  I could be watching the censored version that has about 2 minutes less of footage, not sure what was on Tubi.  Probably.  There's a cool head chopping sequence and some decent gore effects and that's all fun and good.

So a lot of these were a relative breeze, I believe I watched 11 new movies in order to complete the "series".  Links?  Oh man.  I dunno about that.  Lets see here.  How about this, you can have these and you can do the rest yourself, because they're all more recent.   Oasis of the Zombies, Vengeance of the Zombies, Nightmare City, Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, Burial Ground.

Fuck. I skipped A Virgin Among the Living Dead.  Okay, well, that's next.

Anthropophagus - 1980

 Also known as The Grim Reaper, Zombie 7,  and The Savage Island.

Gorefests like this also fall into my long ago project of watching Video Nasties, which could very well be my next series...hmmm...I do remember wanting to watch all of them.

Anthropophagus is a made up word essentially combining words for human and eating, meaning human eater.  Rarely does a made up word sound so legitimate and good, and its a good level place to start from for this movie, a low budget and insane gorefests which somehow consistently overachieves.

Its perhaps because of minimal scope, in a setup that is often seen but I still like.  Couple of people come to a small remote community, everyone is either standoffish or completely absent and the mystery builds.  Its slasher-esque in having some continual deaths while we build mystery and finally the killer is full on after our main characters and he's a bloody freakish weirdo played by George Eastman.

In the strictest sense this is the least "Zombie" movie as he is never stated to be undead and is instead a freaky cannibal man who is truly monstrous sure, but no zombie.  He does some insane shit, and this movie is known for the scene where he rips a baby out of a woman's vagina and eats the fetus.  Gooood stuff.

So minimal in scope and lots of gore keep this thing movie, and it elevates as a decent entry into the franchise and really more of a slasher than I expected.  4 stars.

Hell of the Living Dead - 1980

 I wonder if, with zero research being done at this moment, the Zombie series has an entry directed by every known Italian horror schlockmeister?  Its a bit of a long list, but also it can be short depending how you define it.  Jess Franco, Bruno Mattei, Lucio Fulci are three big ones, most lists would include them.  Michele Soavi, Lamberto Bava, Claudio Fragasso, these guys would appear on some lists but not all...  anyways, interesting to think about.

Also known as Virus, Night of the Zombies, Zombie Creeping Flesh, Zombie Inferno, and lots of others including Zombie 4.

I'm lucky I chose Zombie as a series, because really I am almost done with this as a series number one, but number two the films listed as connecting to Night of the Living Dead is way bigger than the Zombie series.  Nope, not starting that.  In fact I don't know what's next for me, but it will certainly be something different.

Hell of the Living Dead is pretty low on the totem pole as far as these things go.  They could not afford Goblin to make a new soundtrack so they simply lifted songs from other movies.  They spliced in footage from a documentary about Indonesia to make it seem more real...  It was basically not really trying.

That said, its not highly differentiated from several of these other Zombie movies.  It has decent effects, it has female nudity, it has cannibals and zombies both, in a plot extremely similar to Zombie Holocaust.  Eh, I mean, you could do worse...could certainly do better but could do worse.

Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence - 1991

 You know, I would not have put it past this movie to title it Zombie 90 not because it was made in the 90s but because it was sorta saying 89 other Zombie movies had been made.  And not because they were claiming a legacy, more that they did zero research and figured there had been 89 of them.

Also known as Zombie 7 and Zombie 2001: Battle Royale.

This is the type of thing where the director had previously made a series of movies called Violent Shit 1-3, and made a rip off sequel to Anthropophagus.  They're trying to get viewers and keep them by being purposefully bad to a degree here, I have to think, and by being meta and or intentional with exactly what this is...  This is made to be low class stupid low budget schlock, so it should be judged that way.

Zombie 90 is also the type of movie where it now has a permanent joke of an English dub on it.  Apparently the story goes that the composer did all the voices himself and made them incredibly stupid, and the director was like "yeah perfect" and left it all in.  They also changed the dialogue to a large extent, having characters talk about taking shits and other stupid bullshit like that.

The plot is really third or fourth down the list of things this movie is concerned with, it is basically that two doctors unleash a new disease that makes zombies, and yeah whatever now there's zombies all over coming after people.  There's nonstop zombie violence from minute one, and though its amateur as all get out and the large majority of the "comedy" doesn't work, there are a few moments like the baby kill scene that might illicit a mild chuckle or smile from ya.

This falls into a weird category for me with rating.  It sets out with a specific intent and does achieve it, its just not ever been "my thing" and at less than 90 minutes still feels long.  It's one tone (or less) and if you are into it you're into it, but for me...uh... 3 stars.

Panic - 1982

 Also known as Bakterion, Monster of Blood, and Zombie 4.

I was composing this whole thing in my head for a lead in to this review about what makes movies good, or at least better, than others.  I don't feel like I need to exactly spell it out for you though.  Memorable characters, smart dialogue, cinematography, like if you don't know this stuff than watch more movies.

But the reason I was thinking this was because a lot of the zombie movies I've been watching have had nothing really worth mentioning, and that another way of saying that none of those things I mentioned or the other commonly held aspects of what make a movie stand out were present.  Thus, those without the standout parts have to be evaluated more upon things like effects, or pace, or even just something like "well, how bored were you?  Really bored?  Or only kinda bored?"

I'm trying in a roundabout way to determine why I liked Panic more than some of these others.  What can I say, it had some standout sequences, a cool ending, good effects, some topless (and bottomless) female nudity...  I mean maybe this is part of criticism, which is to say overall I'm sure its hard to make a movie, but also we're not asking for that much.  It just has to grab us in some way and more often than not that can be relatively up to you the filmmaker to give us whatever, as long as its something.

So in that way Panic stands out and overachieves in just a small way, not as big as some, but it is good.  In the scope of lookalike zombie movies, see this one.  4 stars.

Night of the Seagulls - 1975

Another case where the movie in question came out before Zombie and all the others and was retitled in various ways to capitalize on the popular event.

The Blind Dead has been on my list for a long time, and realistically I do believe I saw at least one of these movies at some point but I guess I did not leave a review.  This one is also known as Don't Go Out and Night, Night of the Death Cult, Zombie 7 and Zombie 7: Last Rites.

The reason this one stands out, lets start there.  I have to admit that in these reviews for the Zombie series so far I'm running into a lot of pretty whatever average zombie movies that seems to have very little one can say about them, very little to call out.  They've been running in the 2.5 star range which is to say "yeah sure" but ultimately to also say "I dunno".  

Number one, atmosphere.  The dark shadows, the strange eerie minimal music, the cool location of the island they're on.  But more than that the effects.  My god the effects.  I will watch all of the Blind Dead series even if this is the only one to carry a "Zombie" moniker just because of these effects.  A mix of puppets and costumes, you have these awesome fucking dusty, cobwebby zombies in cloaks with swords and armor and FUCK does it look incredible!  They're also present in the entirety of the short movie.  Don't have endless dialogue about the presence of the zombie.  Show the zombie, and keep the movie short.  This is barely 90 minutes and that should be your target always.

Its also the little stuff.  Any movie with quick editing helps, the super echo-ey sound effects help a ton, and I love the way the zombies are somewhat intelligent but not too much.  They know when to look under a bed for example, they know to avoid fire, but they also cannot see everything and they don't understand a danger before its known to them.  

Watch it in the context of the Zombie phenomenon or not, but do watch it.  You know in its relative circle, it can have a full 5 stars.

The Hanging Woman - 1972

 La orgía de los muertos (translated as Orgy of the Dead) a.k.a. The Hanging Woman (US theatrical release),.   Beyond the Living Dead, Return of the Zombies and Bracula: Terror of the Living Dead.  Regionally titled as Death Chorus of the Skeletons, and re-released in Germany on March 1, 1977 as Die Bestie aus dem Totenreich / The Beast from the Death Realm. It was shown in the U.K. as Zombies - Terror of the Living Dead, in France as Les Orgies Macabres, and in Australia as Bracula, Terror of the Living Dead, The Naked Goddess of the Zombies.

This one's going for the belt.  Nothing on Wikipedia as to what Zombie number this was and where it was titled that.   I wonder if I could've skipped this one?

There it is!  It's also a Zombie 3.  This and many others were made before the original Zombie, and they were retitled for either redistribution or I guess for video release?  I'm not really sure and nothing specifies.  How could this be Zombie 3 years before Dawn of the Dead and before Zombi?

This film The Hanging Woman is a lot more in the vein of the Hammer Horror films, with stuffy Brits talking a lot and slow plot movement in a old cold looking castle like building.  Something about a man who saw a hanging woman that people either seem to deny entirely or minimally dismiss.  It likely has something to do with the devil worshipping cult and the creepy gravedigger that are both present in the town, just my guess.

I give it a pretty solid 2.5 its very run of the mill for "this type of thing" but even in that lens, its on the mildly not as good side of things as far as Hammer Horror is concerned.

Absurd - 1981

 Also known as: Anthropophagus 2, Zombie 6: Monster Hunter, Horrible, and The Grim Reaper 2.

Perhaps more relevant than Zombie 6: Monster Hunter is the alternate title Anthropophagus 2. That would be because the first Anthropophagus has the same guy in it, George Eastman. Aka Luigi Montefiori. This dude is a veteran of Italian horror, usually in small roles, and I’ve seen him around plenty. 

This is also something that could have the alternate title of snagging basically any contemporary slasher and throwing a 2 in back of it. The zombie connection I guess comes from the plot so let’s go. 

George Eastman is infected with some disease and goes to the hospital. During his operation he gains consciousness and is drugged up. Then this keeps happening and soon enough it’s clear he’s unkillable and he raises from the dead with a vengeance and starts killings people. 

It works like a methodical slasher from that point on, and really it’s like the later Halloween or the later Friday the 13th series where these guys were basically unkillable and/or zombies. It really made me wonder, when they brought Jason and others back as truly unstoppable, was the horror trope they were ripping off truly zombie/undead horror movies there? Interesting. I had always just thought of it as them being creative and jumping the shark, not specific to copying something else  

Strange movie, definitely a bit of a one off from everything I’ve seen.  Anthropophagus is also given the name of a Zombie movie here and there in the world of horror so maybe this is similar to that.  I’ll have to watch it again to judge.  Some good kills here, some good gore, I’ll give it a 3.5

Doctor Butcher M.D. - 1980

In addition to the title Zombie Holocaust, the film has since been released under various other English titles, including Island of the Last Zombies, Queen of the Cannibals and Zombie 3. - Wikipedia

Okay so when it makes sense I'll call these their Zombie names, I said, but then I realized I'll have many entries titled Zombie 3 or whatever, some even with the same year....  so that can't work.  So I guess I'll waffle back and forth on what I call them?  I'm not sure yet.  Anyhow I like that the title of this movie is sorta Doctor Butcher Medical Doctor.  I mean, MD is doctor, so...

Same release year as Cannibal Holocaust, so I'm not really able to tell what happened here as Zombie Holocaust has no release date.  But I'm guessing this was released after and retitled when Cannibal was a hit.  This is the classic buncha people get to an island and nefarious stuff is going down plot.  There's a mad doctor on the island conducting human experiments that bring people back from the dead, but also there's a local tribe of people that are cannibals, and that's really the focus of this movie.

The other focus is topless female nudity, and man is it good.  Here is all I could find though, sadly:

The reasons are both plot and non-plot related for her to be partially or fully nude a LOT.  Again, it was good.

Pretty okay effects with plenty of gross out gore and autopsy scenes, this one checks some boxes but does not overachieve.  This is your very definition of like "average Italian 80s cannibal movie".  Oddly enough it is only now that I realize that though I am into zombies, not into cannibals, but also how closely related those two are and yet I have differing opinions.  

I'll give this a 3 out of 5.

Zombie 5: Killing Birds - 1988

 Funny how this listed year of Zombie 5 is before the listed year of Zombie 4 huh?  Almost like they're not really true sequels...

Also known as Zombie Flesheaters 4, naturally.

This Zombie entry is almost universally titled Zombie 5: Killing Birds, and I have seen and heard the title before, though not seen the actual movie until now.  The legacy of this one is a little bit mixed as it was attributed to different directors and was shifted around a little bit more than some of these.

You can't really tell though, cause I'll tell you straight out this is better than Zombie 4.  This has better music, is more quickly paced, has better effects, and even has a couple very cool sequences such as the scene where the guys are all trying to escape in a van and a zombie is holding onto a girl by her head.  This movie also has Robert Vaughn playing a blind guy, who is intermixed into the plot and plays a role in the zombies existence in this movie.

There's a somewhat loose connection to birds as well, but honestly you can just tune a lot of this stuff out and watch the zombie violence, which is fun and nonstop. This movie is definitely a step up and a fun one to watch regardless of it's Zombie connection.

From here it's going to get complicated.  Oasis of the Zombies, Vengeance of the Zombies, Nightmare City, Let Sleeping Corpses Lie and Burial Ground are sometimes labeled with the Zombie name.  So luckily I don't have to watch those.  Looks like I'm jumping to the Blind Dead series, as sometimes those carry a Zombie name, and that's kinda nice cuz I have wanted to see that series.  But last few times I looked for those, they weren't online.  So we'll see.

Zombie 4: After Death - 1989

 Also known as After Death and as Zombie Flesh Eaters 3.  Just FYI I am going to call all these unofficial Zombie sequels by their Zombie name.  Just for the sake of making things easier.

Claudio Fragasso is kind of in the same ballpark and same vein as Lucio Fulci, which is to say B and C tier Italian schlockmeisters that directed tons of horror movies in the 70s, 80s and 90s.  Fragasso is best known for directing Troll 2, and has been on this blog before with Women's Prison Massacre, the other type of movie he made: exploitation.

Just in a few minutes of IMDb scrolling I see Fragasso made unofficial Italian entries into Texas Chainsaw, the House series, obviously Zombie, need we mention Troll.  

After Death has a group of people landing on a mystery island and uncovering a sinister plot of voodoo and witchcraft that bring people back as zombies.  I like zombie and or monster movies where those monsters are known in the world, the movie is not filled with people exclaiming "Oh my god they're like dead but not dead?" instead it's just straight up "they're zombies!"

It's kind of strange because there's zombies from the beginning and yet midway through the movie the group also reads from the book of the Dead and unleashes a spell that brings more back from the dead - I thought they were already coming back from the dead?  I dunno.

After Death is also known for starring a male porn star, apparently unbeknownst to director Fragasso.  Fragasso also stated that this was “the last gasp of Italian horror" and it's kinda true and very sad.  I know there's Asylum and other similar D grade ripoffs that are still made now, but stuff that was made cheap in foreign countries with many degrees of mistranslation and blatant copyright infringement and all that just doesn't seem to be around anymore.  I'd love to see a modern Italian sequel/ripoff of Us released starring a gay porn star and tons of topless women with kickass electronic music again...

As far as this actual movie goes, however, it's not going to blow your mind or anything.  Its a tad too long and too plodding without anything really happening for most of it besides just mild zombie horror.  The effects seem to be cheap minimal face and neck scabby, blotchy skin.  Nothing really good.  Its alright, pretty tame and perhaps not the best or most interesting.  2.5 stars.

V/H/S - 2012

 It is interesting to look back at something like this and The ABCs of Death and other stitched together shorts because say what you will about their box office success, these gave birth to almost every interesting horror figure of the last 10 years.  Its more of a question of which one of these sets they're on than if they are on one.

I was over the found footage thing when this came out, this was quite a bit after Cloverfield et all had re-explored the genre like 6 years earlier, and I did see this when it was new but I never really cared to keep up with the series as it kept going and certainly did not know that it evolved into a straight to streaming or DVD thing with like half a dozen sequels.

VHS shows as 6 segments on Wikipedia, and I wonder exactly which was which because there's also a lot of interstitial things that I wonder what they consider.  Here is the synopsis:

Wrap around "Tape 56" a bunch of guys are filming their crimes and are sent to get a tape out of a creepy house with a seemingly dead guy, as we cut back to them they're picked off one by one.

"Amateur Night" some guys go partying and pick up a couple girls, one of them acting purposely creepy.  She seems almost too into it as they get back to their hotel room.

"Second Honeymoon" I couldn't really tell ya, something about guys on a trip and at night someone sorta begins fucking with them and I don't really understand the ending.

"Tuesday the 17th" some people on a hiking trip encounter a bizarre supernatural invisible killer(?)

"The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger" Another sorta shrug one of a few video calls where it seems a girl is seeing dead people in her house.  Her boyfriend may have set it up.

"10/31/98" some people go into a house and discover some sort of Satan worshiping thing or something going on upstairs, and when they stop it it seems they unleash the beast.

The best for me is probably either the wrap around segment or 10/31/98, but I'm really reaching there to try to figure out what I liked.  An odd amount of these are supernatural in nature, which is sorta unnecessary if you ask me, isn't the format and the concept a lot more suited for regular horror?

I haven't decided if I'm going to watch ALL of the VHS horror movies or not, but this is a fairly okay beginning.  I think I wanted it to be a little better tbh.  I'll give it a solid 2.

Children of the Corn - 2009

 Thus we come to the end of another long running series, with this 25 year anniversary remake of the 1984 film.

Rewatch the 1984 film and you'll see a slow burn feeling character drama with eerie kids and a mounting tension as Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton struggle to understand what's going on, and as the kids slowly unveil their intentions.  Watch the 2009 SyFy original remake and you'll get thrust into 50 minutes of bad dialogue between a feeding couple before you even see the kids of Gatlin.  Yikes.

It's a slow and awful plot as these two unlikable people have an ongoing fight about her being a prom queen and him being ex military, and you'll remember it because they say it about 5000 times.  Once they show up in Gatlin it somehow slows down still, or maybe remains slow because once the kids kill the main girl, you're just following one guy as he avoids the kids and He Who Walks.

As an ex-SyFy viewer I find this to be bad, even from that low bar to set.  Those movies were fun because they were so bad they were good with half-bit actors and awful CGI colliding into a ridiculous mess you could knock back a few beers and have a good enough time with.  This movie is too slow, too monotone, and really there' just nothing to grasp here except I guess about 30 seconds of topless women.  

I give this about a .5

I Live In Fear - 1955

 I believe Criterion put this on their Postwar Kurosawa set, as the themes around that set were all his non-Samurai flicks but also his more dramatic films set around the aftermath of WWII.

I didn't remember the film, but I do remember the poster from my days at the video store way back when:

The oddly colorized poster with the bizarre font always stuck out to me, and though I don't believe I ever rented this or watched it, clearly somehow it got lodged in my head anyways.

Toshiro Mifune stars as Nakajima, an oldschool elderly father figure who owns and runs a successful foundry but is willing to sell it and everything else he owns to take his family to Brazil for fear of the Hydrogen bomb.  He has memories of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings and has lived in anxiety since then, and now his time has come to flee while he still can.  The family is against this and wrestles to take control of his estate so that he cannot force them to go.

The film is very much poignant with its look at the entirety of the issue at hand, with Takashi Shimura as a court appointed case worker assigned to decide the fate of the estate.  Also to be considered into this is Nakajima's illegitimate children, his intense degree of logic surrounding everything else in his life, and yet his unwavering opinion of immanent destruction.

As a character study it's very affecting and relevant.  For me it made me think, obviously in a Venn Diagram along with a lot of other things, how much does a global collective anxiety about our destructive capabilities in this modern day contribute to something like lower birth rates, failing job market, high housing cost, etc?  Given that Japan was one of the canaries in the coal mine re: economic distress, plunging birth rates, and technology destroying the culture, and Japan was the country that had been bombed, can these two things be related?

A prescient and interesting and overlooked Kurosawa film, I still doubt this is one that I'll revisit as much as some others.  Its a solid 3.5 with great acting by Mifune as always.

Valentine - 2001

 I vaguely remembered this existed as my girlfriend and I drove around on Valentines Day.  I thought it was called Valentines Day, and I thought maybe more like 2003ish, but I was wrong.

This movie is a real capitalizing on success flick, going for some of that post Scream revival.  It dates itself extremely early and many times with actors that are really of the moment.  Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Katherine Heigl, Marley Shelton.  Then it ups the ante later by tossing in some Deftones and Marilyn Manson songs while a party scene happens.  Ah, 2001.

A formula and a killer is pretty quickly established as we have an original scene ala Terror Train but maybe dialed down a notch.  Then we cut to modern day high school or I guess college teens being methodically hunted down by a black clad guy in a Cupid mask who bleeds from his nose whenever he kills someone.

The deaths range from sorta average to just ok, they were not yet in vogue enough to be the focus and horror was still in a post-Columbine place of being censored by the MPAA.  Also in vogue somewhat at the time is remnants of the late 80s and 90s way of making you dislike the characters, a trope which I'm glad has gone away at least a little bit.  Rooting for the villain kind of remains, but hating the other characters is a little out of vogue I'd say.

I called the killer in the end and its pretty traditional horror movie fare.  I give it a solid 2.5

Zombie 3 - 1988

 A true challenge here and part of my closing off of loops thing that I’ve been on for a while is to track down this massive series. 

Some people are willing to put in more time doing homework than I am (I’m supposed to get a book for my work and I don’t even have it so there’s that). So check out this article. The summary of this would be that there are a sort of unknown quantity of Zombie films and the point really is that there’s a ton so I’m gonna track down as many as I can that are free on streaming and I’ll watch them.

 Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, I forget which one was renamed Zombi in Europe and got direct sequels that were called Zombie, and are sort of the sequels to Dawn of the Dead, but sort of not. Many of these exist and Zombie 3 is a sequel to the Lucio Fulci movie Zombi. 

This one is also directed by Fulci and is a full on romp. Zombi was a pretty fun and well made thing, more horror, and at this point this was more of a departure towards cheaper and cheesier but also maybe more fun depending on your taste. 

Also I did not realize there was more stuff like Return of the Living Dead? The idea that zombies cannot truly be killed and ashes of zombies bring people back, and even talking semi intelligent zombies are all here. The sequels to Return were bad so I look at this as the real spiritual sequel. 

Not so much a plot analysis because this doesn’t need one. This is fun fast paced Italian trash with an awesome soundtrack. Watch it!

Crystal Force - 1992

 When I watched Chillers recently, my friend Matt bemoaned the lack of nudity in the Troma movie.  Its true, not a ton of these are nude romps.  But this one is.

Crystal Force is less than 90 minutes, and it feels like it is even shorter than it is, which is always a good sign.  Its a cocaine-feeling weird descent into madness as a mystical shop gives things to people that cause weird happenings ala Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders.  This time, a woman is given a big crystal and when she brings it home weird crap begins.

Mostly the weird crap has to do with women somehow getting their tops ripped off.  Which I loved.  There's a lot of excellent tits in this movie and I was glued to the screen when they were showing.  The only other things going on are complete nonsense and lack of knowing what's going on, but what can you really expect from a director who's only other credit looks like it's softcore porn?

The average shot of this looks like something from a home VHS recorder, and for all I know it was.  I scrolled down the IMDB though and I see Crystal Force 2: Dark Angel exists.  Guess what I'm looking for tomorrow?  I give this one a solid B movie 3 stars.

Fear Chamber - 1971

 One year off from the release date, but it was filmed in 1968 so you know....

I've said it before and I will say it again, but this is why I have this blog.  This movie, those like it, the true weird obscurities I have discovered that make me say aloud like this one did; "This...now this is something else."

Fear Chamber was a Mexican production also known as The Room of Terror and The Torture Zone.  It stars faded star Boris Karloff in one of 4 films he signed on to act in with this production company.  He plays elderly sick scientist Dr. Mandel, and it seems he either discovered or just so happens to live near what is eventually revealed to be semi-sentient primordial soup, which kills people and local little group of people have started worshiping as a god.  They sacrifice women to it, which comes to the real reason the movie exists:  light Tits and Ass.

Girls are hired for various "acting jobs" or "whatever jobs" and are summarily fed to the beast.  No word on the internet if this had nudity at one point and I was just watching the censored version.  Who knows.  But it's all shot through confusing extreme close ups of red goop, cut to a girls hand, red and black slime, cut to a moving rock, cut to a dead girl half naked.  I mean....  it fucking rules.

This is the type of fun nonsense that makes grindhouse fun.  It moves quickly, its silly, it had light T and A teases as mentioned, its very much a product of its time and production story.  You can feel the mistranslations, you can feel a dying and likely drug addicted Karloff, you can feel the Mexican producers who said "who cares" and shot scenes.  But it all has the feeling of being on rails, so it doesn't just become you watching scenes of various unrelated things happening, which can certainly happen with these movies.

An excellent choice for a drinky smoky friendsy romp or a solo sober watch like me, I give this 4.5 stars.

James Bond - 1962-2021

 I had to write this down somewhere!  I would like to ideally write a review for every Bond movie, and maybe one day I will, but for now let it be said I have absolutely seen all of the James Bond movies, most of them more than, oh I dunno six times, and I am currently watching them all with my girlfriend, in order, and that has been really fun and special.

This is a brief encapsulation, notes to help me remember which movie it is, a star rating, any extra information I have about it, or thoughts or whatever, and any and all whathaveyou leftovers that make their way onto this page.

Dr.No (1962) with Sean Connery and Ursula Andress.  Surprising that the first one film feels pretty minor and nearly unmentionable, but I suppose it makes sense none of the tropes were in place yet.  There is no real Bond song, even.  Bond goes to Jamaica to infiltrate Dr. No, who has some indecipherable plot.  Iconic moments the first Bond James Bond, Andress as a beach shell collector.  Some sort of dumb side plot about a "dragon" on the beach which is really just a souped up car?  Weird movie.  Uneven.  I give it about a 3.

From Russia With Love (1963) is one of those that somehow nailed the Bond formula.  For only the second film, it is amazing the step-up this movie is.  It has the first appearance of Blofeld, unseen at this time, and Rosa Klebb is arguably the top villain even though she is not the real villain, Robert Shaw as Grant is.  Great entry, a good one to rewatch, 5 stars.

Goldfinger (1964) again nails the formula, has the first iconic Bond song, and the famous woman killed by the gold painting over her skin.  Oddjob is in this movie, tossing his hat around, and the villain Goldfinger has a very straightforward idea to bomb Fort Knox.  The plot heavily revolves around Felix Leiter, and this movie oddly enough Bond doesn't do a lot in the actual plot. 4 stars.

Thunderball (1965) has a couple cool early sequences early on where they hide a plane at the bottom of the ocean surrounded by sharks.  There's two atomic bombs on the plane and Bond has to go investigate. A lot of underwater swimming sequences, obviously the underwater camera was the hot new invention.  A really comical ending with sped up footage is weird, but then the end with having a plane pick them up from a boat is incredibly awesome.  I give this one like 3.5.

You Only Live Twice (1967)  I should be canceled for liking this one so much.  But the opening space sequence is incredible and then Donald Pleasence later, and the base built into a mountain with a fake lake...  these movies were going for it at this point.  The hilarious point in this though is when Bond dons yellow face and pretends to be Japanese, basically for no real reason...?  I don't think it has anything to do with the plot.  Also, the ninja-spoiltation in this is fucking hilarious.  4.5 stars.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) with George Lazenby.  "This never happened to the other fella indeed" as Bond gets sent to Switzerland where he pretends to be some biologist or some shit and is after Telly Savalas as Blofeld.  Bond falls in love and gets married, as well, with a very dark ending to that plot line.  Lazenby I think is generally fine, but yeah this movie is actually very good.  It moves and its shot really well.  I give it like 3.5 stars.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) one of the ones that people don't like as much, but I like.  Connery is certainly a little bit on auto mode, but Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are really bizarre and fun as bad guys, the movie is leaning into the cheese maybe a little bit, and it's fast paced with a great Bond song.  4 stars.

Live and Let Die (1973) Roger Moore shows up as Bond, and this movie is a little bit more dark and action than people might remember.  Moore is not a stuffy old man yet, and yet it's the plot that's the silliest(?) Yaphet Kotto is excellent as Kananga, and he is making heroin and Bond is on the case.  We introduce JW Pepper and we have black magic of course including actual(?) magic in a Bond movie???  Unexplained.  This one's all over the map but it's quite fun.  3.5 stars.

The Man With the Golden Gun (1974) a true childhood favorite of mine.  Christopher Lee is the titular villain, we have an excellent theme song and Herve Villachaize as the infamous henchman Oddjob.  The third nipple, the gun, the island, the lasers...man, this movie is quite great.  I even really like the opening with the house of mirrors and the weird mannequin.  Seriously, what is Saramanga's deal??  This is excellent, I love it, 5 stars.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) Barbara Bach is the best Bond girl, I think, or minimally one I like the most.  Jaws is introduced and overshadows the villain, even though, the villain is again completely insane.  He's some weirdo building a ocean base so that he can flood the world or something.  This movie is a ton of fun and the action sequences with Jaws steal the show.  Also the sequences in the Egypt and the pyramids are freaking awesome.  5 stars.

Moonraker (1979) Bond goes to space!  Jaws is back helping a Elon Musk like villain that's obsessed with going to space to start a new master race or something like that.  The highlight here of course is the space stuff, which takes forever to get there, but there's fun things along the way and the comparisons to today's insane billionaires are certainly fun.  A bit of a step down though. 2.5 stars.

For Your Eyes Only (1981) This movie's a conundrum to me.  Extremely memorable beginning where Bond kills unofficial Blofeld in a comical and strange sequence.  But then every time I watch it I'm like, what is the plot of this one?  Kristatos as the villain is barely in it and it feels unfocused a lot of the time.  For a return to form it is low scale and non campy, but its also just not one that sticks with you.  2.5 stars.

Octopussy (1983) and somehow this one is a favorite?  I dunno.  Great opening a song, awesome great clown sequence, the Faberge egg plot is easy to follow and Maud Adams is great as the title character.  Good and straight forward, this one is maybe under discussed because of the title, and its a mistake I'll say it, but this movie is actually pretty solid as an entry.  4 stars.

*Bonus!  Never Say Never Again (1983) This spite project of Connery is a remake of Thunderball, born from legal battles.  Despite being a remake its incredibly hard to follow, and really bad.  It shows just how much the directors or writers or someone really do make a difference.  This one is somehow the most aged Bond movie, with an extremely long video game sequence and with absolutely no real threat or really anything to hold on to.  I give it 1.5 stars.

A View to a Kill (1985) Christopher Walken as a Silicon Valley villain in San Francisco, Grace Jones is a memorable villain.  This one borders on silly again and is remembered for that a lot, but I don't think this is as bad as a lot of people say it is.  Great end sequence.  3.5 stars.

The Living Daylights (1987) Timothy Dalton takes the reins in this somewhat back to basics spy based Bond movie that is oddly memorable.  The Bond girl with the standup bass, Joe Don Baker as the main villain, and Stavros as the evil blond henchman.  Thrilling plane sequences and great martini plot points.  I think that Dalton is good and a lot more like the Bond in the books.  4 stars.

License to Kill (1989) The last outing for Dalton is, for me, sort of the beginning of what might feel like "the modern era" maybe because of the actors that I know and have seen in other stuff and are still alive, or maybe because it feels like a more straight-forward mafia against cops action movie with minimal Bond gadgets and stuffy British offices.  Benicio Del Toro is a henchman and Robert Davi as the villain in this pseudo Scarface-inspired drug-runner fare.  4 stars.

Goldeneye (1995) Pierce Brosnan in what is definitely my first Bond as a contemporary viewer. I dunno dude  this one is extremely good. Whether it’s due to the video game or it’s setting or cast, this is the best Bond in years and a standout. 5 stars.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) Bonding podcast and the fans may be split on this one, but it seems to only be about the plot, which is like, who cares.  Jonathan Pryce as the villain wants to control the news, that's still more logical than Moonraker!  Michelle Yeoh, Joe Don Baker and Teri Hatcher join, Hatcher is bad but everyone else is good and fun in the movie.  I think this one is fun, but surely a small step down.  4 stars.

The World is Not Enough (1999) Divisive for Denise Richards character primarily, I think this one gets better with repeat viewings.  She isn't a great actor and isn't believable as a rocket scientist, sure.  But the rest is good.  Robert Carlyle as the baddie, Robbie Coltrane is back, Sophie Marceau is decent enough.  Another small step down but I think this is a little better than its rep.  2.5 stars.

Die Another Day (2002) Now this is the bad one in my opinion.  World started it, this one ends it.  Halle Berry is bad, the CGI terrible, even Rick Yune looks bad and the plot is ALSO stupid.  With race swapping and with a Antartic base, like what the fuck is even going on here?  The disappearing car, its a regular list of bad.  They knew it needed a reboot even with the big box office and Brosnan saying he'd come back.  1.5

Casino Royale (2006) Daniel Craig in a origin story/reboot which you've seen if you're reading this.  Eva Green is a compelling and perhaps best Bond girl ever, Mads Mikkelsen is insanely good.  Perhaps the best modern scene in a Bond movie of him sitting with Eva in the shower.  An excellent Bond movie.  5 stars.

Quantum of Solace (2008) A direct sequel to Casino Royale, Dominic Greene is a the main villain who I think was the one who was torturing Eva Green?  Cool end sequence and some interesting stylistic choices.  Perhaps the least talked about Craig film, and in that way underrated?  Extremely well shot, I really feel like this got segmented into some subpar category due to writers strikes etc.  But this is really good!  Talk about a great director that would be fun to tap again for a future Bond movie.  4 stars.

Skyfall (2012)  This was hugely successful when it came out.  There's a little bit of return to some of the Bond tropes with gadgets and Q and such coming in.  M is targeted by an old 00 recruit played by the incredibly good Javier Bardem.  I don't love that aspect and you can see the build towards Spectre here, which is also not great considering how that movie turned out.  This one is really good though and really allows Craig to shine.  I like it, 4 stars.

Spectre (2017) Another one that I think is getting better on rewatch. At first, I didn’t like it, especially the way that they try to tie Blofeld to the other three film films before this. As I rewatch it, I care about that a little less and I enjoy the incredible action set pieces more. Overstuffed and too long, they also waste Monica Bellucci.  It’s gotta be the weakest link in the Craig era. I give it 3.5 stars.

No Time to Die (2021) Thus we end the Craig era and the modern era, without any real information about what is next I can say that.  This movie is very action sparse, and ultimately more confusing than it should have been.  Someone is killing all of Spectre with a robot virus, Bond is truly in love and even has a daughter he didn't know about with Madeline Swan.  It feels kinda like it is both a good and bad last Bond movie, I think my biggest complaint being the lack of action.  Also, heavily hampered by Christoph Waltz all but refusing to come back at all.  About 2 or 2.5 stars at the very most.

My list IN ORDER least favorite to favorite:

Never Say Never Again. Die Another Day. The World is Not Enough. Dr No. For Your Eyes Only.  Thunderball. No Time To Die. Spectre.  Moonraker. A View to a Kill. Tomorrow Never Dies.  On Her Majesty's. License to Kill.  The Living Daylights.  Octopussy.  Live and Let Die. Diamonds are Forever.  Goldfinger. Skyfall. You Only Live Twice. Man With The Golden Gun. Quantum of Solace. Casino Royale. The Spy Who Loved Me. Goldeneye.  From Russia With Love.   

Urban Legends: Bloody Mary - 2005

 I had no idea that Urban Legends had another direct to DVD sequel years after Final Cut.  So, I put this on.

The original Urban Legends was a Scream ripoff, right down to a similar looking killer.  Final Cut was pretty much directly Scream 2 ripoff.  So Bloody Mary here was what, a Scream 3 rip off?   Nope.  They bucked the trend to this time to copy Final Destination.

A couple teens say Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times and summon the ghost of a murdered girl, a girl who was killed a long time ago by some jocks or something.  The Bloody Mary ghost starts going after the kids of the jocks, in something that also felt like a Nightmare on Elm Street rip off. There's some stupid deaths here for sure including a normal tanning bed, not like in Final Destination 3 at all, but this time a normal tanning bed can kill a man?

This movie is pretty stupid in just about all ways.  Some really convoluted thing where the killers seemingly has to kill kids using methodologies described in various urban legends, and that is never explained. So now, the one girl that is onto it has to try and stop it while also convincing others of what is truly going on.

Pretty low rent and not engaging, it's clear this series was dead at this point.  1 star.

Urban Legends: Final Cut - 2000

 I'm rewatching the Scream series with my girlfriend who, when we watched Scream, said that it was her favorite slasher or maybe even indeed horror movie we've seen yet.  Good choice.

The thing about the Scream series is that, while it gets better (from my memory) when it hits 4 5 and 6, Scream 2 is pretty bad and Scream 3 is really bad.  They get deep into the lore of the Stab series and are trying so hard to comment on their legacy as they age and it really takes you out of the movie.  They also become so horribly time stamped because they were trying to be prescient, to the point where Scream 3 has Jay and Silent Bob make a cameo?  Who the fuck thought that would age well??

Urban Legends Final Cut was very clearly influenced by Scream and this movie came out the same year as Scream 3.  This time, there's a movie within a movie, which is fun, except it's similar to Stab, and its trying really hard to make the joke before you do.  Things get out of hand as actors and crew on the film shoot begin to get picked off and its a whodunit as we suspect different people.

This plays like a second tier Scream 3, especially as I rewatch Scream 3 and see how much it involves Stab 3.  ULFC is like a average enough slasher with some fun but nothing super special it brings to the table.  I'd say it's about 3 stars.  For the record, I guess Scream 3 is like a 3 also.

Solar Crisis - 1990

 Little sci fi double feature here with Star Quest. A Japanese and American co production that flopped. 

Solar Crisis begins and my jaw practically hits the floor with the cast. Charlton Heston, Michael Berryman, Peter Boyle, Jack Palance, Tim Matheson, Corin Nemec. Damn yo!

This was a big budget movie that got out of control and eventually got credited to Alan Smithee, the infamous pseudonym for bad movies. 

A ship on a mission has to go blow up the sun in this Sunshine adjacent action adventure flick. It features a talking bomb and it made me wonder, has the notion of a talking device like this ever worked in a movie? So many times a ship or a plot maguffin will talk, often for comedy, and you know, I really think it doesn’t work, just in general. 

This movie plays out pretty predictably in general and feels extremely B grade in just about every way, so I’m not surprised it under performed. It’s perfect to just kinda put on and half watch. 3 stars. 

Star Quest - 1994

 Also known as Terminal Voyage. 

Here is a Roger Corman produced movie that was made for tv. A new low? I mean at least most his stuff went to the theater!

My friend Reiss once said he was trying to watch just about every space movie. I said something like that was an awesome idea. It would be something right? And given the genre there’s not a ton like dramas or musicals. It’s space. It’s going to at least be a thriller. 

Or is it? I would defy anyone to tell me first, what genre is Star Quest and even more, who the fuck is this for? I wouldn’t have guessed made for tv because there’s nudity but I guess they edited that out for tv. Some guys wake up from a space sleep and discover the world was destroyed. They all spend ample time in the virtual reality machine and that’s a solid 25-30 minutes and then eventually conflict arises. 

This movie is stone cold boring. There’s a ton of talking and nonsense and it does eventually get moving but wow! So slow. People deal with the apocalypse in different ways, some take drugs and some become destructive. The end throws a couple twists that work I’ll say and then boom. Over. 

It’s not that bad because it picks up speed but it’s incredibly uneven and poorly acted. It looks pretty cheap but in a good way. I dunno, I didn’t hate it but I didn’t love it. Maybe a 2.5 range. 

Scanner Cop II: The Showdown - 1995

 At movie 1001 this may legitimately be the first time that this has happened. A movie where the subtitle is different on the film than what is online. Scanner cop two has the subtitle The Showdown online and then when you watch it, its subtitle is Volkin’s Revenge. 

Sam the scanner cop is back, in the track of another evil scanner who is out there. There’s an absolutely top notch body melting sequence with the villain, and a girl in a hospital who has clues in her brain. 

In a way that’s about all there is, because there’s not really a different villain or a turn of any sort later. There’s a few good kills and it’s good guys versus bad in this retread of the last movie. 

The novelty has worn off a little bit and even though this isn’t like bad it just feels decidedly middling. 2.5

Chillers - 1987

 An anthology! For blog entry 1000!

Chillers has a group at a bus station waiting and a woman falls asleep to reveal segment one, a bizarre pool based story of a woman meeting a sexy swim instructor who then she is told died 5 years ago. 

She awakens screaming to discover everyone there had nightmares. A boy tells his story, segment 2 where a group of Boy Scouts gets led into the woods to discover not all is what it seems. 

“Who’s next?” The boy asks. Segment three is told by a woman, Sharon. Sharon is in love with her television newsman and hears a telepathic message from him. She calls, he comes. Is he what she’s expecting, though?

The stories keep getting told. Now it’s the turn for a lonely and emotionally empathic story of a guy who wishes a 9 year old boy who died was returned to life. The boy appears in front of him and he returns the boy to his parents. He brings back a few more people, but he’s not very choosy about who he’s bringing back. 

Lastly a bookish teacher is leading a Olmec class. His students take the words they’ve learned and go recite them at night, causing ancient gods or something to inhabit their bodies. 

A little segment at the end that tired it together and we’re out.

This is a very fun fast paced cheap Troma release that has good music and fun effects when they’re briefly in it. This is a great one, and I rewatched Evil Clutch as well, which is a great movie also. I give this 4 stars.

Scanner Cop - 1994

 Scanners finally gave way to this Canadian production of a made for TV movie (and it’s sequel) called Scanner Cop. 

Sam is a young boy with a scanner father who gets killed in a shootout. Sam gets adopted by the cop who is at the scene and cut to him as a young police officer following in his adoptive father’s footsteps, hence the scanner cop. 

Said it before and I’ll say it again I love a movie that’s casually shot in LA. I love a movie that is quickly paced and that has fun easy plot that you can follow. And I don’t know if I love this movie but this is a very fun entertaining flick in the best sense of the word. 

It’s helps that it has one bad guy and a simple plot about police officers being killed. They’re being brainwashed and they now think they’re killing other people when they’re in fact killing police officers. San gets involved to help figure out who’s the mastermind, we go from there. 

The movie also wisely drops the “scanner fight scene” that’s been in these. Showing two guys making weird facial expressions and we don’t know who’s winning or losing isn’t that cinematically engaging let’s be honest. 

I feel like I liked this more than I should’ve. It’s low rent but it’s fuckin fun. 4 stars. 

Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later - 1998

 They sure painted a weird image of Michael Myers in this one didn't they?

At one point Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode recalls that Myers came after her when she was 17.  She looks over at her son John's birthday card, recalling he is turning 17.  She pieces it together: this means that now is when Michael is going to come for John.  ...Why?  And is Myers presumably buying calendars, clocking months and years, waiting for 17 years to pass?

An hour or so of build and 30 minutes of chase in this quick 90 minute soft reboot sort of (?)  So as mentioned in my review long ago of Halloween 5, this is the first of what I can think of in this modern vein of "pick and choose which movies are canon and which are not".  H20 chooses to call Halloween 1 and 2 canon, and forget Halloween 4, 5 and 6.  Really as I discussed in my Halloween Resurrection post, all they're really throwing away is the verbiage from Halloween 4 that says Laurie is dead and the existence and death of Laurie's daughter Jamie Lloyd.

Either way, we pick up with Laurie saying she faked her death (do I have to rewatch Halloween 2 to see if she was killed off?) so really they're almost acknowledging Halloween 4...  the only thing they don't mention then is the daughter and the thorn cult/man in black thing.  Laurie has a teenage son played by Josh Hartnett and she is an overly controlling mother figure especially as Halloween day rolls around.  

Michael Myers sorta just appears and starts coming after her leaving the typical trail of bodies in his wake.  Laurie has to balance her own traumatic tendency to see him in everything with the newfound evidence that the presence of him is actually there this time.

It works as a medium slow build late 90s slasher.  It even comments a tiny bit on Scream in a reference on screen and by having Kevin Williamson take a draft at the script.  This does not reinvent the wheel but it pairs the two together on screen again after 17 years and it ups the ante with modern effects and renewed energy. 

Altogether, this one didn't make as much of an impact as it could have, and it was easy to make another sequel to and then forget and reboot in 2018.   Trying to verbalize exactly why that is I find slightly hard, but it may be just the relative predictability and tropiness this falls into, rather than changing in the way that horror eventually did evolve to.  It may have just been too soon, too close to Scream, too eager and underwritten.  Also the grittiness of the Halloween 2018 stuff wasn't being embraced yet, it could not go full on dark, unfortunately.

I give this 3 stars.

Scanners II - 1991

 Why do we sometimes use Roman numerals still? Do we just somehow think they’re classier?

Scanners 2 stars David Hewlett of the movie Cube and picks up with him as a socially removed guy who gets thrown into the deep end of stuff as he moves to a large town. He discovers that he has Scanner powers when he’s in a store that gets robbed, and soon enough he gets recruited by a bad politician to help get the guy elected. 

The movie has a good couple believable characters and a tight, minimalistic scope while still having good head explosions and other effects. The politicians have another scanner working for them who’s the main baddie, and he’s an overacting weirdo who looks like a greasy drifter, and that works well. 

I watched Scanners 3 before this and its more fast paced and campy, which is fun, this one is slower and more like the first Scanners.  Not that that's bad, I just did actually like 3 more.  I will give this a 3.5

Halloween: Resurrection - 2002

 Here's my pitch:  Halloween is going to be rebooted or legacy sequeled or given a TV series or something again; its just inevitable.  So, unite the plots and make Halloween the longest running series with a single killer. 

Oddly enough, the longest series (by my count) is probably Hellraiser (I did count others but now I'm forgetting).  Here are my criteria:  must be the same killer (excludes Jigsaw, excludes Friday the 13th part 1 and 5 where it's not Jason, etc), must be a continual storyline (thus, the longest running Halloween storyline is 6 movies from 1 to 6 with the thorn cult, before they reworked it in H20). Excludes reboots (Rob Zombie stuff et all).  Pinhead is supposed to the same even in the soft reboot (different actors are fine) so that brings Hellraiser to 11 movies, though arguably he does not kill many people in some (this is not a body count list).

I'm rewatching H20 and Resurrection to see exactly where this series left off in the "Dimension" storyline which is canonically including Halloween 1 and 2, H20, and Resurrection.  So my pitch is:  Laurie Strode had her first kid shortly after Halloween 2, played by Danielle Harris in Halloween 4.  She abandoned that child and ran away and had another played by Josh Hartnett and a third who presumably was raised partially by her father, played by Judy Greer in Kills and Ends.  

While Laurie is off raising Josh Hartnett and Judy Greer, Jamie is stalked by Myers in H4 and killed in part 6.  Meanwhile, Strode has H20 and Resurrection happen, fakes her death in Resurrection and runs off to find her last remaking child, Judy Greer, where she lives in the woods and then Kills and Ends happens.  Its not that hard, plus then the sequel I have in mind is Halloween 7, meaning after 6 The Curse of Michael Myers, and we see the end of the Thorn Cult.

Halloween Resurrection is bad.  Curtis signed on if they agreed to kill her off and not leave it open for a sequel.  They kill her off in the cold open and then its a "haunted house" story where for some reason a reality TV group has a bunch of airhead teens staying in Myers childhood home, having sex and doing drugs.  Myers comes home and begins to kill them, while Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes are our new main characters I guess in the house.

Kills are okay, mask is bad.  Its again one of those movies where I ask, non ironically, is this even supposed to be scary?  Its not scary.  I give it a 1.5.

Children of the Corn: Revelation - 2001

 I put this on and I swear it just kinda leapt by.  I have to say I didn't feel its 82 minutes.

Revelation besides being biblical in sound means disclosure, or revealing something.  Hellraiser and CotC both have this as a name to one of their installments deep into the series as if now, seven movies into the series, we're finally going to learn something about the Children or perhaps He Who Walks Behind the Rows.  We don't learn anything new in this if you're wondering.

A woman is in search of her grandmother after being unable to reach her for a while.  She goes to the town in Nebraska where her grandmother lived and soon encounters creepy children who want to play violent video games and seem to disappear and reappear randomly.  Its fun to see the House of the Dead console game in this movie, damn do I miss arcade games.

Anyways, the woman gets mixed up with some strippers and other classic horror movie sequel characters like a yelling, abusive wheelchair bound neighbor, and soon enough people around her begin to die.  

On the Wiki for this thing, people bitch about its lack of scare or its plot holes.  Its the 7th film in the Children of the Corn movies guys.  This isn't Schindler's List.  I don't think its going for scares, which could be an issue, but its going for fun, and I'd say it succeeds.  Plot holes?  I mean, yeah, again, going for fun.  Which is why it gets 3 fun, average stars.