"I'll Kill You... I'll Bury You... I'll Spit on Your Grave Too!" - 1995

 Wow dude.  Just wow.

I went to visit my friend in Bremerton WA recently and we stopped in at an adult video store.  If anyone lives in the area, check out Mylo's I think it is called.  This store had everything we remember from the mid 2000s adult video stores before the internet really completely overlapped physical format.

Mind you, this is not an adult toy shop or even a store with an adult section.  It's an adult video store with a "preview" room in the back that I'm sure is 100% legit, crazy $30 prices on unknown compilation DVDs, and a oily overweight guy in a skin tight blue shirt behind the register.  This is the real deal, and it is not long for this world.

They had a rack of VHS porn over the back corner.  My friend Matt made a comment that he saw a movie over there, True Lies or something.  I laughed, figuring it as a joke that this store had real movies too.  But he was right, they did.  I browsed the selection, astonished at the amount of completely unknown films there I had never even heard of.  This was one of them.

At this point, I can spot a rare movie, and I can also spot something which the world has forgotten about.  I'll Kill You... I'll Bury You... I'll Spit on Your Grave Too (YGT from now on) has no official DVD release.  The VHS is rare, selling on eBay for anywhere between $50-100.  YGT has no wikipedia, and basically nothing about it can be found online.  A hidden gem.

Or is it?  It is almost unnecessary to point out no one in this movie has any other credits, this was certainly shot direct to VHS with no budget, made by random horror fans and their friends.  That said, it's actually pretty good.  I thought this would be a porn movie, honestly, and that was not helped by the three nude scenes in the very beginning, but this is just a nudity filled horror movie, and it ain't bad at that.

The acting is atrocious, but the music and the effects are actually not bad.  Additionally, it does kind of move quickly, and it toes the line often into so-bad-its-good territory, while also just occasionally slipping over into "almost legit slasher movie" territory.  The year being 1995, you have to know that some of this was intentional, and given that, I give this movie mega props.  

Plot wise it's straight and simple.  There's a kill in the beginning, cut to some years later the killer was never caught and now there are some teens heading into the area where it happened.  Gee, ya think the guy could still be out there?  Like I said plenty of nudity and stupid teens having fun.  This feels like the kind of thing where seriously everyone did have fun, and that is something I just love.  

I kinda talked myself into loving this while I wrote the review.  My girlfriend has certainly never seen anything like this before, and she said she'd give it a 2 out of 5, so I mean that is not bad for this type of thing.  I know these movies a bit better which is why it gets...

Starman - 1984

 Closing in on reviewing all of John Carpenter's films here maybe, if that is indeed the goal. 

Between Christine and Big Trouble in Little China there was this drama road trip movie that seems to have been relatively forgotten.  I'm also watching Memoirs of an Invisible Man, which I actually do not think I have seen before!

Starman stars Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen in a alien-comes-to-Earth film.  Karen Allen is a broken person after losing the love of her life, Scott, Jeff Bridges.  An alien lands beside her house in the night and comes in, finds a picture of Scott, and replicates his appearance.  Karen Allen walks in to see the alien growing from a baby into a picture perfect replica of Scott, and from here it turns into a weird road trip movie to get the alien back to Arizona.

The tension and the feeling of this movie range all over the place.  It starts as a hostage situation where Jeff Bridges pseudo kidnaps Allen because he does have a gun and he asks her to drive him.  As they bond, he reveals he would never hurt her and it's around the time they started to get along anyways, so now she's doing it out of love and to see this thing through.  Meanwhile, they have various adventures and Bridges learns about humanity.

Like I said it's got some bizarre tension to it, and throw in the fact they're being chased by Charles Martin Smith as a SETI guy, this movie does keep you interested.  

I thought it was fine, basically.  The story is pretty straight and it's a tad too long, but overall, it's fine.  It's not one you'll need to rewatch or study or anything.  It basically is what it is, in all it's weird self.  2.5 stars.